Multiple Personalities Support Group

I am we...still getting used to that idea...or rather, getting used to not hiding the fact. However, I also know that is not always in my best interest, or that of others, to disclose us. Makes life damn difficult. But more and more, I care less whether or not someone overhears Shelly, 6, talking in the store about what she wants to buy. we all talk to ourselves, anyway!!

I have four children, one who is now an angel. I just went to my pics to change my avatar for the "silly game," and his memorial pic was the first one that came up when I opened my photos from my general files. I also happened to be playing "I want to see you, Lord" ....which I rarely do. It made me have a good cry. All just after making the comment I made in that topic....now you'll have to go read that if you haven't yet!!! LOL!!

We are answering your role call. We have a very hard time on this board. We were diagnosed 3 years ago and haven't made a lot of strides. Even though we thought we were just a bunch of friends hanging out with each other, we some how were very organized but very much individual people. My people come out to work, shop, go to the doctor etc. We don't have any of the same illnesses, eyesight, allergies etc. My people are from different places and have tried to go home many a time to the place that they thought they were from. We believed it was astral travel and had different bodies somewhere else. My therapist find this different than most multiples. The thing I don't understand as that most multiples know to hide it and know it it there, knows what they are and what they have. We don't. We have photos of each other and always have. So I guess we are different. I am just trying to figure out how it is when someone is diagnosed, they accept it. We couldn't. We went out partying and there were the ones who never even got drunk. I just don't find anyone in a similar situation. Alcohol was removed from the situation because they didn't realize that the alcohol was going to the same place. I guess I am looking for someone who can make sense of a group of 169 individuals. That is all we know of even though my therapist says there are probably more. There are names I remember that I don't hear anymore. We have talked to a few people from this board but they all seem to want to have dirty conversations and we just can't go there. Are there any people out here that are at least on the up and up?

We are lurking about. Collectly known as Ths Children Of Starr (TCOS. Turning 44 this month. Havea good kind loving husband and two small children.

Life is smooth right now. For the first time I am going through winter without the usual SAD. DOc put me on high dose vitamin D and whalaa! cured the SAD.

Feel like writing lately. The muse is stiring and the fall always bids me to come out and frolic in its chilly crispness.

We have no time or we would post more. The small fries keeping this old body busy

Peace be the journey

Paja - Tcos

moozikos ~~ thank you for telling us that....everyone's journey through healing and recovery from this disorder, is different. We even find out in different ways, how we came to be, and who we are. Just the fact you have kept it together enough not to lose your sanity, get a diagnosis, and come on here, is reason enough to be very proud of yourself, for just those three things...and I suspect, there are other things too, you don't give yourself credit for. It all takes time....and it takes having a good, safe, competent therapist whom you can trust explicitly. It takes time to find out whether or not the therapist you are working with, is worthy of that trust. Not all of them are.

