Miscarriage Support Group

Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think that there is a time frame on grief. Sometimes things can hit you way after you think you are over the pain. I have had people tell me that most women "get over" thier miscarriages and that soon it would no longer hurt or bother. In talking to women who have experienced miscarriage, most women do not feel this was and always remember and miss their lost babies. Especially if you have not yet had another child, i don't think that the pain just goes away. While your sister may be one of the people that "move on" and don't care, I think most women are not like that. I too have to deal with my pregnant sister. Unfortunatly I found out that my sister was pregnant about 3 weeks after my miscarriage. It was the absolutly WOSRT possible thing that could have happened. I think I cried for an entire week. I want to be happy for my sister but I am just not. I am angry that she is pregnant and I am not. I hate that she got pregnant on birth control, and I am not even allowed to consider getting pregnant for another few months. I don't want to hear her complain or even talk about how tired she is and how her legs are swollen, honestly I don't even want to see her.

I cannot believe how mean pregnant women can be to women who ahve miscarried. my sister and I live in different states and she wanted to come visit me for vacation 3 weeks after my miscarraige. I was so angry, i really felt like she was rubbing her pregnancy in my face. I hate that my little sister will have her first child before I will have even one.

The best advice I have for you is to sit down with your sister and explain that despite the fact that her miscarriage didn't bother her yours does bother you. Tell her that even if she cannot comprehend your feelings, you expect her to respect them. I told my sister i was miserable she was pregnant and that her pregnancy made my loss so much more painful. I told her that unless she was in my shoes she should not judge me for my feelings. I told her one day I would be happy for her, but today is not that day.

I am very afraid of the day my sister gives birth. I would have had a newborn then, so seeing her with her baby will really hurt. There is no use denying my feelings, they are my reality. Unfortunately, i am just not strong enough to fake happiness for my sister. I explained to her that she is just going to have to deal with me and my sadness. its part of me now.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I know it feels awful. If you ever need to talk, I am here.

-Devorah

HI. I'm sorry for your loss. I had my son full term February 21, 2009. He died shortly after unexpectantly. That loss we were greatly supported by everybody. I concieved again 4 months later. At 18 weeks his heart stopped beating and I had to go in to deliver my next son. Not so much support since he wasn't full term. Like he was wanted any less. These children were number 7 and 8.
My sister who supported us after our first son died commented after our second loss. Apparently she had a miscarriage in the past but wasn't sure exactly when and didn't feel like talking about it. As I understand that's her right, I feel like talking about it. These losses are almost too much to bear. ANd the loss our other children feel as well is terrible. But she went on to say that I just talk about my losses to gain attention and that I should get over it already. Really? I lost two children in 7 months. I've been grieving now for like 9 months. I don't understand how people can let others know when grieving should end. I know women who are elderly who still miss and grieve their child they lost like 40 years ago. No one knows how much each loss affects another.
As for not having anymore because your husband won't agree to another is another loss in itself. You're losing any dreams and goals for a child you are wishing for. I am scared that maybe I won't get pregnant again or that I won't be able to carry to term and I'm feeling a loss even though I know it's too early since I have to have a ready body after our miscarriage. I hope you recieve enough support and are able to fully grieve. I do feel for you. I hope your holidays go okay as I fully understand how difficult it's going to be. Good luck.

I don't have much advice on this, because I struggle with it too.

Just today, I was wondering about the two extremes of pregnant women. The ones who bitch about every ache and pain. Then there are those who seem to brag about their pregnancy and talk about nothing else. I think I was in a crummy mood when thinking this, because I couldn't decide which type was harder to deal with!

I think you just have to have faith in God that your day will come. As long as you are taking care of yourself, and getting good medical care, you should have a sweet baby of your own one day soon.

It will be the baby you were meant to have. I think about this often. If I hadn't lost babies before my boys, I would never have my boys.

Having a place to vent like this, and knowing that what you are feeling is normal should help.

Here if you need to talk. ( My sister had her baby a week and a half ago- and I cried like a baby)

Kerry

Thank you so much for your replies. I appreciate all of your input and insight. I'm sorry that we are all going through this.

I look forward to the renewal and rebirth that I keep hearing comes after death.

Take care and thanks again.