What is Multiple Personalities
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceivi...
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Does anyone have memories of punishing themselves sexually when they were young? Back then I feared being touched (still do) but I still used to punish myself sexually. I won't go into detail what I used to do but the memories of doing that to myself have recently surfaced and are really causing problems with my mind. So just wondering if anyone did something similar.
Also I've been dissociating more and more recently. Especially when I drive. This was really a rare occurance but now it happens everytime I get in the car. It scares me as I try to fight the switching and I nearly crash my car - I probably look like I'm driving drunk I'm all over the road. I really can't figure out why this is happening. Even my family has been noticing the switching - hell I switched for 5 hours and got my homework done, evidently I was talking 'funny' and acting 'hyper'. I don't know who was out but it definately wasn't me. Again, I don't know what's causing my dissociative states that are being more frequent. I've got a therapy appointment Friday so I intend to discuss it then but I could use some input on suggestions of what is causing it - just some ideas as to what's happened to you if this has occured. Thank you so much for reading. Posted on 11/02/09, 03:11 pm |
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BeccBecc,
New memories arising always seems to set off a revolving door of switching. Some want to keep the memory a secret, some want to forget and some want to tell the T. So there is probably havoc in your system. Please stay safe and limit your driving if you can during this time. We hope your T is able to help calm things down. ((hug)) 
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My earliest form of masturbation (around age 5) was actually hurting myself. I was not sexually stimulated during the self-abuse, I recognized it as pain but there was a compulsion to do it. Having uncovered some very early memories of my abuse, it makes perfect sense why my normal self-exploration and manipulation took on an abusive tone. As a child, I don't recall fearing being touched per se, just a generallized fear of being around my perpetrator. I never developed a fear of being touched. I went the other direction and put myself in dangerous situations where I was almost certain to be touched.... inappropriately and abusively. It took me a long time to figure out that I didn't have to put myself in those situations.
It makes sense that if these kinds of memories/feelings are surfacing, you would be switching out more than normal. Just try to love on yourself (self-care) and process whatever comes up with someone trusted.
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I've been having similar problems with that lately, too. And I have also been "going where no man (at least me) has gone before" in my therapy, so it stands to reason that would stir things up. If you've been doing that, going in deeper, in therapy, and you discuss this problem with your therapist, hopefully, he/she will suggest slowing down the pace in your work so you won't get too overwhelmed.
If you're driving like a drunk driver, I think that is a very good measuring stick to tell whether or not you are impaired enough to drive, mentally. It sounds to me like it would be a good idea to get a ride, or ride the bus, etc. until you know you are stable again, for your safety as well as others'. It would be horrible to hurt or kill someone, and have to deal with that, too.
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