What is Mental Retardation
Mental retardation is a term for a pattern of persistently slow learning of basic motor and language skills ("milestones") during childhood, and a significantly below-normal global...
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Raising a child with a disability
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The Beauty of Holland by Emily Pearl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful vacation plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very, very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?", you say." What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy. " But there's been a change in the flight plan. They landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned.' And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland. Posted on 05/28/08, 05:05 am |
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That's a great story. Thanks for sharing. It's just like that. Barb 
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Thank you so much. I was feeling this way to night. Your absolutly right. I love her with all my heart, and the joy she brings.
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i loved your story and it was put so beautiful! i was on that same plane trip i think and never got there either. i love my daughter even though she is different from others but special in her own way. she came in on her own plane into my life and i am so glad about that. i would not change a thing, again, thanks for sharing this. hugs, judy
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I love that! Here is a follow up. Celebrating Holland- I'm Home
By Cathy Anthony (follow-up to the original \Welcome to Holland\ by Emily Perl Kingsley) I have been in Holland for over a decade now. It has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle and adjust, to accept something different than I'd planned.I reflect back on those years of past when I had first landed in Holland. I remember clearly my shock, my fear, my anger, the pain and uncertainty. Inthose first few years, I tried to get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can say how far I have come on this unexpected journey. I have learned so much more. But, this too has been a journey of time. I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language and I slowly found my way around this new land. I have met others whose plans had changed like mine, and who could share my experience. We supported one another and some have become very special friends. Some of these fellow travelers had been in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way. Many have encouraged me. Many have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. I have discovered a community of caring. Holland wasn't so bad. I think that Holland is used to wayward travelers like me and grew to become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, to assist and to support newcomers like me in this new land. Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned some of the important lessons I hold today? Sure, this journey has been more challenging and at times I would (and still do) stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is slower paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy, but this too has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down in ways too and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland with its tulips, windmills and Rembrandts. I have come to love Holland and call it Home. I have become a world traveler and discovered that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special, the very lovely, things that Holland, or any land, has to offer. Yes, over a decade ago I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful, for this destination has been richer than I could have imagined!
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Thanks for that.
I truly believe that Christopher has enriched my life. Yes, he's a handful and I will need to care for him for the rest of my life, but he has changed my life for the better. I have a different agenda now. I am less judgemental and take time to appreciate here and now rather than always searching for something better. I often feel sorry for some of my friends who are blessed with typical children yet constantly moan and do not appreciate their lot in life! Sometimes we need to step off the treadmill and re-evaluate what's important. Christopher has been my chance to do that.
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I love the follow up story also. Now that my children are grown,and leaving home,I should be getting empty nest syndrom, but because I have my perfect precious child....I'm not alone. I love you Gayle Marie.
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You are sooo right, next time i feel a little down and gonna come back and read this again
xx
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I love this.. You made my day.. Thanks a mil
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My husband, our 2 biological daughters, and I welcomed 2 girls with disabilities into our family over 2 years ago. The oldest child has ADHD and depression. The youngest child is MR with diagnosed ADHD, anxiety disorder, and OCD. We felt by opening our home to these girls that we would be doing something worthwhile. We felt we would be giving back for all that we had been so graciously given. However, even though we do love the girls, dealing with the lying, stealing, manipulation, and deceiptfulness can be overwhelming sometimes. We never knew that we would have to honestly deal with so much drama. The hardest realization that we have had to accept is that our counselor says that we should not expect it to get any better. She says that they are functioning at levels where such behavior is typical. She has given us the serenity prayer to quote and says just to bear with it until they each reach 18. We feel so frustrated and hopeless, but continue to provide everything that the girls need even if they appreciate it or not.
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