Loneliness Support Group

I haven't wanted to post on here for fear of someone recognizing me or for fear that God would think I have no faith. At this point, I am despararte and I don't care if anyone recognizes me. And God, well, where are You? I am tired of hurting, tired of feeling so alone, tired of trying. I am in my 50's, married but SO lonely for friends and family. My 'family' (sisters, parents) really never existed. I tried for years to keep some form of relationship with my sisters (both alcoholic, love to fight, gossip, etc.) but have come to the point where I just stay away from them. Friends? I always thought that to have a friend you be a friend. Turns out for me that to have a friend you have to let yourself be used. I am not a pushover but I believe in helping other people. But I have no help left in me anymore for anyone. Starting to believe that I am meant to be a loner, but if that is true why do I hurt so much in my heart? I am giving up on alot of things in life, don't even try anymore. Lonely heart pain is at least consistent if nothing else. When you put yourself out there and try to make friends, try to participate you open yourself up, once again, to acute painful situations and tough to take letdowns. I have even asked the one person who is still close to me "Am I a miserable person? What is it that I do wrong?" They say 'nothing. It is their problem.' I AM tired of being used in life and I cut a sharp detour now when I see it coming. But this heartbreaking aloneness is taking its toll. I am worn to the point of not wanting to wake up in the morning. A counselor once told me that I have had too many losses in life (very long story). Maybe that's true. Maybe after so long you just learn to give up. yes I am on depression meds. I AM clearheaded . . . this sadness is REAL, not depression sadness. I know the difference. So how does one give up yet go on in life?
Posted on 06/05/12, 11:37 am