What is Lupus
Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE or lupus) is a chronic, potentially debilitating or fatal autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks the body's cells and tissue, resul...
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I dont understand family/people
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Hi my friends..Im really behind in reading posts and responding because I have been under the weather lately. Getting that stomach bug and the pred. wreaked havok on my body and I am just not starting to feel better. Of course, I had to go back up to my 10mg of prednisone so my tapering failed once again. This time, it caused me to have prednisone psychosis which was horrible.
Anyways, this is not what I needed to vent about. What is eating me up is how rude and inconsiderate your own family can be when you have clearly made a point of how important something is for your own wellbeing/health. Im so ticked off at my sister right now. I dont want to fight with her but dont know if I should say anything to her (AGAIN)Everyone in my family knows that I am immuno compromised and have no immune system from the drugs I am on. They all know I am freaked out about getting sick. I just got over being sick and having to have 2 bags of fluids at urgent care. They know I get everything that comes within 20 feet of me. So, I saw my sister on Thursday. I was suppose to go to her house for a halloween party and to trick or treat in her area. TONS of kids and Im going to be honest. I was so freaked out about being around all the kids/people at the party that I lied and said ryan had a fever so couldnt go. Sun. I was suppose to go to my cousins party where my sister and tons of other family/friends were going to be there but because I had said ryan had a fever, I got us out of that one too. Something just told me not to be around all these people. Well, guess what? My sister is sick today with a respiratory infection. She said she had been feeling under the weather for a few days but started to get really sick yesterday at the family party (that I didnt go to). Basically, she kept this from me...that she wasnt feeling well and would have had me around her halloween and yesterdays party without telling me she didnt feel well. When she told me this, I couldnt believe it. She must hate me and enjoy that I am sick or get sick because why would she NOT tell me she wasnt feeling well and to stay home? She has done this before when I wasnt nearly as immuno suppressed as I am now. When I said, "Thank g-d I wasnt around you" she said nothing. I dont trust anyone to help keep me healthy and safe. Of all people, my sister knows how distressing it is for me to be so immuno suppressed and how much I worry about getting sick. I want to just scream at her at how inconsiderate she is. She had my mom over last year when she was sick. Didnt tell me, told my mom to come over anyways, and I got sick. They all know how easy I get sick. The kicker is that my sister is a hypochondriact who freaks out about every little thing and she is perfectly healthy. I really cant trust anyone which is why I dont want to be around people or my family right now. They clearly dont get it. To top it, as sick as she is she is still running a couple of errands that she claims she has to get done, only to spread her germs to everyone else. Am I missing something? Am I over reacting at being upset over this? I dont know if I should email her as it will really do no good (she never does anything wrong) but I needed to tell someone just to get it off my chest. I would NEVER put anyones health at risk knowing they have health issues let alone my own family. This is so typical though. Mind boggling to me. I will end now because Im working myself up and I could go on and on. I give up.... Thanks for being my ear and venting venue...Dont know what I would do without you guys. Hugs to all Melissa Posted on 11/02/09, 04:11 pm |
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Melissa,
I am so sorry that you are so upset. It seems like you knew some how that it was a no no to go to the parties. I think that your sister probably does not quite understand how bad it could get if you caught something. Some people just don't think of other peoples health. I am glad that you knew to stay away and that you did not get the sickness. I do not know if you should e-mail her like you said it probably would not do any good. It is such a bad time with all of the illnesses going around so it is probably better for you to stay in as much as possible. Which I am sure is hard with a little boy with you. Family can be so stressful, I haven't talked to my sister in 3 years, and I am happier not being around her, not that I am telling you not to talk to your sister, but I can relate. We cannot pick our families. I hope venting helped and you don't feel too anxious.... Take care, xoxxo Marissa 
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I completely understand how vulnerable and hurt you are feeling right now. Having family who are not listening to your fears and very real concerns is frustrating and sad. Like Marissa, I haven't spoken to my sister (who is my only full sibling) for years....I just don't like the way she operates and she causes a lot of trouble from time to time..I too don't advocate cutting people off, and I think emailing would probably just make you feel worse and I doubt it will sink into your sister's head that she is being selfish and unreasonable.
That said, I sometimes think because we are alone so often with our thoughts, we can go into fret hyperdrive....especially when we have small people to take care of. Try not to cut yourself off entirely and try and organise for Ryan to attend some of these things and maybe you can hang out away from the crowd (remember the song....I'm always in the kitchen at parties...) Masks and hand sanitsers are handy to have too. I am social to a point, but not the huggy, kissy type, so avoid contact and therefore infections that way. Anyway, hope you feel better and try not to get yourself in knots over your family/sister, rise above it and remember, you can always express your feelings here. Love, light and peace from the land of Aus. x
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My entire husbands family is like this... they still have gatherings even if sick or feeling sick only to spread it to all of us... we have gotten into many "conflicts" over this... Actually my father in law came to the hospital very sick with a bad cold that he called a "sinus infection" (rolling eyes) and guess who went home sick for 2 weeks? My husband, myself newborn baby and daughter were sick as dogs for the first two weeks home it was HELL ON EARTH! even after my husband riped into him for getting us all sick they still continue to come around us sick or not feeling well... my brother in law came to our wedding rehearsal dinner with a stomach virus! he would not NOT come! so I understand your frustration and fear... we dont even like going around them because their youngest is in daycare and they are ALWAYS sick... it ridiculous... and like you I come into a few feet of someone sick and I get it :( so far in a month and a half I have had a stomach virus, the flu, cold and now bronchitis :( going to be a fun winter huh? all I can say is keep your distance and tell them if they even feel a little under the weather to stay away from you or at least give you a heads up so you can decide if you want to risk it or not... it's ridiculous how people especially family doesnt take this serious... it's bad enough having lupus but with the drugs we are all on that lower our immune system you would think they would take it seriously... but NOPE! hang in there girl... and vent away!
