Obesity Support Group

if you love her please do not give her a hard time about you not feeling attracted to her body anymore. i am a food addict and can promise you food addiction is very real and as much of a mental,emotional,spiritual problem as a physical problem. food addiction is real. there is help available to deal with it in the same way that a drug addict or an alcoholic needs help. food addiction is no less of a problem than other addictions. it can and does destroy lives. www.foodaddicts.org can help her if she is ready to ask for help, if she wants help, if she is willing to accept help. you need to take her problem seriously, she is not weak or selfish, she is sick and needs help. be sypathetic and supportive as you would be if she had broken her legs or was in bed with flu. i have lost a lot of weight with this help and am still losing. it costs nothing and is completely safe and healthy. the best things in life truly are free.

Goodness, this is a hot topic--I was just reading through this thread. First of all, I think you should be commended, as a man, as being able to see your girlfriend for her she is in a skinny bikinni clad world with blond hair blue eyes robots running around--It sounds like to me that your relationship is strong enough to just sit down and talk about this--speak of other ways to please one another, while working out a diet/exercise plan that both of you can do together. That way you do not loose the intimacy, and along the way, you both might get a little healthier. Just a thought. Good luck and God Bless.

Thank you, LGD, eternal point, and everyone else. To those of you reading this, I want to explain that I have corresponded with everyone who posted (one-to-one) because I feel weird posting a comment to one person on a wall where everyone else can read it. But, I also want to say that, I'm still with my girlfriend, and we still have a good time, even though the sexual attraction has declined. I'm very involved with her family, and she has 5 young grandchildren, who are some compensation for losing my own son last year. (To clarify, I lost custody of him after being his primary caretaker from infancy to 14-years old. But, I don't get to see him anymore.)

As LGD suggested, I have sat with her and spoken about other ways to please each other. At first, she was resistant, but later she said she'd be more open to it. She also admitted that she binges (which I never knew -- I had thought she ate in private the way she eats when we're together, and that her problem was lack of activity), and that she's in extreme denial about her weight. So, LGD, I would love a diet/exercise program that we could do together, but she is not ready to do it.

Three more comments to you all:

(1) I am fit, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and look good. I say this not to brag, but just to distinguish myself from the hypocritical men I see who are themselves overweight and out of shape but still have the nerve to dump on their girlfriends/wives for being the same.

(2) I know that many women, like LGD, see themselves as living "in a skinny bikini clad world," but what I see is that women put this expectation on themselves and other women. I, like most men, are not visually attracted to obesity, but we do like curves, and I am much more turned on by a woman who is 5, 10, 20 pounds overweight than a woman who is 5, 10, 20 pounds UNDERweight. It's hard enough to lose weight, so please don't make the bar even higher by thinking you have to be "skinny." You don't.

(3) You are all dealing with such pain, and yet you transcend this in order to send me such sincere advice and support. I wish I would meet you each individually, hug you and kiss you. Thank you.

UPDATE: I am going to end my membership in DailyStrength today. It's just that I find myself spending too much time on the internet, and the list of "other things" I need to attend to is growing too fast.

But, I want to repeat how grateful I am to each of you for your support and for sharing so many things with me.

I wish I could invite you all into my home for one good party!

Hello,

I commend you for your honesty. As a morbidly obese woman I feel for your loved one. On the other hand I sympathize with you. My husband will not admit to not being attracted to me anymore, but I know he is and that is very painful. Also he will not allow talk of me losing a lot of weight, yet he flirts with other women and has admitted to having emotional affairs in the past.

My way of coping with this was to find something that would boost my self esteem, which was to become a nurse (I just received my license last week). Also I am trying to strenghten my bond with Almighty God.

Yes, God wants us to take care of our bodies. With that in mind I am making it a point to pray to HIM even about what I eat. Also I think about gluttony being a sin. That is how I am coping. So in a nutshell my heart goes out to you and your girl. Try to be supportive as much as you can. Take the focus away from weight loss but focus more on boosting her self-esteem. When does look nice tell her. Instead of going out to dinner take her dancing or out somewhere that will centers around an activity. When my hubby does those things I do have a better day and I think about how I should care for myself because I have my man by my side and cares for me too. My prayers are with you. - Psalm 55:22