What is Military Families
Today's military family faces a lifestyle that is comprised of frequent deployments, which results in increased family separations. This often proves to be a stressful challenge fo...
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How do you fill the hole in your heart ?
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October 21, 2008 was the worst day of my life (so far). I heard the recuiter come in the driveway and he cam in the house, we talked, we walked out together, we hugged and I couldn't let go. My boy who I gave 18 years of my to was leaving me, leaving his sisters, leaving his step-father who had raised him. The rough thing was though is I was all alone and no one was there with me, and that's how I wanted it. I became very bitter. I could not believe that my was about my children, and that's how it should be, you do all of that for that long and they leave. My son is the son every parent from the football team and tract team wanted and I know how blessed I am, blessed with all my children. I was such a screw-up as a teenager and my husband and I have been through hell so how did I get children like I did?
My son is so happy, he is doing what he has wanted to all his life and he is where he wants to be, why can't I be happy for him? Why everytime you hear that song, see his room, look at a picture I lose it, I have days where I cry all day because I miss him and I worry that he's not ok. My son always saw good in people, never bad, how can he survive ourt there? He's doing it, and loving it! But to this day I cry myself to sleep missing him. I try to hide it so hard for my girls, but the oldest knows. We talk but it just hurts to hard. We are from a small town and when people ask me about him, I can't even get through a conversation and not cry. When does the hurt end? Posted on 05/22/09, 10:05 pm |
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It always hurts when you have to say goodbye to a loved one, and while I have only had to do this with my husband when he gone on his numerous deployments, I think that you need to try and let go a bit.
It seems like you don't want to face the fact that he has grown up and moving on with his life. It's a natural progression, you do your job as a parent, then the child grows up and moves on to start their life. Have you looked into counseling because it seems like you're having a hard time adjusting. Good luck and hope you feel better about this soon. 
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I don't have experience as a mother letting her child go, but when my husband leaves (be it deployment or training), its hard to let go and deal those at first. I agree with UPandDown. You may want to look into counseling. If you feel uncomfortable going to a couselor, then try talking to a local pastor (or similar). It may help to get those feelings out and allow you to move forward with your life. Remember, you have other children to move forward for. I don't mean to sound rude, but they need you here and now! You have to take the steps to feeling better for them, if not for yourself.
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Hi Herbster, Your post caught my attention.
As a Mom who just ealier this week watched her son graduate basic training I wanted to let you know that the moment your son is released from formation and can come to you, you'll know how much he appreciates your support through this. You will see his gratitude in his eyes as he stands a little straighter..walks with more confidence. I am like you, scared for him, wanting to be selfish and beg him not to go on and then second guessing those feelings. Im feeling down knowing its another 19 weeks till I see him again. You are not alone. I know you feel like you are even made it so you are, but know as long as you come here and open up, there are others like you who will listen. Hugs to you Herbster
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l am not sure how to do this but my only child left on 28 may l am having a bad time l cannot sleep i could not have any more children and the lost feel is so heavy i feel sick can some help
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l am having trouble coping with the war please someone talk to me
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Well momma, its called raising children, can't cure a normal crying response, but, in the end it is about them.
Fortunately I anticipated the day and I raised my son to be independent and able to conduct himself while not in my presence...anything after that, his formal training and the able people around him will take care of him. When the time came to leave, I cried and laughed at myself while he smiled. He appreciates that I will miss him and that he sees that I am his mom...crying over MY temporary loss... It is not about me, so I wished him well with losta hugs and kisses. Now he has the confidence, strength of chracter and support from me to take care of himself and the others around him who need him as much as he needs them. Operate from a position of strength and not weakness...mostly to maintain the respect of your children to follow. Hang in there!
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By the way, when you pine over one child it destroys the confidence out of those left behind without your time and attention...they can't fill the void, they can't help you and they see weakness and favoritsm modeled. Is that what you want them to learn? No, teach them strength and what it means to carry on! I am sure your son would want it that way as well. You can do it! Be strong mom! :)
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