Military Families Support Group

I would not tell him. It would do niether of you any good. If you truly are planning on trying to make the marriage work, get through this deployment first. And unless you think whatever was making him visit prostitutes can affect his ability to be a soldier(i.e. severe mental illness) there is no reason to tell his commander.

He needs to concentrate on the mission right now.

You need to concentrate on yourself right now. And decide what you want to do.

Just my opinion.

Personally I would tell him what I know so hes not out there doing the same thing....make him think about what he did to his wife at home and tell his commander so he can get help there and when he gets home...theres No reason you should suffer at hoome and he thinks everything is okay at home when its not...I would never be able to keep that to myself I would have to tell him so when he gets home he knows things have to change...thats what I would do personally if my husband was in that situation...whatever you do I hope the best for you both.

Thank you both for your insights. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize his mission, well-being, or capacity to serve those who are counting on him over there. Telling him now would change nothing or lessen my pain. I have decided to use this time to heal, evaluate options, and map my own path forward. I am in counseling to help me get through this.

I can continue to be supportive and keep this heartbreak under wraps only because I do care about him and support our mission there. I pray each day for his safe return, for the safety of all our troops, and for peace in the region. I admit, I also pray for the strength to see this through.

Thanks again - I appreciate your advice.

Your so strong! I think you made a very wise decision!

You should first talk to someone else, so you will have chance to approach him in a calm manner. You should tell him so you both can take the time to work on this problem. I would not tell his commander, especially if you want to save your marriage and his career. I'm only telling you this because once you cross that boundary there is no turning back.

At this point, I would ask yourself if you trust him...if he is willing to see prostitutes while he is still here, what makes you think he won't cheat on you while there?
I recently went through the same thing. I found out a bunch of accounts my husband had on dating sites, emails, texts and phone calls to girls..and then when he was confronted about it I found out about the women he had sex with while he was deployed to Afghanistan. Needless to say, we are now getting a divorce!
That doesn't mean that all men are like that...doesn't mean that he is doing you wrong while deployed BUT I would really think about it. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to accept that kind of behavior. I understand not wanting to confront him while he is there, but I would continue with the therapist. I would suggest that when he does come home, you sit down with him and have a serious conversation about it all with him. Tell him that you know he did you wrong, that you have struggled through this deployment to continue to hold your marriage together. I'd suggest that you guys do marriage therapy and also, I would suggest that you make him get tested for any STD's BEFORE you two are intimate again!!

You are smart not to tell him while he's deployed. They tell us not to tell our soldiers anything that will distract them from their mission. Its not safe for him to have that on his mind, even if you do want to strangle him which I can imagine you do. Get yourself a counselor so it does not eat you away while he's gone. Good luck to both of you.