Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

lezzie,

I'm going to make this a bit short. What is happening here, is a d ol' case of control. Its an age old ploy that domestic violence abusers use. Keep her away from family and friends, and she has to depend on you and then the controller has total control. I would be horrified if my gf suggested/insisted I not invite my family to the wedding and it would give me seconds thoughts about marrying her in the first place! And is it a surprise that she "some how pulls you back again?" It is said that women take on average 7 times before they leave their abuser, sound familiar?

If you're looking for her to help you walk away, forget it. She's not going to cut her nose of to spite her face. That's your job my friend. Think of it this way, who is really more important? Her or your family? who is going to be there if you DO walk away?

I completely agree with bred's post.

a person who is supposed to love you would never ask you to shun your family and especially ask that you not invite them to the wedding. It honestly looks to me like this woman has you under her boot and that you are letting her take control of your entire life. I cannot see how marrying this type of person that has torn you away from all that you know can truly make you happy.

i mean, you say that you keep trying to break up with her...and that in itself should be a sign that maybe this is not meant to be. I mean, I'm sure this sounds harsh, but honestly, it's just the truth...one should never have to keep finding an excuse to break up with someone unless they really need to get away.

Best of luck to you.

Just to be clear... Has there been an issue between her and your family previously that has caused her to wish them not to come to your/her wedding? I had a GF in the past whose family was so nasty to me I finally couldn't bring myself to be around them. I always encourage her to go see them and do things with them, I just couldn't go with her. I had too much self respect to be treated so heinously.
If nothing of that sort has gone on, I definitely agree with tr above posts. I can't fathom asking the person I love p stay away from the people they love.

lezzie,

In some ways Love makes a good point. How your family has treated her. That said, if they HAVE treated her poorly because they don't like her, or do'nt like that you are gay, or whatever the reason, its YOUR job to find out why, or at the least take care of it and not put your partner in the position of being abused for their purposes.


However, i still see no reason for your family to not be invited to the wedding. Many heterosexuals have situations such as this and families still unit. Sometimes they are even abe to work through the problems.

Good luck

My family hasn't done anything to her she just donesn't like how they acte when I came out to them. She doesn't like that they keep saying I chose to be a lesbian. And as far as my sister goes she doesn't like her because of the choices she has made in her relationships and I have tried to tell her that she put me in a bad place when she tells me that my family can't be around but she just tells me I don't love her and put her first but I do love her and it's hard to let go because she is the first and only girl I have been with but we have a vacation coming up this week and if things don't change I will have to end it you guys are right and thank you for the advice it has really helped

My family hasn't done anything to her she just donesn't like how they acte when I came out to them. She doesn't like that they keep saying I chose to be a lesbian. And as far as my sister goes she doesn't like her because of the choices she has made in her relationships and I have tried to tell her that she put me in a bad place when she tells me that my family can't be around but she just tells me I don't love her and put her first but I do love her and it's hard to let go because she is the first and only girl I have been with but we have a vacation coming up this week and if things don't change I will have to end it you guys are right and thank you for the advice it has really helped

My family hasn't done anything to her she just donesn't like how they acte when I came out to them. She doesn't like that they keep saying I chose to be a lesbian. And as far as my sister goes she doesn't like her because of the choices she has made in her relationships and I have tried to tell her that she put me in a bad place when she tells me that my family can't be around but she just tells me I don't love her and put her first but I do love her and it's hard to let go because she is the first and only girl I have been with but we have a vacation coming up this week and if things don't change I will have to end it you guys are right and thank you for the advice it has really helped

Hi ya honey....and welcome to Daily Strength. (hug)
Your post is short n' sweet, but tells me SO much about what you're going through.

Baby girl... you have the choice to absorb what I'm about to type or not. This is Your Life...This is Your Journey and whatever you chose to do will be the right thing for you at this stage in your life. (hug)

Mentioning 'marriage' in the same sentence about a partner who is alienating you from your family, and who you have tried to break up with in the past is like saying, "This is not my life. I don't mind being miserable with my lover, because it's all about her happiness, and I hope I cry myself to sleep every single night for as long as I live."

Really, sister? Really?????
You are 23...you have 50+ more years on this earth to live and you want to give her your freedom, your life, your happiness and your peace? The writing is already on the wall..there is no 'guessing' how things will be. After a marriage, the hard work begins hon. Really, really hard work in keeping things healthy, balanced, natural, happy and real.

She is not 'somehow pulling you back into her life'...You Are Allowing it because you're scared and fear being lonely. You think that without her you will live years and years in misery all alone. Sister. This is Not True. You may have to go through some grief and pain to get over this,..but this is a LIFE LESSON to show you what Real Love Is so you can grow and find peace and happiness down the road.
Grief and Pain is given to us to Teach Us what is Right and Wrong; not to make us suffer! Love is out there..but not Every Love we find is meant to be anything more than a growth experience, Sister.

Letting Go takes Strength, Self Love and Faith, Girl. If you decide to hang onto this relationship and give up on your own heart and soul,..you will have nobody to blame but yourself. Nobody. And, I can assure you, the pain and confusion of being Untrue to Ourselves is a Much Deeper Pain than giving up a lover who was not meant to be. (long hug)

Please. Take a few days,...step back.. breathe and think. What is the Right thing to do for your own beautiful heart, sister? What are your hopes and dreams,..what would like to have the opportunity to pursue? Will you give yourself the chance to find something beautiful and compatible in life??? or do you like the idea of crying yourself to sleep every night (long hug)
I promise you... your life will be full of some amazing things, feelings and people if you chose the right path.

Think about it.
I wish you everything sweet and wonderful ~