Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

My ex-partner and I split up in January due to her infidelity. Our relationship ended after 24 years of being together. I have had to "come out" to family and friends to explain all that has happened and is happening between her and I. I am still in the process of personally explaining it to my loved ones. I owe it to them. My family and friends unconditionally accepted my ex-partner as a part of the family. Most of them basically said, "We knew. We weren't born yesterday!" I feel responsible for her betrayal to them as my family truly loved and supported my ex for all these years. They are hurting and can't believe all the truths I have discovered. She was a damn good liar.

My ex-partner tried to portray that we were just friends because it enabled her to pursue men. Basically, she was able to have her cake and eat it too! She led two separate lives and she knew if I ever found out, our relationship would be over. I believe she got away with her BF's in the past because they worked together to conceal their relationship from my circle of people so she wouldn't lose me. When I finally discovered the truth about her extra affairs and chose to break up, she desperately pursued this new BF....

I have realized that she has controlled me in this relationship with lies, half-truths, manipulation and deceit. I have also discovered that she has led a double life, the one with me and a secret life with another man (not this same guy).

Our primary residence is the only asset we have together as we have kept all other finances separate. We have no children. Our primary place of residence is a property we own as joint tenants. We have had no contact because if we communicate, it becomes a verbal confrontation.

About two months ago, I found out she brought her BF to stay at our house for a few days while I was away on business. They were together in our house, under our roof, sleep in our room ion our bed. A month ago she invited him over but this time she didn't know I was home. I called the police after feeling intimated, unsafe and uncomfortable with this stranger in my house. Of course, the police came to the house but could not enforce anything. My ex and her BF ended up leaving. He lives in another state.

Now, I come back from another business trip and he appears to have moved-in without my consent or knowledge. I have requested him to leave the property many times at least until we have settled our differences. They both choose to disrespect my request. The problem is that my ex claims she has every right to have anybody over at any time. I don't have a problem with house guests as long as it is not him while we are both living in the house. I have stated to her that she decided to start a new life and it should not be here in this house.

I feel like she is trying to "bully" me out of my own residence with his presence. Since he has been onto our home, I have had problems with my bank and credit cards online. Basically it appears someone has tried to log in to my accounts but were blocked because of too may unsuccessful attempts. Identity Theft?

She claims that he is there to defend her in case I get violent. The only time I had a fit of rage with her was the day of discovery...I have been to a few sessions with a therapist and was told that I was starting to suffer from PTSD.

I'm glad I was able to pick myself up from that state of mind and am trying very hard to move on. I find myself in a situation of contacting an attorney to help resolve the issues.

I am so frustrated and angry for not being able to feel safe in my own home. Especially when I am not home every night due to work travel!

What ever happened to things in life that are priceless such as decency, integrity, honesty, love and respect???

Thanks for taking the time to read my rant.
Posted on 07/03/12, 09:50 pm