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In love or not?...I don't know.
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I have been with my girlfriend for 18 months, we met at work. I lived in Texas her in the South 7.5 hrs away, we clicked immediately. We visited on the phone for 4 months seeing each other when we could, She is an awesome person. we made a decision for me to move where she lives leaving behind my kids and grandkids. She travels for a living and is only home 6 days a month , which are focused on her famIily have talked to her about me staying in Texas when she is gone and it makes her angry.
She says that is not how a relationship works but neither is her being gone all the time. I am a heart patient which makes it very hard because I am alone and have been in the hospital byself a few times while she was gone, it was very hard.I have never been in that situation before. I did not even tell my children I was there bc I did not want to worry them. My health situation is very serious. My family is very supportive of my lifestyle, she however has a family that knows her lifestyle but it is not talked about. They are very good to me but I am not able to in any way shape or form allowed to mention her and I in any kind of statement that refers to us as a couple.We live in a small Southern town where if you sneeze everyone knows it and all lesbians still live in the closet.I try very hard to respect that but in the same sense I feel like I am giving who I am as a person and the resentment is building. I feel like I have given up who I am for her, I find we don't have alot in common . She is a very social butterfly and I am a private homebody. I don't want to hurt her and i so love her smile , but I feel no comfort from her. I know she loves me and this is her upbringing but I am getting more lost by the day. HELP!!!!! Denise Posted on 06/11/12, 11:47 am |
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I give you a big hug first. I feelfor your situation.
I think you have already answered your own questions. This relationship does not provide you with what you need and deserve. It is not a standard relationship in that you don't spend time with her and that doesn't work for you. You cannot do this to yourself. You need and deserve your family and someone who supports you and your relationship with your family. Good luck and lots of hugs. 
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Thk U..... I guess the hardest part is that, she is an amazing person and I have a hard time letting her go . I feel if we could compromise and me be able to be here when she is gone it would be different but she feels that is not a relationship and maybe she is right but how is her being gone all the time a relationship either. I am here and have no friends I dont like hers bc they are all still friends with the X and keep her up to date on our every move. That to creates a problem plus the ex's keep showing up at our house and they still text, call and email. Grant it she ignores it for the most part....but....all of her friends keep them informed....The sad part is that i know she will never truly know my kids or grandkids and i want to be able to spend time with them.
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Welcome to Daily Strength, Sister.
I'm sorry to hear that this women 'with a wonderful smile' and you aren't working out. The universe is now unable to give you any more signs to let you know this relationship moved too quickly, is not compatible and you need to move forward. Primary partnerships are much, much more than what you have with her. This, at best, was meant to be a connection for support and friendship. You had to know several things about her before you made your choices, and there wasn't enough time spent to see the most important things. (hug) I will warn you, sister: it's much, much harder to lose yourself, than the wrong partner. You, your health and family Must Remain your #1 priority and focus to keep your life energy flowing. It's time to be realistic, get off this computer, Look in the Mirror and say, "HELP!!" Help yourself, Sister!!! Please, do not waste anymore time ~ Make the hard, right decision as soon as you can. ((hug))
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LOL!!! Your right , I know you are....Thk U.....
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hi, im a heterosexual male, married now, to a wonderful women,. but this just reeks [sorry wrong word] of co-dependecy.. i was so codependent, TILL i said, im setling for less, no offense to ur girlfriend, but u need to look out for YOU, esoecially for ur heart issues.. hope this helps.. dinz
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You know the funny thing is I have always been a very independent woman...even after 4 heart attacks, tripple bypass and 2 stents , I still managed to drive an 18 wheeler in the oil field for 5 years. My last relationship was very controlling to a very dominate female and when i got with this girl she was the complete opposite.....but unfortunately all the things i need in a relationship the most , she is unable to give, even though she loves me. I dont think she knows how.
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moving on is hard, it feels uncomfortable, it took me many years, unhealthy relationships, then the light came on.. it will be HARD, NO DOUBT, BUT U CAN COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE.. sorry caps..i had my heart attack in 2006, there i met, my angel, i was finally ready, i wish u all the best drose.. we all are codependent , its natural, but sometimes we just cross over that line, because of fear, doubt, insecurity, WE ARE human after all.. dinz
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Having the heartattack and bypass changed me...I became more dependent to fight the fear.....LOL....I find the fear returning ....Not sure why.....Does the fear ever go away I wonder.....it has been 11 years.
I dont fedel like she will be there for me if the time comes. Most of the time I dont even tell her that I am hurting....I dont feel that security knowing that if I close my eyes she will be strong enough to handle the situation and make the right decisions....We try to explain our heart situation and it is like they just don't get it....she tells me I need to not think about it...LOL...OMG how do u not
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drose, after a heart attack, the fear diminshes, but will never go away... i dont think.. listen to ur gut.. ur staying in ur pain, i hope i dont sound judgemental.. dinz
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drose,
Here's the thing I see here, you have heart issues, which indeed could shorten your life if you are not careful and good to yourself. So I ask you, do you want to waste alot of time with someone who is gone most of he time, because they have a nice smile? Who, by your own words, probably will never meet your kids or grandkids? Once you begin to give yourself up, you give up the very life energy that you so much need to heal yourself (as msteri said). More importantly, don't you think just a little bit that you might be wasting time with someone who is giving very little, when the "real" person who connects with you, the one who really loves you and is willing to compromise and include your family, is floating around out there, looking for you, but you are no where to be found? Life is too short to screw around with people who are not willing to give 50 - 50 in a relationship. Keep her as a friend if you want/.need, but find someone who can give you all the things you want and should have.
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