Miscarriage Support Group

So sorry to hear about your loss.

Ask your husband to talk with his family and explain that you are not up for family get togethers just yet. If necessary, have him remind them that you have just lost a child and need time to grieve that loss. Do not expect anyone to "get it" unless they too have lost a child.

May you find the strength and peace that you need to get through this difficult time.

You don't have to torture yourself - if you don't want to be around her right now, you don't have to be. What is she thinking?!?! Alone time with you? It sounds a bit like she is being the selfish one in not respecting your privacy and your pain. It is perfectly OK to step away for a while to protect yourself. I wish you all the best in what you decide and hope you will be able to heal in the way you need to heal.

I am so sorry about your loss.

I feel the exact same way about being around pregnant women and babies right now. It is just too hard. You think you are doing ok, and then something like that sets you off. You absolutely do not have to spend time with your husband's sister right now, and your family has no right to be angry with you.

Sweetie, you are not selfish--you're greiving the loss of your precious baby and I'm sorry that you are going through this horrible pain. Just no that you are not alone.
You have every right to grieve in your own way, in your own time and if being around your pregnant SIL is going to add to your hurt(which it sure does for me)then you'll have to muster the strength to protect yourself from people who expect you to "get over it" or "move on" or try to push you into situations that you're just not ready for.
As for your SIL, she may be asking all of those personal painful questions because she truly wants to know what you went through. True enough, she may not have thought of you much before, but maybe she is genuinely trying to be there for you now. You may want to write her a brief email or letter explaining to her that you appreciate her concern but that you aren't ready to talk or visit with anyone right now and that you'll get in tuch when the pain is bearable.
Wishing you strength and peace.

I'm so sorry as well. I miscarried six months ago at eight weeks and I'm still going through so much pain. I thought the pain would have been less at this point, but being around anything baby related just brings back all my pain. I still avoid going to social events where I know I'll run into pregnant women or new mothers. I don't have any sound advice to give you except that you aren't selfish and you need time to grieve and be alone. Be patient with yourself and your feelings and give yourself everything you need during this time.

Thank you everyone for your your support and reminding me that I'm not alone and that there are other women out there who are dealing with my same struggles. Knowing that there are strangers out there who I have something in common with and who can take the time to share a kind word is something very special.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have every right to feel the way you do right now....you lost something very precious and you should never be made to feel that your anger and grief aren't justified.

That said, I don't think you should feel obligated to visit with your SIL. You're hurting right now, you're not in a good place. Just the very thought of a pregnant woman is painful enough, let alone a one-on-one visit with one who is so closely linked to you. I remember going to work every day after my m/c and seeing this girl I work with...she was 3 weeks ahead of me. It was a constant reminder of what I lost. I wanted to be happy for her but I just could not bring myself to discuss her pregnancy knowing I should've been not too far behind her. I had no choice in seeing this girl, it's my job and I had to be there. You do have a choice and if you choose not to see your SIL, you are in no way being rude, selfish, or unreasonable. Perhaps your DH could let his family know that you're simply not ready yet. As sld said, they probably won't get it but that's not really your problem. They should consider themselves lucky that they DON'T understand your pain, because to understand is to have experienced, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

You need to do what's best for YOU right now. Don't worry too much about everyone else.....it'll be MUCH easier for them to get over your absence than it will be for you to heal from your loss. Take all the time you need....family should be there for support, even if that support comes from them just backing off.

On a side note, I'm quite appalled that your SIL would WANT the "grizzly details". Most pregnant women avoid those of us who have miscarried like we have the plague or something. Hmm. Maybe she's just concerned after all, but for MOST expectant women the subject of miscarriage or stillbirth is usually considered taboo and avoided at all costs.

I guess you have to work out if the family really would be so angry that it's worth just being brave and sticking it out.
Personally I don't see how they could begrudge you wanting some quiet time and particularly avoiding a pregnant woman - how could they be so lacking in empathy?

I think that if I were forced into this situation I would indeed talk to the pregnant SIL about miscarriage and her risks and what it would feel like for her to find her baby dead at her next appointment (a friend of mine lost his baby at 16 weeks after it got tangled in the umbilical cord). She'd probably back off if you kept on about it - but it would have to be done without anger otherwise you'll just sound jealous.
You're not being selfish or ridiculous - it must be so hard in your line of work too.
I hope you can find some way to get the family to back off and be a bit more understanding.
I am sorry for your loss and hope that you begin to feel better soon.

I am going through the same thing. My sister in law called us about a month ago to tell us she was pregnant with her third child (after pointing out that it happened the first month they tried). Here I am 1 miscarriage and 6 months of trying later and not pregnant. My in-laws have known that I have been upset for the past year and that I have a hard time with pregnant people...until it was their daughter that I was upset about. All of a sudden, they started calling my husband everyday saying that something must really be wrong with me if I am still this upset about the miscarriage. What they dont realized that its not just the miscarriage itself, its the loss, the grieving, the constant reminder that everyone else is pregnant but me, its not being able to get pregnant since, its everything. I was really angry that my husband's family suddenly didn't get it when they had been supportive. So I bit the bullet and wrote my family and his family a very long email, explaining everything I have been through for the past year, including my 'pregnant person phobia' and how hard it is for me to be around people who are pregnant (this went to my SIL also). I told them all the honest truth and said that even if they did not understand how I was feeling, maybe they could at least respect that I am going through a hard time. Everyone in my family and my mother in law has sent very positive, loving replies to the email. My SIL is the only one who hasnt replied, shocker. It did make me feel better to 'get it all out there' esp. since I am a very private person. They are all supposed to come to our house for Thanksgiving (we live in a different city) and I have the same thoughts about not wanting to be near my SIL. Also, we are in the same boat b/c she's never been too supportive of me but is the type who would want to spend some alone time with me...part of me thinks its her unintentional way of rubbing it in. I still have not figured out how to handle it, but I am prepared that if she does corner me, I plan to tell her that I just cannot talk to her about it. Whatever you decide about the visit should be what is right for you and if you can't be around your SIL, don't. But most importantly, don't feel bad...we cannot and will not apologize for the way we are feeling, we can just hope that our family is sensitive to us during this difficult time. I'm thinking about you, let me know if you need to talk .

Again I just wanted to thank everyone for their lovely thoughts and suggestions. I have actually been able to respond to an e-mail from my SIL after a week, I wasn't able to muster up much, though I did tell her that I appreciate her thoughts and knowing that she is there for me. I was able to meet with a great friend who also had a miscarriage who was a tremendous source of support. Thank you all again :).