What is Life-After-Divorce
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face?
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Am I fooling myself...
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I have been separated for 2 years. I have dated randomly on & off with no real success of "meeting anyone" although I mostly felt like I wasn't ready. Now I do feel like I am ready and I’ve met someone. We have been friends since April and recently started dating. He is a really great guy, a lot of what I want in a man. We have a lot of fun together & laugh & talk easily. Plus there is a great attraction. Here’s the problem. He has only been separated for 10 months. Which he thinks is long enough that he should be doing fine & ready to move on although he knows he’s not ready. So, he thinks that what we have is purely a sexual attraction. He wants to go back to being “friends” because the intimacy bothers him without a “relationship”. Which I completely understand. But I feel that there could be something there if we let it. Take our time and are open to it. I just don’t think that we can get along so incredibly well & have such a great attraction and there not be more. I THINK he is just scared and confused and doesn’t know what he is feeling or what to think (which he also admits to) & if I just bide my time & go along with the friendship thing for a while that he will come around and see how great we are together. But on the flip side I also don’t want to get strung along & end up being hurt. Of course, like everyone else, my divorce was pretty painful & I am still somewhat wounded & fearful to trust again. Am I fooling myself, is there a chance he will realize that I could be the one, or since he thinks now that I couldn’t, is it a done deal?
Thanks for Listening Posted on 11/04/09, 12:11 pm |
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Have you completly healed from your experience? Do you still feel a great amount of pain from it all? If so then I think getting serious in a relationship will only serve as a distraction. You can push your emotions down but they will surface again. You owe it to yourself and the person you will end up with to have worked out "all" the things that was the results of your marraige ending.
I for one made the choice not to date while seperated. I respected the sanctity of marraige enough to let it end. It will be coming up on two months since my divorce was finalized from a 2 year seperation and I feel good about myself and just want to take a little more time before I start considering the thought of getting involved again. But things are good right now. 
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Both of you have been through a very difficult time in your lives and maybe you are ready to move on but he isn't. He is being honest with you so respect his feelings and either go along with his desires with being just friends (if you can do this) or move on. Trying to change him or hoping he will eventually come to your way of thinking will lead to your being in another break up. You cannot fix everything and if this were me I would truly thank him and respect him for being totally up front with me. If I wanted more than he can give I would move on. Either way give him the space and time that is needed for both of you. I wish you well.
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:(
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