Life After Divorce Support Group

Hi, I'm a divorced father of 3. My GF and I have been together now for almost a year (hard to believe and has been so great!). We have a wonderful relationship and she has really taken to my kids but she had trouble from what she says is going from having zero kids to now 3 kids. I said to her point blank early on that it's a package deal. I have kids nothing will ever change that and If it's too much for her then maybe we should break up (no hard feelings - it's not for everyone). She's never mentioned it again. I didn't want me or her or my kids getting attached to just have everything change later w/ a breakup so I chose to confront it head on from the start and made her choose. You have to do what you think is best. My thought process was when I started dating from the start to confront it head on as soon as possible - why waste time w/ someone who isn't the right fit? There's so many people that love children out there to date. I'm not making any judgements about your relationship maybe he'll adjust quickly but I'm of the opinion to not wait long on that part of the relationship. I'm guessing you were up front from the start about having a child? If so, then it's really not fair to you or your son for him to have problems "sharing" now. Good Luck to you, I hope it works out.

there are not many childless adults who can successfully settle down with someone with children.

the odds are against you. you should probably only date men with kids.

Sharing & knowing are 2 different things.
I understand the situation completely. I was there and I felt guilty for those feelings. I felt neglected when we were all together. The child took ALL of his attention.
We were not together for very long when WE decided to go to California, to Knotts Berry Farm & other grown-up events & he wanted to take his kid. I objected because again I was going to be neglected. I was going to pay $50 bucks to get on a ride--ALONE!! I said to him, "What are you going to do with me? He didn't answer. I said, Those rides are only for 2 people, what are you going to do with me? He Never answered me--just took our problems to his family!! Sure I could ride the ride alone but I didn't go on this trip to be alone. It was our first trip while dating!! No more trips after this one was planned, I knew better!!
We went to a pricey water park in town- I didn't exist there either; I was by myself there too.
Christmas at church-I didn't exist either. The child whined (4yo) and they went outside BUT he FAILED to explain to him, they would have to go back inside!! He stayed outside with him while he ran and played in the church parking lot so I went outside to see what was going on to see why they had NOT come back inside; he stopped whinning BUT they never went back inside; I was furious. The child wasn't put to bed early, no restrictions existed, so he stayed up all night till 2 a m or longer so I went to bed alone too. The child got up BEFORE the sun--came busting in our bedroom wanting to get up, the boyfriend got up; WE didn't even wake up together!! Sometimes the togetherness disappears even when a couple is in the same area. We never resolved this, I felt guilty discussing it and I didn't know how to fix this--we went our separate ways. WE were crazy about each other. I recently recieved an email from him--but he's married!! perhaps in a different life we'll meet up again. He was from high school days too. TIMING!!

This is just my own personal opinion and way I handle things. Thats not to say it is the right or wrong way, just the right way for me.

In my world, my son will ALWAYS come first. I am a parent 365 days a year. his father does not live close by. nor wish to spend time with him.

Any man that has difficulty sharing me with my young child can hit the road. I just experienced this. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I only started dating again a year and a half ago and found myself in a relationship with a military man. He was also divorced but had no children of his own. I told him straight up from the get go, that NO ONE meets my son until I am completely sure of that person and know it will be a long term thing. He claims he understood that, and even went as far as saying he respected that as he grew up in a divorced home with a mother who had a revolving door of men and paid NO attention to him as a child.

He never met my son. And Im GLAD I didnt allow it. We broke up and he decided to move back to California. He claimed at the end that he had a problem with sharing my time with my kid!!! ridiculous!!

Know what I have to say to that? Hasta Lavista!!

and thank GOD my son didnt meet him. He doesnt need any more confusion. My personal life is just that..personal.

If it means Im alone until I have a grown child of 18, then so be it. NO ONE will ever get between my son and I. And certainly not someone who cant "share" their time.

I agree completely with namaste..my kids will always come first...they have to!!! I am still not completely divorced and can't imagine being with anyone who had issues with my kids...I just wouldn't...we are a package deal and most likely I would probably only date men with kids of their own so they would know and understand this...if there is one thing I know I want in a possible future relationship is a man who is great with kids..not one like my stbx who is all but absent in their lives with the exception of three hours on Sunday and he never speaks to them in between even though they have their own phone...yep a great dad is a must in my book and they will know that the kids come first