Miscarriage Support Group

I know just how you feel!

I had a miscarriage in the last days of September last year, and bled for over a month. I was devistated and most certainly did not feel in the festive mood.

I too was very very angry, my mother was saying things like "worse things have happened at sea", and "just think of it as a bunch of cells". Whereas my mother in law kept telling me "you'd better hurry up and give my son the baby he deserves, it's all about your attitude and you need to change it".
Anger knew new levels at that point.

Listen, as far as you are concerned it is not too late to cancel Thanksgiving, it's a hell of a lot of work, and also fairly stressful for most.
It is totally reasonable for you to say "No, I cannot do this this year". And call someone else who should be doing it...holy shit, just because they don't get it that you've lost a tangable child, doesnt' mean that they get out of being helpful.

Try approaching it like this "I really need your help, I'm not able to do Thanksgiving it's just waay too much for me to think about let alone do, and I know everyone would have a much better time if I didn't do it." You do not need to explain your feelings if they dont get it, all they need to know is it's time for them to pick up the load and take the strain so you can rest and be healthy for your husband and your sakes.

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this, it's such a very hard thing to cope with, and it takes us all different times.

I ended up getting my mother in law to do Thanksgiving, and i did Christmas, which was stressful, but manageable, so we all enjoyed it.

Good luck in finding some resolve with your holidays.

Jo x

I've had to really cut down on activities this fall as well and have been avoiding some interaction with my friends with babies. I normally host a big celebration in Oct and it was just to much this year. i understand the anger. Especially at things that seem normal when the last thing that you feel is normal! It does get better. One of my favorite parts of this site is that i can express things like that and not feel any guilt about it! It's wonderful! And I think really healthy to get things like that out. Ever since I had my miscarriage I just wanted to scream i hate pregnant people and felt so strange about it but got it out here and it felt good:)

some people can be so insensitive without really meaning to i think. i had my 3rd loss on october 31st. i get people saying things like you should be glad you have 3 other kids. also you can always try again. they just dont understand that me and my husband planned and wanted this baby very much and it hurts alot. we have decided to have thanksgiving alone at home this year just us. usually both sides of our families come to our house. i just cant do it this year. i understand seeing pregnant women makes you angry. it makes me angry and sad. i was shopping today and it seemed like it was pregnancy day at the grocery store. i had to leave early because i felt myself tearing up. i hope you find a happy ending to your holiday woes.

I know how you feel, too. I just posted a rant about how insensitive my mother-in-law is being. I really hope you start to feel better soon, and I am so sorry. Please know that there are people on this site who understand what you are going through. You are not alone, even though I know it probably feels that way most of the time.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry for your loss. My loss was seven months ago and I thought I'd turned a corner until my sister called yesterday complaining that she was pregnant and going on and on about it. I was so upset I was shaking and have been so angry ever since. It is amazing how one thing can trigger so many other things. I, too, am angry with my doctor and the doctor's office who acted like a fever over 105 degrees was nothing and didn't do anything or advise anything. They just said that they couldn't tell me what to do and that it was my body and women have been having babies for centuries - oh and then I got a huge bill from that plus one from ER and another from the hospital for my D & E. It is all incredibly maddening.

I also relate about the in-laws and my own parents acting like it was nothing. My husband's grandparents wouldn't even acknowledge my pregnancy and of course didn't acknowledge my baby's death. It also can be upsetting.

I'm trying to just feel this phase and then let it go. It's interesting that I was so angry I couldn't even cry, but it did get me to exercise, which I need.

This site has been such a consolation. It is great that people understand and relate here. It is nice to not have to go it alone here.

Take care and I hope that you get out of doing Thanksgiving. It seems like it is way too much while going through something as major as this.

I just want to say it is normal how you are feeling. I lost my baby in April 16 at 18 weeks and have had two miscarriages since which were not as far. I am still mad. Hugs to you... I am here for you.

I know just what you are talking about!! I cry when the word Christmas even comes up. I had a d n c last year on christmas eve and I don't even want to think about it. I had my third miscarriage in June and don't know whether we are gonna try again or not. I have a pregnant co- worker... Well actually ten of them and of course all are having perfectly normal and happy pregnancies and for some reason feel the need to discuss it with me. I am happy for them but I die a little inside every time the pregnancy subject comes up. I can hardly make myself go to work someday and I am so mad at myself for harboring at least a few bad thoughts about my friends. Talking to people who get it helps though and I hope and pray I can work through it. A couple of times I have found myself telling one of the pregnant chicks who was complaining about being so sick that she needed to be greatful cause I would five my left arm to be sick.

It's been almost two weeks for me and at this point I can't imagine every getting over the hurt. The holiday's seem almost unbearable. For the first time I'm glad my husband works Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years this year because when he can't show up to all of our families' holiday events I don't feel so compelled to show up for everything. I'm hoping that I can find some holiday spirit and I hope the same for you :)

Anger is a part of the grieving process, a very natural one at that.

I'm a pretty laid-back, happy person, but after I lost my baby last year, I had anger that I never known before. Even those closest to me made me more angry than I could express. And that anger is not a part of who I normally am.

Just like Marie, I had to cut back on activities. I volunteered at a crisis pregnancy center before I lost my baby, and I haven't been back for quite a while (even though I tried to stay...). I also cut back on singing at church. You need time to take care of yourself right now.

I lost my little one last year the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I made it through Christmas last year. It was difficult, as I kept thinking about my baby, but I made it. I would not recommend isolation during the holidays. Reach out for those who comfort you the most. Do things to distract yourself, whatever makes you happy. You are loved, and people want to see you heal, even though they say the dumbest things sometimes. Do distance yourself from situations that you know would be extra difficult (e.g. extra-thoughtless people, situations with babies & young children & pregnant women, etc.).

I made it through, and you'll be OK. It takes lots of time, but hang in there. I really know where you're coming from, and my heart goes out to you. *hugs*

Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful replies. It's good to know that there are people here who understand.. and that I can vent and be mad without being judged.
Hugs to everyone.