What is Obesity
Obesity is a condition in which the natural energy reserve, stored in the fatty tissue of humans and mammals is increased to a point where it is thought to be a significant risk fa...
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obesity & new friend
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Several weeks ago I met a lovely lady online. She's a single mother in her 20's with one child less than a year old. We have exchanged email almost daily. It was her suggestion that we might like to meet in person.
I had asked her to send a photo (everything on her profiles is head shots) and she got a little huffy about it so I figured she's uncomfortable with her appearance and I thought I was prepared, but she's really morbidly obese. I don't know what, if anything, to say to her about her condition. I want to ask how she feels about herself, if there are medical issues involved, and if she's trying to get to a healthier weight. I'm just at a loss as to the best way to be supportive. [p.s. I wanted to title this thread "The Elephant in the Living Room" but I was pretty sure that would offend someone. For those of you not familiar with the expression, it refers to issues that everyone is aware of and never talks about.] Posted on 06/15/09, 05:06 am |
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You can help her indirectly. If you think she'll be offended, give her some alternatives that eventually will make her lose weight. I have read on http://www.projectweightloss.com how to live green - e.g. Kelly Choi is decided to save the Earth. After she has seen one of Oprah’ shows she decided to live eco-friendly and that will keep her healthy. She helps the planet by helping herself. 
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All you can really do it just be her friend an listen to her, care about her, and look beyond her body. She knows what she looks like and what she needs to do but it is not simple. If you don't have the problem yourself, then it will be hard to know how she really feels and where she is coming from.
Obese people need unconditional love and to be heard, not judged or hurt we do this enough to ourselves. If you need more help to understand your friend just drop me a line ok.
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You just need to leave her alone...I can already tell by your post here and in the "Healthy Sex" group that you are going to end up hurting her..asshole
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"You just need to leave her alone...I can already tell by your post here and in the "Healthy Sex" group that you are going to end up hurting her..asshole "
So your advice is to dump her so that she thinks I was totally grossed out and offended by her appearance? Yeah, that would be real supportive of me, wouldn't it?
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Just accept her as the person she is. Why does her outer shell have to be the focus? She is a human first, and fat somewhere else down the list. If you cannot accept her the way she is, you cannot be a support for her. If SHE brings up the subject of wanting to lose weight, direct her here, then drop it. It should be her decision whatever she does. And for goodness sake, don't keep bugging her about it. That is just another way of saying "you're not good enough the way you are". She is still going to be the same person inside wether she is fat or skinny.
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"And for goodness sake, don't keep bugging her about it. "
I have not said a single word to her on the subject. Nothing. That's why I came here to ask how I can best be supportive.
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have you ever thought that maybe she is ok with how she is. She may look morbidly obese and very well may be but there might be more going on. I am 5`4 and currently weigh 335 pounds. To some I probably look offensive. I spent all morning out golfing with my son and am on my way to the pool where I will spend the afternoon throwing him and his teenage friends in the water. I can bench 195 pounds and leg press roughly 600 pounds. I know I need to lose weight but i'm ok with who I am too.
Seriously though, you sound like you care about her from your post. Don't bring up her size unless she does. Ask her what she wants to do that day if your afraid to make suggestions. I think that is may have been what you were wanting to know is what activities to do with her because of her size.
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Didn't mean to imply that you had already said something to her, that is for future reference, should you and she get together. There is nothing worse than having a significant other constantly bringing up weight loss. As I said before when you say, "I'd like you to lose weight" she hears "you're not good enough the way you are". If you really do like her just get to know the person she is and accept her like she is. If she says she'd like to lose weight, ask her how you can help. Otherwise just accept it.
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I think it's great that you care enough about her feelings to post this discussion. It's sad that so much is based on our physical appearance but it’s true. And no matter how angry that makes us it’s doubtful that it will change. For you I advise that you tread lightly. Yes, she is aware of how large she is and I don’t think any of us if given a choice would want to be large. It’s up to you what you do next. Remember, inside there may be the most wonderful person you’ll ever meet – can you see past the outside? Can you treat her the way she deserves to be treated?
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Well here's the deal if she wants more than just a friendship then you might want to exit stage left now..Because it is not fair for you or her if you are not attracted to her. It's the truth, it hurts both ways sometimes but it happens. Don't expect her to change cause you don't like what you see. Her ''condition'' as you call it is always on her mind period.. she knows how big she is, trust me we are reminded of our size everyday.. There could be a lot of factors involved in why she is overweight also.. If you don't like what you see and know that she wants more, cut bait and get out now.. before you hurt her and yourself. You may care about her but remember if you can't accept her now then be fair to her.. If you were in the same boat wouldn't you want to be treated that way also? Something to think about..
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