Loneliness Support Group

I think it is I feel the same way I only feel comfortable relating to people online don't get out much It's just not healthy but it's a start.

sometimes i have the same feelings and reactions.i feel like nobody cares about me,they all use me or want to use me for something,then they just move on to other ppl.i feel like everybody is moving on with their lives and i am the only one in the same place at life.if i ask for help myself,they just ignore me.so i always wonder if is just me going crazy or simply ppl being selfish and superficial....

I used to get way too attached to people. (This is IRL.)

But I finally learned the long and hard way that most people don't get that attached.

When I was younger, and I would go to a party and meet someone (not romantically, just as a pal, either male or female) and we'd really hit it off, talking and laughing all evening -- well, I would then just naturally assume that we'd keep in touch.

Not so.

Just one of a million examples.

My natural inclination is still to feel attached when I meet someone very nice, but I've trained myself to recognize any attachment building up in me and not let it build up.

I have very nice co-workers, and we talk about personal stuff, and it's really a nice situation -- but every now and then there are reminders that I am taking the friendship more seriously than they are, that I am getting more attached than they are. I then have to remind myself to take a step back emotionally.

Anyway, I would prefer if it were different, but it is the way it is, and we have to accept reality, right?

Rabies -- I also know the feeling of logging on, hoping, expecting to see a message from a certain buddy, and if it's not there, it's really disappointing.

But for your own self-protection, you need to find some way to train yourself not to start relying on people too soon.

Just because someone is nice when you first meet, or sends some nice messages, doesn't mean he or she will be steadfast and reliable. It takes more time to figure that out about someone.

Best of luck to you, Rabies. I feel for you.

((((HUGS))))

P.S. And even people who are steadfast and reliable won't necessarily have the time to send messages every day.

You can't let that ruin your day. Feeling disappointed, yes. But not to the extent that it makes you miserable.

I know this is easier said than done, but I do think we can train ourselves not to let our sense of happiness and worth rely too much on other people.

All of the lonely people in the world need to discover something about happiness. Happiness doesn't come from having nice things, or having good friends, or even being really healthy. Happiness comes from within the heart. It warms you up on cold days, and cools you down on hot ones. It helps you to cry when you are sad, and laugh when you are happy. And here's the wonderful secret: when you are happy, you make friends. I have a song to send to you if you would like.

It depends on the person. I have to connect with them. If they are gone for too many days I get mad and sometimes get rid of them only to find out later it was just because they were busy. I hate being clingy. It's like torture. Try looking up Borderline Personality Disorder. It explained alot for me.

I can relate to much of this. I feel what you are saying. What strategies can we use to not get too attached or think that the friendship is more than it is? I've come on here to find some friendship or just to chat but am not being very successful and this then ends up as a viscious circle of loneliness and paranoia.

I'm starting to block and ignore people that I talk too. I don't want to get attached, and hurt anymore. I keep thinking I am in love, and I'm losing a soul mate when they are really nobodies that I will never meet.
It was easier being alone in my room everyday. Now I am alone, and cry nonstop because I miss some online jerks.

Now I feel abandoned. I want to be alone forever, and never get close to a person for long as I live. Would rather be alone, and safe than hurt, and crying nonstop for others.

thx for responding, and support/advice. *hugs*

Rabies. I understand.

But you've the wrong approach.

The answer it not to go from one extreme to the other.

You need to find the middle ground.

You and I are total strangers, and will likely never meet, yet your posts affect me deeply, and I care about you as a fellow human in pain.

That is why, despite me being hungry and tired, and my cat waiting for me at home, instead of just shutting off my computer, I logged back on to DS to write you this message.

I care. I care about good people in pain. I know you're in pain. And so far I have no reason to believe you're not a good decent person.

I care that you are so misearable. And I'm worried. About you.

Does that mean that you and I will become best friends? Probably not! And that's OK!!!

I still f-ing care!!! Don't shut me out. Don't shut everyone out.

Please. Find the middle ground.

I sent you a hug earlier. Send me a message if you want (or not, no pressure). Full disclosure: I will be avaiable only briefly tomorrow, and not at all Fri - Sun. (Special circumstances.) I'll be "back" on Monday.

HUGS.

:'( I'm the same way. I hate being so damn clingy and needy. I don't talk about it, but inside, I'm going crazy. If someone doesn't reply for a while, even for trivial things, I feel like I've been abandoned straight away and I feel like shit. I feel like I've been used and thrown away and I get so angry and upset. Only afterwards, when it emerges that they were busy or whatever, does it become clear to me that they don't necessarily have the time to come online or message me constantly.

I've stopped talking to people because of this. People who I became good friends with online. I can't bring myself to delete them off of facebook, but it's making me feel so anxious each time I go on there now, because I just cut them out so suddenly. I'm scared of getting to close, so I make the move and cut it off first, before anything else can happen. It's driving me nuts!!!!! because I feel so lonely. I can't believe I could burn those bridges so easily!

Now, I'm taking care not to become a too much of a regular sight on websites, because I don't want to go through all of that. I actually feel a bit anxious when people notice me on a website.

Sassybp mentioned borderline personality disorder - I've recently found out about it and I think that I may have it. I'm not sure, but if I do, then I'd be relieve that all this craziness can be explained.