Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

This topic is because I really need some advice and input on what to do about my OCD friend/GF. Thank you so much to everyone who comments...

I met a great gal nearly three months ago. She's 34, states she's OCD and on prozac. Aside from a few obsessions she seems to carry on a fairly normal life. She washes her hands a lot, she was often insecure about her looks and seems to think I care whether or not she takes a shower before I come over! I told her don't be silly, I've seen her unbathed and naked before, big deal!

On plenty of occasions we had silly fights usually stemming from her jealousy. It was never something that had any legitimacy and I wouldn't let it bother me. Granted, I would have preferred to spend our evening doing something besides fighting, but so be it, I am a tolerant guy.

Jenna, as I will call her, had ups and downs in our relationship. Some weeks she was all about me, couldn't say enough things, would talk about a future together, claimed that I was the exact sort of guy she was always looking for.

And then other weeks she would become distant, wouldn't like talking on the phone, would cease to say nice loving things, didn't seem to care either way whether we saw each other or not. This, of course, was hard to deal, I mean it hurt my feelings!

There was far too much stress in our relationship due to her family and professional life. She quit a job about three weeks after we started seeing each other and it caused a huge fiasco with her father. He was very unhappy that she quit a job without having another lined up.

Add to that she has a sister with a lot of physical problems. She was born with a genetic disorder that leaves her hard of hearing and with heart problems. She nearly lost her life about a year ago and Jenna seems to be her lone emotional support vehicle in life. They are also roommates.

As the job hunt intensified, Jenna seemed more stressed than ever. She had an offer out of town and I went with her to see about it. We talked a lot about what this could mean for our relationship, would I move with her, what would I do for work etc. My point is we have been looking towards building a life together. We get along really well!

Luckily, she got a job in town, and it's perfect. Great hours, super close to her home. I figured the acquisition of this perfect job would mean good things for our relationship. I could not be more wrong.

About three weeks ago she told me that we need to talk and she said she cannot do this anymore. She said that she hopes we can be friends but she's realized she has to focus on her job, she needs to focus more on her sister. She said she knows that she's been emotionally vacant and unavailable to me and it is not fair. She brought me a lot of my personal items that were at her house and did it all quite coldly I felt.

We've kind of stayed in touch the past three weeks, culminating in dinner this past Wednesday. I have found a way to remove my heart from my throat and "be cool." We had a nice dinner, kept the talk mostly light. I tried to sound like I am doing okay without her, and I'm doing "okay" but not great. I told her that I recognize things went really fast with us and perhaps taking a step back will be a good thing. I told her that I recognize her OCD and that a new job in nursing is probably a lot of process right now. I know she needs a certain amount of sleep each night. She has to do things her way, although when she had the other job, the one she quit, she never expressed such sentiments to me before. At that point in time it was okay if I came over to her place on a "work night."

During our dinner she told me that she's "just not feeling it." She said she cannot be sure if it is her, life, the job, her sister or me. Of course it hurts that our emotional connection seems to have just vanished. Our entire dinner reeked of friendship, I could hardly believe this was the same person I had passionate sex with just one month ago. I struggle to process how we talked about moving out of town together, that we talked about being a team, making a life together, growing old, maybe even getting married.....

So now I don't know what to do. She said I'm free to date other women, sleep with other women....etc....but I feel like she's sort of bluffing. I feel like an element of her OCD is to "test" me. I feel like an element of what is going on here is she cannot control her OCD right now.

Of course I'm torn in two. A part of me is ready to turn the page, I don't know that I can manage a situation with someone like this.

Yet another part of me really really really likes her. I care a lot, and I do believe I possess some tools to deal with her. But I know it is the Dr. Jeckyl I love, and not the Mr. Hyde. She really truly seems to become another person, and of course it's really really hard to love someone who is like this. I'm not superman. I have feelings and weak days. She made me cry when she broke up with me......but when I am feeling strong I'm ready to walk away for good because I don't feel like I did anything wrong....

So I turn to you. I seek advice on how to deal with this. I would really appreciate anyone's input on how OCD might be impacting this relationship and what I ought to do about it. Or at the least, what sort of things do I need to consider....and think about...

Thx so much everyone!!!!
Posted on 10/04/09, 07:10 pm