Natural Disasters Support Group

First it was the suicide. I got the call from my husband at 7 in the morning, hysterical. His little brother who came over the most often, was basically our only visitor to come hang out with us. In fact he was over just the night before. Shot and killed himself... totally out of the blue. His friend killed himself about a year ago, and I guess I didn't realize how badly it affected him. I knew he was troubled over it, and I was concerned... but I had no idea he would do this to his family after knowing how bad it was going to be for us. He was so kind to me, always. He didn't want anyone to have to go through any bullshit. He was like a real brother to me, my only little brother, I thought he'd help me for years to come. Everyone else in my family is so old... I always wanted a little brother to be there for me. We were so close...

That day was one of the worst days of my life. I never felt so personally affected by anything before. My heart felt like it was about to fall out of my mouth and all I could do was clutch my chest in pain. The next two days weren't any better. The shock set in... numbness... and then...

Just two days after his death our house was destroyed in the flood of 08. We lost everything and saved barely anything inside due to our state of mind. Our little brother was a mason and would have been there helping us rebuild... but now I feel so alone. Since then my comfort zone has diminished to non existant. My family hates me because I don't stay with them and am too busy to come over all the time due to the in-law crisis. I have no home, nothing fun to do, nobody to turn to. I feel so left out. I am such a mess... But I cannot give up. I feel so trapped. Our one year anniversary came and went and its been impossible to enjoy anything or take any sort of break from this terrible city. Even when we do get the house rebuilt and have a place to go... our little brother will never come over again. It will be so lonely there all by ourselves... this is torture.

I just need a little relaxation... a little time to breathe... something fun to do if just for one day.
Posted on 08/11/08, 11:08 am