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Discussion:
Ive been alone my whole life
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Ive been alone my whole life, never had any close friends or even family members. And i tried hard to reach out to people and be a good friend to others but for some reason I never made any real friends. Everybody around me seemed to have at least one best friend, somebody they shared everything with and could talk to. All i wanted was to have someone to talk to and be there for me and do the same for them. I think this is the reason I got married so young, because all of a sudden there was a person showing interest in me and who was there when i needed him and i could talk to him. It felt good in the beginning not be lonely anymore. But soon after we got married things went down hill and I went back to being as lonely if not more than I used to be. When we got married we started hanging out with other couples and kinda made up a group. For a while I felt very happy, finally feeling like I belonged with this group of friends, but that didn't last long either. Soon they started hanging out often together without us and leaving us out. And even when we did hang out together, that's all it ever was ... hanging out. I felt like the friendships we had were superficial and shallow. I would rather have 1 good friend that I can talk to about real things and who actually cares about me then a group of friends hanging out but nobody actually really knows one another. Anyways it hurt me that they were always leaving us out like that and I felt like I was the only one who ever looked for them, they rarely looked for me so I just stopped hanging out with them. I don't think they were ever real friends anyways. So im back to having nobody ... and my marriage is falling apart so a friend would be so nice to have right now.
Posted on 05/04/12, 10:27 am
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Reply #1 - 05/04/12  11:24am
" hi foxy and welcome i can relate, i truely dont have a real friend i have acquaintences and thats it, no one i can count on no one i can rely on, nothing, i am married but i cant even confide in her without it becomming oppositionalk "
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Reply #2 - 05/04/12  10:37pm
" Ive been alone my whole life too. My husband is in the military he used to be deployed for long periods of a time and we got stationed in isolated places. I tried working a few times to make friends but Im just not very social. I had a not so normal child hood and no longer talk with my parents. I have a daughter now she keeps me busy for most of my time. My husband has changed a lot since when we were dating as well, I can somewhat relate to your story. My husband seems to live a separate life he comes home and doesn't act interested in me at all. Things changed a lot when he joined the military and things changed even more when I had a baby. Most nights we don't even sleep in the same bed. No one cares how my day went or how I'm feeling ect. "
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Reply #3 - 05/04/12  10:43pm
" thats very sad. I find that especially when you have kids, you need a strong support system. It sucks that your husband is so distant. What are you planning on doing about your situation? "
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Reply #4 - 05/05/12  1:20am
" Hi foxy, i am sorry to hear about your marriage and friendships. i can relate in the friendships because I dont have any close friends either. I have a few distant friends, but no one close. Its frustrating when we keep trying to reach out and the other parties dont reach out back to us. "
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Reply #5 - 05/05/12  1:30am
" This is going to sound kinda weird ,,,but it is very true... When you are busy looking for something ,,a friend ,,,someone to help you through whatever,,they ain't going to be there,,,

When your doing something else and not looking for that support or help it will come at you like a rainstorm without an umbrella ,,

what that means is find some other interests or activities and focus on that ,, whatever that is ,, "
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Reply #6 - 05/05/12  2:33am
" I can relate to so much said here.... I have a husband and we do love each other but he is very wrapped up in his work. We talk but sometimes I don't feel I have anything to contribute. Sometimes I just do not feel like a priority. I have two adult children but they, too, are very busy with their own "stuff". These relationships sometimes cause great stress. I have acquaintances as well but no close, tell-all, reciprocal relationships. I have often wondered WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME that I can form no close friendships.
My growing-up years were really goofed up with abandonment issues from both parents and I tend to torment myself with the THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME-S. My head knows I am a good, worthwhile person but my heart keeps returning to this theme. This distresses me as I am no spring chicken and would have thought I'd be past all that... and I am for the most part. Yet I still cannot form strong, close, connected relationships. ... just don't get it .... "
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Reply #7 - 05/05/12  10:16am
" It is hard not having any support with a baby especially in the beginning when everything was brand new and she wasn't sleeping at night. She is a year now so things are better than they were she's a lot more predictable and Ive grown into being a mom. I feel bad for my daughter though because she's at an age now where she is interested in other kids and tried to wave and get there attention every time I take her shopping. I don't really have any plans yet on how to resolve the issue. I joined a mommies group then never went to a meeting some time back I didn't feel comfortable meeting inside someone's house I don't know with my daughter while my husband is at work and they didn't like my suggestions for meeting at a public place. Next year when my daughter is two I can enroll her in some kind of toddler activity there's a skating rink nearby they have toddler classes starting at 2 I think she would like that. As for me, I really have never had a close friend and rarely even have acquaintances. I'm a bit socially awkward. There's been times when I was working I would keep a friend here or there but things never worked out or I would have to move before anything developed.
I truly believe most of my anti-social behavior and anxiety towards people stems from my childhood. I found I do better in smaller towns I really liked living on Big Pine Key. I understand as an adult you are responsible for you life but I probably need to seek counseling to learn how to handle things. I grew up in a very controlled house my dad was an officer and he is bipolar I believe he is a complete lunatic. My mom was extremely manipulative she still is and she a control freak. They would tell you when and how to do everything I mean everything from the way you wipe from what you put on your skin. If I came home late from working I would find my lights to my bedroom were turned off and the hot water to the shower was turned off. Im getting off on a tangent here.
If you really want to make friends try volunteering like at the animal shelter or something you enjoy doing. Just put yourself out there and then realize a lot of people are going to feel shy or uncertain so sometimes you have to be the first one to say hello and make small talk. Just everyday make a little small talk and the conversations will get more and more personal. Then when you feel comfortable invite them out to go shopping or something fun together that your both interested in. Don't rush it though or you will scare ppl off and remember don't get upset if it doens't work out just try again. I always say hello a few times if they say hello back they are probably friendly if they turn their heads or look away and act like they didn't hear you don't bother with them. Good luck! "

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