As you are willing and able to disclose to yourself, you will find yourself opening up more and more...for most of us at least, it is a matter of not just feeling, but KNOWING we are safe to do so. In this world, it ain't easy to do that. I've had the feeling that you talk about, too, that some of my alters are actually not just created by me. Hard to explain, but that's the way it feels. One time, I was working with a therapist, and I had strong suspicion (before I was diagnosed) that I was DID, but he assured me I was not, (which caused me to be assured I wasn't going to "go there" with him) But regardless, I had been talking to him about a part of me who felt like a little boy. This was one of those parts, who felt to me like someone else entirely...and I had a dream one night, which I can still remember, and this was more than 10 years ago, that I was standing on a shoreline, and a huge ship came up and the little boy boarded the ship and waved goodbye. I waved back. I was very sad to see him go, but I knew he would be safe and happy where he was going. I still get the impression that somehow, that was the spirit of some lost little boy, and that the ship took him home where he belonged.
Most traditional therapists, the ones who believe MPD/DID exists, but don't necessarily know that much about it (which unfortunately, seems to be most of them) believe from the text-book examples and classic signs. So when they expect they are seeing multiplicity in someone, they look for those signs. Lost time, (days, not just minutes)...and the more drastic symptoms. And, they expect to see them blatantly. From what I gather and what I've experienced, most therapists do not expect those with DID to be able to hide it. In fact, I think that is one very good way to know if you are working with someone who has at least some idea how to treat it....that is, if they know enough to understand, that is exactly how the system works...and what DID is all about....hiding (bad) facts. I think it also depends on your core personality in general. From the few multiples I've met, I've gathered that, the more extroverted someone's core personality, the more likely they are to publicly display their duality and not even try to hide it. I think it also has to do with how shameful we feel about having it....so I think if you don't feel ashamed, that is wonderful, and one less hang-up to deal with. However, that may mean that you do have other issues, like painful experiences it has caused you to be open.
Acceptance is also relative, and an individual experience. I first got the hint that I might be multiple, around the time I separated and divorced my now X-husband. That was 1990-91. My progress has been very slow, to the point where I just got connected with the first therapist (after 20 or more) I feel I can trust to do the deepest inner things I need to deal with. But that feeling is always subject to change. And if it does, I have learned to just keep and open mind, keep moving forward the best I can, (which sometimes means, experiencing great setbacks) and I will keep finding more help I need, if I keep looking for it when I can't find it. Ironically, that whole process teaches you a lot about how, and who to trust, and what trust is and is not, if you let it.

Thank you for being a part of our community here.... ((( hugs )))

I'm here...recently dealing with some things regarding my system and in therapy. Switching alot lately and I would type more but I've got that feeling that I'm about to 'go away'...I'll attempt later. Take care.

We're here.
Diagnosed in April, so we're pretty new to all of this, although in ways, I guess we've known for a long time.
Struggling alot lately, it's a bad time of year for us, so we're not posting much, but we're around.

moozikos, not all the people on this board are like that, especially the ones who have already posted in this thread. We're pretty cautious about who we talk to, and we've never had anyone from this particular group want to talk about that sort of stuff. There are alot of people who try to take advantage of people who are multiple, unfortunately it sounds like you've had to deal with a few of them. If you add the people who have already posted, you should be fine to talk to all of them, as far as we know, no one on this board has had any problems with anyone who has posted here so far.
We hope you're able to reach out and talk to people here. Take your time, we know how hard it is to trust people, but there are good people in the world.

Take care everyone.

Hello. I am we, also. For quite a while, I live in integration. For as long as I could remember "I" had many voices, and in my head I talked with myself and such and never knew anything was different until i was diagnosed in late 1994. In a way I was very fortunate in that, I am from Dallas and in 1994 I was hospitalized for the first time and I was on a womens unit but the hospital there had a special day treatment unit for DID. I had no idea that I would end up being on that unit. There was a unit therapist on the womens unit who I noticed was watching me like a hawk and didn't know why until one night the tech came over to me and said this person was going to talk to me and they are from the DID unit and such and I dont remember much about the interview but two queswtions that I asked the therapist. and I remember his reaction, "Ahhhhh," and within two days, I was deemed safe enough as an inpatient to "program" on the DID unit.

I spent the first few years, not accepting my diagnosis at all, I would write and go to my doctor all kinds of things to explain my behavior and such that it could not be DID. and everytime, he would say, wow, that sounds like DID to me what you are saying.... and he just would move on.....

Now, a lot happened after that, I stayed a victim and depenent on treatment team and just I did not want to exist period. So, it was not until a few years ago that I really made huge progress.

I had stopped therapy because therapists wanted to focus on such weird stuff and I was not getting better so I stopped and did begin to learn some things about myself and taking care of myself. but I finally got to the point that things were not good. and that I really had to begin to look inward etc and learn to work through things.

I got recomended to a therapist who in my area is the top person working with EMDR, and I felt like I had nothing to lose so I gave it a try and wow, my life did begin to change. Then I stopped drinking and became sober and even more change.

