Menopause Support Group

AH viking. You are in a tough spot. I am sorry for you and my husband too. It is so hard to tell you what will help. I am having a hard time figuring out what I am going through as it varies so much.Mostly, in my case, I want to be left along. But I think we are all different in how we feel. I can't even tell my poor husband what I want, as it will surley change in an hour.

Hi viking. Check out this site. There are some really good articles here,
http://www.power-surge.com

I went to the website and read a little. Mostly what i got out of it was for me to be patient, backrubs, walks, tell her I love her, reassure her of my love for her, bring flowers....

I do those things...Havn't told her to take sex off the menu until she is ready...but it is a thought.

It is hard to wrap my head around how much she liked sex and now nothing to do with it. aaaahhhhhh! sorry had to be done.

This is a hard thing to deal with for you! Because of your age difference you are not slowing down in this yet and she is. I can only speak for myself but as a Christian I know my body is not just my own. My husband still has needs even though I don't feel that desire as before. It's tough but because I love him I need to be there for him. The last thing I want is for him to go to someone else. Please don't stray from your marriage. Talk to her about your feelings and see if she still can be there for you. There is no magic pill to make this change, but only willingness for both of you to work together!

Morning viking. Looks like this is a hard subject for us to talk about. I think it is because we don't honestly know how to answer you. My husband and I talked about it last night. We are just the opposite of you and your wife. I am 12 years younger than my husband. He is having a hard time dealing with my menopause too. He is very understanding (meaning he leaves me along when I lose it) but we do discuss this a lot. To be honest with you I am glad he is not younger than me. This is so hard on any marriage. And it is not just the sex either. It is every day things too. I guess what I am saying is hang in here. It is not easy.

Viking-I know this is hard for you and harder for your wife. As a 46 year old going through perimenopausal myself, I have so many different things happening at once. My husband bless his heart is trying to deal with my change in moods, lack of sex drive and everything else that goes along with menopause. It might be a good idea to talk to your wife's doctor so you can get more insight on what's going on with her at this time and see what you can do to help the process. I know that I have to make an effort to have sex with my husband because I once before enjoyed it and we did it more often than we do now. It is a tough situation to be put into but if you love your wife, be there for her and don't stray from your marriage because that is the easy thing to do. Marriage is tough, through sickness and health, keep that in mind. Just remember that if it was the other way around, would your wife be there for you if something would happen to you. I bet she would. Get all the information you can and read up on it. My husband did and it made it a lot easier. He went to my doctor and discussed the things I will be experiencing at this time of my life. Stay strong. It can only get better not worse than you think. DebbT.

Viking-nice to know you are sticking by your wife. Menopause is part of the life cycle for both partners. Some women go through with a breeze and others don't. Being younger with a stronger sex-drive then she makes it harder. but when marrying it is for better or worse and menopause brings the worse out of all us I am sure. It does me. I have been in this state now for 11 years surgery induced. I hate sex, hot flashes are better, moodiness is the pits, I like to be left alone if anything a hug to say I understand and I am here is all I want. As my doctor said to me Just because your body is saying this (menopause) your pituary gland doesn't know this. I have been married for 35 years now and 5 kids. We have an understand and are committed to each other because we did do for better and worse and in sickness and health part of life's cycle that was intended for us.

Hello, loving husband.
I just had a talk with my own loving husband of 11 years. He was feeling guilty that he was pleasuring himself without waiting for me. I assured him that he should not only enjoy himself when he needs to, but also to remember that my lack of interest in sex was not anything to do with him (if you look at the other 34 symptoms of menopause, how is anybody supposed to feel like having sex, anyway? Intense gas pains, panic attacks and fatigue aren't good aphrodisiacs). Anyway, hang in there. Sooner or later, it'll go away. Meanwhile all the simple hugs, strokes on the cheek, and backrubs will be like heaven to her. Good Luck!

Hello, loving husband.
I just had a talk with my own loving husband of 11 years. He was feeling guilty that he was pleasuring himself without waiting for me. I assured him that he should not only enjoy himself when he needs to, but also to remember that my lack of interest in sex was not anything to do with him (if you look at the other 34 symptoms of menopause, how is anybody supposed to feel like having sex, anyway? Intense gas pains, panic attacks and fatigue aren't good aphrodisiacs). Anyway, hang in there. Sooner or later, it'll go away. Meanwhile all the simple hugs, strokes on the cheek, and backrubs will be like heaven to her. Good Luck!

I'm in the throws of it myself and find if my husband listens to me and reads all the stuff I do that maybe it will be better. I know cuddling isn't the answer but it sure could lead to better things. It's very difficult in the middle of a night sweat. Please be patient with her, this too shall pass.