Military Families Support Group

yes your right patncat i do. i just need to figure out if he is that man stil or if this is the new him.

Airforcecutie,

he has been over there since NOV 08' they have been having a lot of exercises but this has never stopped him before. i am not sure what he is thinkng or if he is not. he's a gp mechanic. i have spoken with his first shirt and the only thing i have been told is he will not make hm call home. i am not sure what to do about that. its tough.

I'm about to be brutally blunt and honest here:

Get out of that relationship!! One minute he wants a divorce, the next minute he wants to wait.. for what? Maybe more paychecks from the military that says he's "married"? I'm sorry but he doesn't deserve you and you deserve so much more. I can completely understand the whole "first love" and been together for so long thing and you don't wnt to throw it away but, honey, we all need a first heartbreak too!

You cannot live your life on edge, wondering, and waiting, when he's off not doing the same for you. Find yourself a man who WANTS to be with you and actually proves it. You shouldn't have to search for your man because he should WANT to talk to you. A seperation or divorce is in some serious order!

Waiting for the other shoe to drop is hell on earth...he needs to man up and speak the truth...to YOU, but, he can not find it in himself to do the right thing.

You are really ready to accept a change...but, make sure to lay tracks before you leave. Consider how much school you have left and what you are living on and then "go and grow"!

No more e-mails or phone calls...he won't read or respond. Send legal separation papers so he cannot ruin your credit...see what he does...follow-up with divorce papers. He clearly wants out of the drama.

Then, one day, your depression will lift...the immature lifestyle will be a thing of the past...and you will find a mate that does not drag you through the dirt, but lift you up!

Its a great feeling. How do I know this??? Been there, done that, ain't goin' back, been happily moving forward ever since I did that for myself.

I'm not 100 percent sure I should post this or not, but it may help you in some way. My husband is currently at Osan as well. We talk almost every day through our webcams. I haven't talked to him all this week because of an exercise and the hours he's been working, but we usually talk once or twice a day. Not always for a long time, but still. He's been gone for three months.

I agree with whoever it was that said you should go to his 1st shirt. This is just not right. I am SO sorry you are having to deal with this. I have a hard enough time with my three year old and talking to him almost everyday.

Big hugs!

Ok, this is what I'm understaning from this.
He can call but he hasn't.
The military can't force him to call.
The relationship was rocky to begin with You don't know where it stands, and you can't even ask him.
Well, it looks like you can't do too much. So, take this time to think whether you want to remain in this relationship. If you do, how can you contribute to fixing it? And if he does not want to remain in the marriage, what steps do you need to take to move on.

You certainly don't want to keep pushing though. It'll only make things erupt. Let him reach out to you.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know it has to be hard for you. If you ever need to talk, I'm here to listen.

That being said, it sounds as though you need to re-evaluate the relationship. You cannot force him to stay in a relationship, and you shouldn't want to either. My advice is to stop trying to contact him and do something for yourself. Take time to think through what you truly want out of life, out of a relationship, and out of this marriage. Once you've decided that (and no it won't be easy to figure out), send your hubby a letter or email explaining your thoughts on the matter and go from there. Hope to have helped a little bit!

I wanted to take the time to thank everyone for your responses. I have been reading them and considering them a lot. I also wanted to respond to everyone’s posts.
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Jasminmaria,
I appreciate your honesty its all I ever wanted in life. I don’t know what or why he is constantly shifting. Looking back over our relationship I have to admit this is not the first time. Before we were married he did something very similar. I don’t know what or why he is waiting other than he is very confused, angry, and hurt. Whether by his own making or not, I feel such a compassion and understanding with that. I know I deserve more, I want more, I need more but I cannot seem to run out on him. Even though he is the one who ran out on me does that make any sense at all? I know that this man he is being is not him, not who he is. I am so confused as to what happened to him to make this happen.
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Dailyfood,
Your right he does need to man up and tell me the truth. Here’s the question what if he doesn’t know the truth. I myself cannot understand why I would want to stay with a man who would do this. I only want the truth and it is the one thing that he cannot seem to stick to. I have not spoken or written him in over two weeks. It hurts but as someone else’s says he needs to come to me. Finally my meds have kicked in and I am not obsessing too much nor am I doing anything though. I just don’t know how to reconstruct my life and dreams. Day by day is all I have.
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Jerseybug,
I am sorry you have not talked to your spouse in a while. I have gone to his 1st shirt several times but have not been able to really go into detail. I am sure my spouse is lying to him and that is why things have not gotten done. I will be writing his first shirt again here soon. I love being a military wife I am not sure how things became so bad. I just know that Minot, ND made our lives hell and we fell apart. I want nothing more than to fix these issues so he and I can get back to normal.
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Rain2325,
I am doing as you suggest but I have to admit I know that I do not want a divorce. I may not have a choice however. I do not know why I want this relationship. It is really hard to think about the last 12years being a waste of time and energy. When he still loves me and I him does this not mean that we still can fix our issues? That is a question I have
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Mrs. Divin,
You are very right I do need to re-evaluate my relationship. I honestly still cannot believe this stuff has happened. Feels very much like a dream of horror, with your advice as well as others I have not contacted him in over two weeks. I am not ready to give him separation papers. I don’t want to send it then fail to go through with it. I must be willing and able to go all the way. I am not yet at the knowing what I want out of life, relationship and marriage but I am thinking on it and I need to just sit and write it out. It’s difficult. For the first time all I want to do is run away.

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I am so confused as to why I want to stay with this man. He is such a jerk right now. I know I love him but why? How can I love a man who would do this? So many misunderstandings have led to such pain and anguish.