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Next time just ask them to be sure instead of waiting for them to tell you. My sister would do the same thing only because she forgets, not that she is vindictive or anything. Just protect yourself because no one is going to be as cautious as you are. Most people think of the cold or the flu as nothing.
When my dd was in daycare there were so many bugs and viruses around I sometimes wander if it was something from there that started all my problems. I don't underestimate these viruses because you never know what they can lead too, especially with immune disorders.
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Thank you guys so much for the support. I have let it go and felt better immediately after venting to you all. I cannot tell you how many times I have told them all that I CANNOT be around anyone who doesnt feel well or is sick. They arent stupid, they just dont take it seriously or have much concern for my well being. This is nothing new...Im not emailing her because just like you guys said, its like beating a dead horse. Its just so hard for me to understand how people can be this way because I am so considerate of others and their feelings/issues. Whats funny is that when the shoe is on the other foot its a whole different story. I sware, I dont think Im really related to my own family :) LOL. I just get so ticked off that I cant even trust them to stay away from me when they arent well. Geesh.
The only reason why I dont move away is for Ryan. He needs his family/cousins since he is an only child. If we didnt have him, I would be in oregon. Honestly, I wouldnt miss them. They do not benefit me in any way, just cause me stress. I dont enjoy being around any of them, actually. I have come a long way though. I dont let them upset me nearly as much or as badly as I use to. I have distanced myself which is what I have to do to stay as well as possible. I will not allow them to dictate what is right for me or ryan anymore. Having you guys helps me so much not to stuff these feelings. I feel so much better getting knowing that I can express myself to people who understand. Im a huge stuffer! Tonight I ran some errands. Was in a couple stores hearing people coughing and sneezing and found myself holding my breath while running for the door! Is that insane or what? LOL. Im loosing it..... Hugs and love to you all and thank you again for being here for me Meliss
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Not crazy just being careful out of nessity sorry can't spell brain issues. LOL!!! Good luck I feel the same way about hubby's family and he works in a family business. He is still worried about getting fired! His family are just cold mean people!! Selfish, rude, mentally ill and I mean seriously mentally ill. A therapist actually asked us if his mother was ever instutionallized b/c she is so mentally ill, yes they made us go to therapy with them and then they quit..LOL!! The therapist did not take sides and was truthful and they could not handle it. It was kind of funny b/c if I don;t find humor in them I would cry. Some people are a mess!! Mental illness is very serious and can have a negative on everyone around them. MIL fights with everyone there are stores she is banned from b/c she caused so much trouble...who does that!!!! CRAZY!!! I could go on for hours about all of the awful things she has done to me and others I want to write a sitcom about our families. I have a friend who is a writer living in L.A. and we have talked about this. LOL!!
Take care I am happy you feel better. Best wishes.
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Marissa....I am the same way. I have to laugh at everyone and everything or else I would cry or be institutionalized. I too have thought my life would be a good sitcom. The most unbelievable stuff happens to me constantly (especially animal wise) and unless you really know me, most would think I am a pathological liar and that one person couldnt possibly have as bad of luck as me. Im like shlepprock.
I cannot believe what you have to deal with in your hubby's family! Thank goodness you handle it well. I agree that mental illness can be very difficult for the people surrounded by the person with the illness. I have a bi-polar cousin who doesnt think she has any problems. You should hear the drama she has caused in the family. Hope everyone has a wonderful day, xoxo
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QUOTE....."Tonight I ran some errands. Was in a couple stores hearing people coughing and sneezing and found myself holding my breath while running for the door! Is that insane or what? LOL. Im loosing it..... "
NOPE you are NOT going crazy!!! NOR are you insane!!! Some people have no concept of what we are going through with this lupus....family is no exception here either....they are the worst offenders....my family is the same....they do not understand the suffering we go through without the added pressure of worrying about catching something that they so willingly want to spread about.... On my front door I have a notice posted that reads: Before entering these premises or before touching the doorknob please SANITIZE your hands.... Upon entering my home if you cough or sneeze please do so by covering your spew.... If you have any kind of cold or flu DO NOT ENTER these premises.... What you learned about sharing in grade school DOES NOT APPLY to any illnesses that you might be carrying.... Thank You footnote: This notice applies to family members too!! :)
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has anyone thought about wearing those disposable face masks out in public? I dont have the courage to do it but I really think I need to... but then people are going to look at me like i have h1n1 or something... i dont know... the idea for the sign is a good idea i am gong to make one and duck tape hand sanitizer next to my door handle lmao
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That is a great idea about the sign on the door!! I dont ever get visitors so do you think I could make a vest to wear in public that says the same thing? LOL. I sware putting a sign on myself has crossed my mind before...Hey, maybe we should create a lupus awareness shirt to wear during the winter months. It could explain why we are wearing masks! Grin.
MO. I have a box of the masks and I did have to wear them when I had to visit my dad in the hospital. Yes, I felt like a freak, Yes, we should wear them in crowds, and no, I havent had the courage to wear the ones I have in Target or anywhere else because people will stare. Honestly, we shouldnt care. In Asia, wearing masks is normal. Here, spreading germs is normal :( You should have some on hand but they have to be the kind that is 95% filtering. Not the paper ones.
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