Narcolepsy Support Group

CHILDPROOF THE HOUSE! I RAISED 3 BABIES WITH NARCOLEPTSY, WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS AT WORK. NOT SAYING IT WAS EASY, BUT WE DID OK. GOOD-LUCK

I can't remember if you told us before, hudster, is your gf getting treatment for her N? My thoughts may be rough on both of you, but honest, so hear me out:

-If she has been diagnosed with narcolepsy and is NOT getting treatment, she is risking herself, your son, and everyone around her. She risks falling asleep and losing her job, falling asleep while driving and hurting (or killing) herself, your son, or someone else, causing an accident in the home (fire from leaving the stove on, the baby getting injured...)

-If she has been diagnosed with narcolepsy and IS getting treatment, then she may be having the mood swings as a response to the medications. If that's the case, she should speak with her doctor. If she won't, you can. The doctor won't speak with you, but you can call or even write to him with your concerns for him to address the next time he sees her. They may be able to try a different dosage, a different medication, etc.

-She may very well be depressed. Narcolepsy is devastating. Even on a good day, we have to think about how much we can do with it without having to pay for it the next day...or for the next WEEK. Getting through a day at work is an accomplishment every time we do it. To come home and know there is a crying baby and dinner to deal with and a tv blasting and dishes to wash and laundry and bath and bedtime and boyfriend time...literally just waking up in the morning and knowing all that is coming at the end of the day is exhausting and depressing for us.

Some mothers have a difficult time after having a baby. Postnatal depression does not go away once a newborn is no longer an infant. If this has been ongoing, there may be an element of that to it.

So that's a general perspective. Now, I know you are home all day with your son. You've changed I don't know how many diapers, kept him from electrocuting himself, falling down the stairs, breaking bones, getting burned, starting fires, drowning, you've fed him, cleaned up after him, dressed him, played with him, had no time to yourself, worried about money and not having your own job, worried about her health and mood, you are tired and ready for a break when she gets home and don't want to deal with it either. Perfectly reasonable.

Now please remember I don't know either one of you or the details of any encounter, but I imagine how these things COULD happen, let's break down your post:
"every thing i do irritates her" -Are you sure? Has she said that to you? What do you DO that irritates her? Or is it what you DON'T do? Hold that thought...
"...i would be eatting and she would come along and turn out the lights and i would say what are u doing?" Now, did you immediately ask what she was doing? Or did you wait and see if maybe she was going to turn on a lamp or the tv? HOW did you ask what she was doing? Because, let me tell you, if I'm cranky, and I have a headache, and I go turn off the lights so my brain stops pounding, or because I'm pissed the whole house was lit like a Christmas tree and I can't afford the electric bill, and I get "what are you doing," when it's obvious I just turned off the lights...cranky ratchets up to bitchy, and the whole thing blows up. Better way to handle?
[lights go out] You say, "You know I'm scared of the dark! Would you mind putting something on while I"m eating, and I'll turn them out when I'm done?" You've got humor, which should at least make her hesitate, you're ASKING her to make a change and not accusing her or attacking her, and you're offering to do something in return that she obviously wants done. Just make sure to follow through.

Really, I don't think she gives a rat's ass whether or not you want to eat in the dark, and I don't think you really believe that's what she gets mad at. I think you are at a point where because all of this gets directed at you, you are taking it personally when it is not actually personal. She dishes it to you because you are not only available, but she trusts that you will be there to take it.

When was the last time you had a night alone together? Not even romantic, just dinner for two, at home, rent a movie, no kid? Has she come home to everything done for her? All the laundry washed, the dishes done and put away, the toys in their place, the garbage taken out, the bathroom clean, dinner waiting? Heck, how often do you tell her how grateful you are that you have her and that she works so hard to pay the bills so you can be home with your son?

Does she wish she could do that? Does she maybe wish you WERE working? Maybe you've discussed it before and she said this arrangement was ok, but has she changed her mind and is afraid to say so? Are YOU upset you're not working and perhaps giving off a vibe that you don't feel like "the man," and are tense yourself?

There are several entirely separate issues here. You two as separate people, you two as a couple and your relationship, your individual relationships with your son, and you as a parenting unit. All of them seem to have some potential kinks that need to be worked out. None of them will be unless you can sit down and talk. Remember to use "me" and "I" and "feel." Don't tell her how she is or what she's like...give her examples and how she makes you feel. Ask her to do the same. "It makes me feel like what I want doesn't matter when you do things like...." "I feel like you are always yelling at me." "I feel like we are acting more like roommates" "I feel like your moods have been up and down a lot lately and I feel very tense waiting for you to get home." Ask how she feels. Think about what she says before you respond. Stay calm. If she isn't, calmly take a break and come back to it.

For your son's sake, you need to work out SOMETHING with her. You don't have to live together, you don't have to stay together as a couple, but you do have to look out for one another and be civil. Everything the two of you do and say to, with, and about each other affects him for the rest of his life, so make it productive and teach him now how to resolve conflict and truly listen.

As far as your fears of leaving him alone with her, you have to bring them up, calmly, and the same way as above. "I noticed he was doing xyz the other day while you were napping, and since your N makes you sleep a lot, I'm afraid abc. What do you think we can do?" And if she doesn't acknowledge this and work with you, you need to decide, and be honest with yourself and not vindictive toward her, if she is truly a danger to him. If so, maybe you do need to consider different avenues of ensuring his safety like applying for custody. However, I hope that will be a last resort.

Sorry this is so long. If you get through it all, I applaud you and hope it was helpful. Feel free to message me anytime. Good luck!