What is Lupus
Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE or lupus) is a chronic, potentially debilitating or fatal autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks the body's cells and tissue, resul...
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Just Saying No
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I keep saying "ok" to my grown daughters when I think I should be and want to say "no". I just got finished babysitting my 3 month old grandaughter (who I adore of course) while her mother just had to go to the movies. Never mind the fact that I just kept her all night Friday night while she went to an out of town wedding. I also routinely babysit my 9 month old grandson also while his mother goes to school. I am so tired I don't hardly know where I am right now. I just went to the rhemy yesterday. He increase my prednisone to 40mgs and my imuran also. Additionally, I am having terrible headaches daily. I think I just need to tell them no. The obviously aren't picking up the signal that I am just not up to it. I don't mind helping them when it is absolutely necessary if I am able, but I think it is a bit much to babysit so they can "have fun". Am I wrong? Does this make me a bad grandmother/mother?
Posted on 07/01/09, 08:07 pm |
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No you are not bad! i just spent two and a half weeks with very demanding out of town family. i too have to communicate with them that i have this demanding disease that needs to be dealt with first or i can't do anything.
it is funny how i can clearly see that you aren't a bad mother/grandmother but i have a hard time seeing that i am not a bad mom/grammy. i guess that's why we have each other here to shine a light on the truth. You are NOT BAD! You are not WRONG! 
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Of course you are not a bad grandmother or mother. You need to watch out for your health so you can be there for them as long as you can, and when you can. Maybe its time just to sit down and just have a heart to heart and compromise, and let them know its not them its just that you cant b/c of the illness not b/c you dont love them, b/c you obviously do.
It sounds to me you are a great mother and grandmother but you wont be any good to anyone if you aren't good to yourself first. With Love and hugs Sherry
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Yolanda,
You need to learn to be more SELFISH. That was one of the first things I learned when I went to a support group years ago. If we are good people we want to take care of our kids, our spouses, our grandkids, friends and put ourselves last. But especially with this disease, we HAVE TO LEARN to put our own needs FIRST. If we don't, then we won't have ANYTHING to give those family and friends we love because we'll be too sick, right? So doesn't it benefit them in the long run for us to be more selfish with our time? Of course it will take them all time to get used to this new attitude, but they will. And they won't love you any less..... Tracy
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No, my mother tells me when she can take my daughter not vice versa. I am not hurt when she can't do it. She takes her on the weekends sometimes but not on a regular basis. I would say that this is temporary when they really need you but that your just too tired to do it all the time. They will understand I would.
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You must start putting your health further up your "list"....You are obviously in need of some rest and time to yourself, and the upped dosages of your medication will be knocking you around as well. Just be honest with your daughters, it doesn't make you a bad grandmother or mother, after all they are not in crisis, they are leaving the children with you to further their education or for recreation. These are "luxurious options" not necessities of life. They are not children, so don't treat them as such. They are grown women, I would expect them to be able to deal with it like adults. Perhaps the sisters could "team" up and take turns with each others children....that way they can enjoy themselves from time to time, without wearing you out. Take care Yolanda x
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No you are not a bad mother or grandmother. Sit down and have a talk with them as you do need to take care of you. hugs marilyn
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I to say, You are NOT a bad mother/grandma! I agree with ladies, you have to make yourself come first due to your health. I know it easier said than done, I have that trouble with one of my kids, she is pregnant and her husband is in afganastan....so she depends on me a lot. I am trying to help her to understand that when I am sick or down in bed she needs to better understand. It's taking a while, but she is getting it finally.
Your kids will understand and don't let them lay any guilt on you. good luck, hugs paige
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