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My lonliness Issues
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I am constantly lonely, except, for my online social networking, dating sites and a few semi high functioning friends at my program, all I really look forward to is my newest online crush, or some guy I happen to think I have lots in common with. Speaking on the phone for a couple of hours and making a date. And me being compulsive and hasty fool myself into thinking about Ive found the one. I have degraded myself many times and the thing is I know better, I even said in a convo I am looking for a gut who will not sleep with me on the first date then I would know he was really into me and what happens is my pleasure loving side comes and reality is out the door! In the last month Ive slept with two different men unprotected And I know better! And then after my mind races I feel used, dirty, and ashamed that I didnt protect myself! Deep inside I really wanted to start a relationship with these men but I know their respect for me went out the door along with me. Why I do what I do is I am extremely lonely, I have no friends, male or female, dont really know how to make friends anymore most of my past friends were met at shelters homes through out my years they have become ill or have moved on as far as going places, finances, and traveling have been issues. I go to a program monday through thursday. Fridays off and thats when the loniness really hits me. My oldest is far with my grand children and My son and his girl friend are off together, I even happen to be the only single person on my block kinda fustrating when you feel and know people are looking who your company is this time. Some say you dont need a man validate you. Well even though I can be out spoken and dont put up with such things like physical abuse or most relationship issues I still believe finding love and I am doing all I do because of lonliness and to me being lonley is like constantly being stabbed in the heart especially when you believe you have things to offer
Loyalty,excitement,creativity,cooking skills,romance, versatile, witty, strength,wisdom, and a beauty both in and out and sometimes when you have so much to offer and no one sees it affects your spirit I ve been single for a long time and I am in a very dark place right now. Allergic to most animals and cant afford one anyway. Posted on 06/26/12, 01:04 am |
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I really hope things improve for you. I can't stand it when I see a topic with no replies!! Maybe it's the beginning of an OCD?
If only I could wave a magic wand... Take care 
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Well first thing let me tell you there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.You may feel that you stick out as the only single person on the block but believe me haveing a healthy,loving,respectfull relationship is so much more important than to just be with somebody.It sounds to me like your self esteem is kind of low.You don't love and respect yourself enough so then you go on and let a new man treat you casually.You have to love youself the most!!!You have to respect yourself incredibly!If you don't ,no one else will.You sound like you have alot to offer and have also accomplished alot by bringing children into this world.Why not be proud of yourself and expect others to feel the same?Sometimes we go through transitional points in life,school is over,kids grow up,marriages end,jobs end.During these times we are tempted to jump at the first thing that makes us feel a little bit better instead of taking a breath and considering "is this really the best for me?"Maybe you could try to hang out somewhere like a book discussion group at your local library,or a free class at your local high school.Somewhere that people are going to to improve themselves and make real friendships based on who they really are,what they like and dislike,where they want to go,not just what they are doing that night.Perhaps if you put yourself in different situations you will not be tempted to give away the precious gifts you have to offer.Just go out when it's free or educational or women networking to improve their lives.You can find stuff in your neighborhood especially since you have a computer.Before you know it you may meet a man who has other things on his mind than tonights pleasure,a man who is thinking of the future.......Try a new approach towards some new things you will meet people and make new friends I bet you!Keep coming on here because evryone wants to see you happier and offer you their support and friendship ok???Take it easy!
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Sorry for the delay in my responding thanks so much for reading I was going to go on a fence as how I lacked interest in such things and how does OCD have anything to do with loneliness? I can be very stubborn and I like to do more exciting things and have more adventure not sit in a library and feel more lonely I tried it walked one Saturday morning because i wanted to cheer myself up just do something to get out of my dungeon and I had these racing thoughts. about jumping off to the expressway and cried all the way there LONG WALK. thinking why is life so confusing and horrible why do these terrible things happen and by the time i got to the library i could not go in. I understand and promise I will try and keep a open mind and I am trying to have interest in life again by joining sites like this and going to my program during the week very humbling to be around some people who are ill and i feel over medicated and walking around almost like zombies not being mean cause my mom was like that growing up at times why do I have to live my life like this? so being a high functioning person with mental illness can be quite disturbing to me at times... But I honestly know i am there cause I need the help,..but right now I only see loneliness and a disconnect from the world because of it. I have not just become alone its been a long time if ever that I have felt truly loved by a man.or friend But I understand just today a man got in the cab with me on the way to my program and he had lost his wife of 45 years to cancer just six months ago and I got it! just imagine how he feels being alone after all these years just unbearable to think of his pain. I am intelligent and most of the relationships I ended because I am not to be mistreated or lied to or beat or have constant drama.so its not that I am willing to be in a relationship sooo bad that I am willing to put up with anything but on the other side i am willing to die trying by not being practicing safe sex all sooo confusing so i guess not being to make true friends has taken its toll on me I guess... cause I am truly a good decent person. but like that saying when you know better you do better my heart is broken but my mind is open thank sooo much.
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