So, I in the last year began to live in integration. in the last few months I no longer heard more than one voice in my head, the other me voices. of any kind. For me, that was weird and strange just because I never had anything but more me voices as long as I could remember. Also, esciting because I felt entirely me for the first time. present in life completely without separation or disdistance. and I loved it.

In the last few months I also became very physically ill and well, I am coming to know that in integration does not mean there are no other me voices still within, meaning, no separations, just no barriers between. There certainly aren't as many.

Recently finding in illness, that the extreme weigthloss in this illness, triggered something very deep and this other me, who I have no name for, is there. and apparently there is a third that this "other" listens and talks to but does not know it as "another". Supposedly it is "my physical body" talking to her. not a identity.
(just worked again in therapy today and learned this).

Weird thing is I am aware. today was the first time in therapy that I was not fully aware of everything going on. This part came out fully and I was not able to hear or know exactly everything. but not complete black out like years ago.

I am not in disbelief or anyting like I was for the first few years. But I can say I don't like it. I like the "integration".

At the same time. I know that I cannot push myself away or there is no chance to keep moving forward in recovery.

So far, even though I am struggling, I am not struggling like in times past. "We" are working through this without complete destruction and self harm or hospitalization etc. "

Actually, still choosing healthy choices which is very cool. It is just a struggle and my fear of destruction and such actually is more scary. That future tripping over what 'could" happen. I am so scared of the old destructive, hospital every 5 minute days that that becomes an obsession if I let it.

However, so far the "obsession" is removed. I just keep choosing healthy ;choices to the best of my ability and I end up not having to worry or guard against such things. Life continues to be good and fun and exciting no matter what.

Which is a miracle. and a blessing.

Anyway, I am not on DS much anymore just due to time and life. I saw the Nov. roll call and thought I would reply to allow people to read a little about me, because once in a while I am on and do post or reply. Even if I just am reading one day and not writing or anything.

This group is very helpful to me. That is why I am a member and remain a member. "Even in integration" because support and issues are still there, not in the same way all the time. and I also enjoy getting to share with others my experience and the hope I have gained in my recovery. Twice in the past I was going to be committed to a state facility and somehow, each time, it didn't happen. I was literally pretty much written off as a useless person to society and now, now, I have a wonderful family, I live a stable life day to day. and love living. love life no matter what.

The journey is hard and painful a lot. I have learned though that as I have become willing to feel that intense pain etc. that on this journey I feel great joy, great happiness, great peace too. and Life is worth it. Recovery and those difficult choices are worth it.

(what I work on now, is that these me's ihnside right now don't really want "harm" they just have a warped idea of what success is and what brings about success, safety etc. Their experiences led them to believe in certain things that are not true in reality. I also look at how old they are.. A 5 year old, just does not see the world the same as an adult no matter what. Brain develepmont is different. add in such horrific experiences and I have understanding for the other mes and where they are at. So, I work to respect where they are at and at the same time, as an "adult" still making positive healthy choices. (Not easy always).

Anywya, thank you.

Hi. I guess I'm Checking in, I don't know what else to say.

Hi ..I'm still around on and off.I was diagnosed DDnos about a year ago but feel its closer to DID.My team of doctors is not experienced in dissociative disorders,so they seem lost when it comes to me.i fall somewhere on the spectrum of dissociative disorders.I used to switch back and forth ,was aware of it and tried to hide it.Started talking about it and childhood trauma about a year ago in therapy.Working hard on becoming one "me".Still doing alot of switching to different "me's"but am working on becoming just one.therapist is not helpful in this area ,just good for talking about childhood traum and day to day stuff.Its helpful but i really wish I could work with someone experienced in dissociative disorders.Life is testing me lately.the high level of stress is not helping my healing at all.Feels like my dissociation is changing its shape.not as distinct but still my brain is fragmenting emotions into different "me's"..i like this board so much.It's only here that i feel truley understood and accepted although i mostly just read and don't post much

I'm still around but not here lately. Still in need of mental health counseling services where a male could be accepted.
Hard to describe, but I'm becoming aware of other sides of me that think about things that I do not really approve of.
Tom S. in Tn.