Life After Divorce Support Group

It has been 15 months since my divorce. This has been such a tremendous disruption in my life's work and in my children's lives. Living with all the emotions left over and dealing with the new issues as a compulsively lying and unfaithful ex-wife has completely derailed me. I try not to think about what life is and will be after divorce. It's a terrible thing to expose children to. It is unfair to them. I come from a family with strong moral and ethical background, there are few divorces even in extended family, so I find it difficult to have chosen someone who would do would not only lie, not on be unfaithful, but was such a tremendous coward to have filed for divorce behind my back when we had children together. I cannot conceive of someone so selfish who would do this. I cannot believe I chose so poorly. We were married for almost nine years. Why would someone have young children with their spouse and then just decide to leave - without even discussing it? What kind of person is this? Surely someone who must have such massively terrible underlying issues that they can't even fathom how to communicate them with their best friend and life partner. How do I now deal with all this anger, this lack of sleep, this tremendous sense of loss? We all go through counceling and I had both spiritual and clinical counseling during the divorce and that got me through. I suppose this pain comes in waves and perhaps this is a particularly tough one. I suppose that I should accept this happened. It's not easy when the hits keep on coming from a vindictive ex who now is keeping me from saying goodnight to my children on days they are not with me. How will I ever meet someone again when it's all I can do to manage career, kids, faith and home? Where is the time for me, much less the time for me to spend meeting someone new? What is the point of all this? Had I though there was even a faint chance of divorce when I was married and an understanding of how miserable and horrible a person could become, I'm not sure I would have had children. Don't get me wrong, my kids are the one right thing in my life. I feel tremendous guilt and shame that they have to live a life with one parent at a time. I hate this feeling of hurt. I hate not sleeping and having a feeling of contentment and happiness in my life. I think I will be scarred forever in terms of how I see the world and how I see others around me in my life. It's so unfortunate, wasting mental energy on all these emotions in silence. What is to become of my beautiful children with the realities of divorce?
Posted on 11/07/09, 03:11 am