Military Families Support Group

I forgot to mention that he came back from his tour in Iraq, the end of November.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having so many issues. First off, don't get married quite yet. Wait a bit and try to fix your relationship first. I would suggest maybe meeting with a counselor or pastor (or the equivalent if you are religious) and see if he/she could help you learn to communicate and work through your issues. While I understand that our soldiers have to deal with transitioning back into our world (and out of war), it is not o.k. for him to treat you with such disrespect. A marriage (or relationship) cannot work when there is hostility. I wish you the best of luck and hope that ya'll can work through this. If you need to talk, I am here!

Do not get married until you are 100% sure that you will be treated the way you deserve to be treated. I rushed into marriage with my husband before we fixed our issues and now we are getting a divorce 5 months later. Make sure that being with him is really what is best for you,, I know it's hard to imagine life without someone who you love but sometimes you really must think about the pros and the cons and what's best for you - not him.

I have thought and rethought the same advice that you have given me and it's still something I am grasping. I told him that we will need counseling but we are distance. I try so hard to understand him to be a better gf, like the fact that our problems are so excessive among the long distance because I can't comfort him physically. He struggles with the fact that I'm far away after he came back, and when he wakes up from nightmares, or such, I am not there. I had classes here still which held me to this state andnow it's just impatience.

Get used to it.He's brained washed from from the traning.I'm estranged from my son because of it.I've been all over the internet and we are not alone!!!

I agree, don't get married until his and your problems are much improved. My late husband was a Korean War PTSD sufferer, and so was I as a result. His tremendous survivor guilt meant that he felt he had no right to a good life and tried to destroy our happiness.

After much searching for solutions I read The Primal Scream by Arthur Janov. I realized that I needed to do what he teaches, because by that time I had PTSD from the marriage and being raped while my husband was out getting drunk. Eventually I was able to coax him into a workshop and then he proceeded to make great strides. This included him reliving the trauma of killing someone hand to hand, and having someone die in his arms.

I strongly encourage you to read the book as you will have a much better idea of how to help him. With the nighmares it is obvious what he is suffering. If you are in the mid Atlantic area, I go to a monthly free self-help meeting where we discharge our negative feelings. I am trying to build a group of skilled people with a special interest in military PTSd as probably 100,000 are suffering and need all the help we can learn to give.