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Advice:
How do I find non-romantic, emotional intimacy?
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I feel horribly alone. I am going through a divorce. I have a lot of friends, but they do not seem very interested in getting into the difficult emotional stuff with me. I am a guy, and guys don't talk about that stuff--at least my friends don't, and I also have a very hard time having conversations about emotions with guys.

I feel like I need to have an emotional connection with someone, but I am definitely not ready for a romantic relationship. The only relationships I have ever had were with romantic partners. How do I find emotional intimacy when I'm not ready for romance?
Posted on 03/25/12, 03:40 pm
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Advice:
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Reply #1 - 03/25/12  4:12pm
" For me being honest works. And setting healthy boundaries works for me. And keep communicating. Finding common ground with another person begins that connecting feeling. Whatever happens know that you are worth it! Sassy "
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Reply #2 - 03/25/12  5:55pm
" Always follow your heart, go one step at a time. As the other person wisely suggested, be open and honnest with the persons you want to connect with. Communication is always key to success in anything in life. I sincerely feel sad for you, that you are going through such a rough time right now, and it's completely natural that you would need an emotional connection, and you have probably been quite hurt through this painful seperation. It's no wonder you do not want a romantic connection right off. Sounds like you are taking the right steps, into the right direction and not rushing and putting your now fragile heart (at the moment/divorce) at risk. Have courage and know that you are not alone. A loving heart never wants to be alone, but once it's been hurt it fears getting close again. I'm one of them. I completely understand. Be honnest with yourself and others, and all will fall into place, and most of all take good care of yourself, take it slow. "
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Reply #3 - 03/25/12  7:16pm
" I do understand what u mean. Honestly u r not gonna find guys or girls who r gonna listen to all the deep emotional stuff, because they know that kind of thing only belongs in a therapy office. Friends "friend talk". All the deep stuff isnt friendship. It's baggage that is very draining to listen too. It's not that "guys dont talk about that stuff". They just dont want to be drained from listening to it, because they know there is nothing they can do about it. I dont bother either unless it's in a support group like this. A face to face group, forget it. I tell them to go to a therapist, I'm not available. And I definately wont listen to baggage or anything draining from a friend. I like being happy.
The intimate and emotional connection u need right now, is from a therapist. Until u resolve your problems, u will not and can not move forward. I would say, dont seek out relationship intimacy from anyone right now (except therapy). Get your head and emotions clear first. "
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Reply #4 - 03/26/12  12:13am
" I was thinking I would be first to suggest going to therapy where a counselor will help you...counseling is how you get thru this...it is not a bad idea as long as you have health insurance and maybe your company has a program that offers these things I forget if it is called an EAP yes Employee Assistance Program "
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Reply #5 - 04/18/12  11:15pm
" You know, I never thought I'd be writing on a divorce forum online, but, here I am. In a way I am in the same boat. I have no friends who get what I am going through. I thought about therapy and my insurance won't cover it. I can't afford it, because leaving my husband has put a huge burden on the financial situation. This is the first week I am without my kids and just need some support. I've been through so many sites, reading advice and that is good to know I am not the only one going through this, however, what about reality? I even tried to call my mom and she started telling me something about what she saw on TV. It seems to me that most of my world is emotional dead or numb and I am overloaded with grief, pain, excitement, anger, hurt, resentment, glory and so many other emotions that one might ask how a person can have all at the same time. Anyway... what I was getting at... I feel your need and wish, too that I had someone to share thoughts with on a mental level, not just about the separation, but about life.... to feel normal again. "
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Reply #6 - 04/18/12  11:27pm
" Sometimes the pain is so hard and our friends and family just don't understand or know how you our feeling. Divorce is one of the most emotional hardship you can go through. i know i went through it. It was not easy. Dealing with a loss of a relationship is hard and it takes time to get through it all. i would suggest finding some support groups around the area or even on this site. finding a group where you can connect with others and share and make friends in person is preferable try and find some from your local churches, you don't have to be a christian or have faith do attend most groups. But it is a place to vent, and talk about your emotions without having your friends say" dude get a tissue grab a beer and get over it man. Shit happens" Remember it is a process sometimes even women don't want to hear all about your baggage of a relationship, even a friend. a good book you might want to check out on the subject is called "Rebuilding" i used it and it was a great book for a resource. I feel for you man but there is light at the end of the Tunnel. "
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Reply #7 - 04/18/12  11:30pm
" Well you can't really have a real emotional connection with a therapist . They are there to help but if you are seeking intimacy from someone on an emotional level....find a person who is going through the same or similar situation. Maybe it will form a lasting friendship or lead to romance later down the line but either way you will not feel so alone in your troubles. "
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Reply #8 - 04/19/12  3:13am
" I would suggest that you are not interested in a romantic relationship with anyone. I would say that I am seeking quality friendships. Women may be more receptive to what is going on with you. There may be some men that are in the same boat you are and they may be very supportive. You came to the right place. "
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Reply #9 - 04/19/12  5:05am
" I truly do feel you, I am a man and can't seem to emotionally connect with other men. Maybe it is not acceptable with society, but I really need that connection. I have found that sometimes researching local groups, charities, organizations, and clubs is a way to meet like minds and have met some people that can connect on the same level. I wish you the best and honestly wish I had better advice, but the best I can give is to let you know you are not alone. "
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Reply #10 - 04/19/12  6:03am
" I had a male friend how use to turn to me when he needed an emotional shoulder to cry on. It was never a romantic friendship but just good mates their for each other when we needed too.

I have found most men think being vulnerable and having feelings is unmanly. This is why my friend turned to me. Even his wife thought it was great because he got things off his chest that he couldn't tell her.

So perhaps instead of trying to talk to your male friends, seek the understanding shoulder of a female friend that will respect the boundaries of friendship.

Divorce is hard. I wish you all the best. "

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