Miscarriage Support Group

Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the natural or accidental termination of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or the fetus is incapable of surviving, generally defined at a gestation of prior to 20 weeks. Miscarriages are the most common complication of pregnancy. The term "abortion" refers to any terminated pregnancy, deliberately induced or spontaneous, although in common parlance it refers specifically to active termination of pregnancy.

Miscarriages occur more often than most people think. About 25% of women will experience one in their lives. Up to 78% of all conceptions may fail, in most cases before the woman even knows she is pregnant. A fifth of confirmed pregnancies have some bleeding occurring in the first 20 weeks and in all 15% proceed to miscarriage.[2] After the age of 35, the risk of miscarriage increases considerably: 1 in 5 or 6. After 40, the risk increases to 1 in 3, and after 45 it is 1 in 2.

Although a woman physically recovers from a miscarriage quickly, psychological recovery can take a long time. Women can differ a lot in this regard: some are 'over it' after a few months, others take more than a year. Still other women may feel relief or other less negative emotions.

For the women who do go through a process of grief, it is often as if the baby had been born but died. How short a time the child in her womb has lived may not matter for the feeling of loss. From the moment a woman becomes aware that she is pregnant she can start to bond with her unborn child. When the child turns out not to be viable, dreams, fantasies and plans for the future are disturbed roughly.

Besides the feeling of loss, a lack of understanding by others is often important. People who have not experienced a miscarriage themselves may find it hard to empathise with what has occurred and how upsetting it may be. This may lead to unrealistic expectations of the woman's recovery. The pregnancy and miscarriage are hardly mentioned anymore in conversation, often too because the subject is too painful. This can make the woman feel isolated.

Interaction with pregnant women and newborn children is often also painful for a woman who has miscarried. Sometimes this makes the interaction with friends, acquaintances and family very difficult. Immediately after a miscarriage some women do not leave home at all for fear of meeting acquaintances or pregnant women.

A stillbirth occurs when a fetus, of mid-second trimester to full term gestational age, which has died in the womb or during labour or delivery, exits the maternal body. A large percentage of human stillbirths are of unknown causes, even in cases where extensive testing and autopsy have been performed.

As with any loss or traumatic event, particularly those involving one's offspring, a grieving period is to be expected; the mother often experiences a heightened sense of grief after a stillbirth, due to her close proximity to the child at the time of death. Grief reactions can range from normal depression, including misplaced guilt and/or blame, to psychosis, such as experiencing phantom fetal movement or newborn crying, inability to face taking down a nursery, "replacement child syndrome" in which the next child is saddled with the expectations of the "ideal" first child, or "vulnerable child syndrome" in which all subsequent children are seen as fragile and prone to harm or illness.

Everyone responds differently to grief and loss: some individuals cope better with their grief if presented with the option of spending personal time with their child, sometimes bathing, dressing, and taking photos of them; and many parents wish to keep memorabilia such as clothing, hospital bracelets, and/or footprints/ultrasound photos. Often, missing these opportunities (due to traumatic stress, illness, or other factor) or being denied them can compound the loss, and it is important that these options be expressly offered or suggested by the health care providers or others involved with the family. Many hospitals provide a "memory box" that contains a blanket and stuffed toy; these are donated to hospitals, primarily by local organizations concerned with stillbirth and child loss.

If the family has other children, developmental psychology generally suggests that: giving them the opportunity to meet their stillborn sibling allows them to experience the child as a real person and helps them understand death; it is natural for children to ask many questions, which should be answered openly and honestly, and they should be encouraged to share their thoughts and feelings, especially if they seem to be withdrawing; children tend to apply literal interpretations to what they are told, so accurate terminology should be used when discussing the stillborn child, death, and similar subjects, so that the child does not become confused or develop phobias (such as developing a sleeping phobia when a stillborn is referred to as "asleep")