Obesity Support Group

This all got started as a friendly exchange of comments about profiles at a dating site. I never thought it would be more than a handful of exchanges. 23 years age difference is quite a bit.

It was entirely her idea that we should talk on the phone and meet in person. I met her at the church where she's part of the choir; we had talked about having lunch after but she didn't want to take the baby and couldn't get child care. She's a music teacher and we have a very tentative date to go to an opera next season and I will probably attend her church once a month when I'm in the city anyway for another function.

I guess the big question is if I should say anything at all? Because I darn sure can't think of what it might be.

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Well, I would just be honest and show her what you've posted, then let her decide!!!!

.."Well, I would just be honest and show her what you've posted, then let her decide!!!!"

You're just full of love today, aren't you?

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It sounds like you care about her and want what is best, at this point my opinion and we all know about opinions (LOL) is to just wait and see, the friendship is to new. Good luck in what eveer you decide to do. :)

Why do you have to say anything at all? I guess I am not clear on something here according to your post you met the gal online finally got a picture of her and was surprised at how heavy she was.

You claim she is the one that suggested you meet and her idea to talk on the phone. Yet you agreed to meet with her and talk on the phone. Then you proceeded to say in a following post that 23 years age difference is quite a bit.

My questions to you are this: What is it you actually want from this gal? A friendship? A girlfriend in a romantic relationship? What is that you want to be supportive about? Losing weight? And if so what are your reasons for wanting her to lose weight? Also since you have made it quite clear it seems to be her idea to meet and such I am not clear on why you agreed to do so in the first place.

Only thing I can say to you is that you ought to figure out what you want from this gal before you think you need to support her on anything. Weight might be an issue for you but not for her. In all aspects I just think becoming closer to someone takes time whether it be friendship or otherwise. Most people start out by sharing with lots of communication getting to know one another and sharing thoughts, laughs, likes and dislikes, and really taking the time to get know each other from the inside. Forgive me if I am wrong but it seems to me your first thought was to be supportive to her on a topic that you seem to have the problem with and secondly you keep pointing out it was all her idea too meet as if you had no choice in the matter. I am just wondering what your role truly is?

I agree what are your intentions.. Do you pity her and feel impelled to continue in a friendship? Cause I'm telling you now if she wants more and you don't then now is your time to get out.. It sounds like she wants you to accept her for her and obviously you don't (no offense but you don't) so you say it is entirely her idea to progress to meet and from the experience I have had w/men that is generally not a good idea to go along with it just cause you don't have the heart to say anything to her... You sound like your concerned about more than her weight.. the age difference is mentioned if you already are questioning something that can't be changed like her age then I suggest you think good long and hard about what your next moves are becasue it sounds like you may have a feeling for her, but it doesn't sound like the right ones... I'm not saying you feel this way but pity is not a good thing to do for someone.... seriously might want to back off for awhile til you figure out what you want out of this before it progresses...

My question here is " what is morbidly obese to you? " i'm 5'9 and weigh 280, i'm considered morbidly obese by my dr, but my weight does not stop me from doing most things... no i cant run a marathon but neither could my 120 lb friend because she's so darn lazy... if your friend agreed to meet you in person or she initiated that then that means that she's comfortable the way she is... if you're not then that's ur problem not hers... and i doubt you're here to save all fat people from dying... so sweety if that was ur first thought when u saw her... i'm sure she wont mind u walking away just as fast as u walked in... i'm talking to you as a fat person if a man sees me and doesnt like what he see's well sorry for him... if you're concerned for her well being well then flat out tell her why ur there...u just want to be friends nothing else and that she should do something about her weight i'm sure she's heard it before and i'm sure she'll here it again... Bottom line either accept her the way she is or dont... its not a hard decision, dont stress urself about it... personally i like tall men, if a man is short well i look the other way, that's my choice, that doesnt make me a bad person it just says what my prefernce is... if you dont like her then just walk away... i'm sure she'll thank you for being honest and sincere....

Mydelafuente is right if your not into her, just tell her you eold prefer something different.. be honest cause if you can't then there is no relaionship potential..

I just want to commend you on caring enough to at least ask for advice. I can't pretend to know your intentions, so I'll assume the bestm Good luck to you and her.

Hello. I'm thinking if you talked for sev. wks. via internet, and she didn't bring up her wgt herself, then she does not want to discuss it with you yet. That's a guess, but a step further, if she was huffy about fully body photos, just maybe she's wanting a guy for whom appearance really and truly does not matter all that much? Don't know her, no way to call that one for sure. Next, from your healthy sex post if I'm remembering, you said something about this new lady whom you might decide to bed...a statement from I which I inferred that this was a casual relationship? If so, well assuming she also wants a casual relationship, then what's the big deal? I mean, sure in general I care a great deal about ppl, but I wouldn't feel it's my place to say anything about their lives, their possible healthcare issues, see what I mean? It isn't always appropriate, given the nature of the relationship. Finally, I'm thinking that this is an issue because let's face it, extra pounds to the degree you're talking is just plain visible, kind of 'out there' for all to take notice of. What if it weren't weight, but equally something you observed? For instance, say you met this lovely lady online, and particularly enjoyed the intellectual conversations you had...that she was very knowledgable about world events, or history, philosophy, whatever. But she never told you what she does for a living until you finally thought to ask. You discover she's working at a convenience store, or a McD's (folks I'm really NOT implying that's terrible)...and to you the 'elephant in the room' here is that she is not reaching her full potential intellectually? This would not be an 'in your face' kind of thing, but assuming you care very much for her, would you be going to a support group for underachievers? Maybe that isn't well said, but to me, what it boils down to is that her weight is an issue...maybe not in the sense that you can't picture yourself with her, but in that you feel it's a problem that anyone with that problem should be addressing.