Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

It sounds like your gf might have some anger and some controling issues. Maybe suggest some counceling

Everything that comes after this is assuming that your partner is not abusive and willing to listen...if she is abusive or borderline abusive, please get help.

Ok, first off, your family and your relationship are separate things. I understand this problem because I'm going through it myself.

You need to understand that as much as your gf likes your family...they are not HER family. She can't move on the spectrum that you do (i.e. I love my family and I love my gf equally). She can't do that...at least not yet.

But there is another issue here. (I know Libras very well, so I can say this) You need to sit down and have a conversation with her about who you are. You are a person who loves her family and loves her girlfriend. You are an easygoing person. You make decisions based on which one will not exclude anyone in anyway. This is who you are and the way that your mind works.

Then you have to turn it around. What does your girlfriend need? Why does she feel slighted? Does she feel sad or angry, thinking that you don't want to spend time with her without your sister? Does she feel like you aren't sensitive to the fact that she had a hard day and doesn't want to play hostess to your sister tonight? What is it? I was just focusing on the problem you described, I'm sure you can apply it more generally.

Once everything is on the table, you can start to compromise. You can say, "I promise I won't invite anyone to dinner with out asking you first." And she can say, "I understand why you do the things you do and I can be more patient."

The trick to being firm is to not conceed anything that you will be unhappy conceeding...And that doesn't mean what you will do to keep the peace, it means what you can give up and *keep the peace within yourself.* That is the ultimate Libra test.

I hope that all made sense and helps you out...I'm feeling a little crazed today.

Hearts,
Owl

Hi Owl
Thanks so much. You are make alot of sense and so right, I couldn't express it myself. I always make decisions such that no one gets left out. (Are you a libra?)
Perhaps by including everyone all the time, she feels neglected.

She said I don't know her. I differ on that. She is an Aquarius. I am not super into star signs, but she is really typical Aquarius. She never hesitates to help a stranger and always there for her friends to a point of time, I feel neglected. But I realise it is not because I mean less to her, it is just the way she is. I learn about her slowly through the years. How I am I suppose to tell her who I am?

My gf is not abusive. She doesn't like to be told what to do. But i guess she does listen (not 100% willing).

I appreciate what you wrote. Really...

Hi hi! My two cents... OK so typical Aquarius right? Well gee, a fixed sign there. She likes to take make up her mind and stick to it. both Libra and Aquarians are Air signs, so there's always a lot of thinking and planning and that sort of thing going on. But being Libra, you leaon toward taking the lead on things, and it sounds like to me that you have rough patches when you think--and assume--without including her in on your thoughts. I mean you have a right to keep things to yourself obviously, but it could be that you take for granted what her responses will be without pausing to double-check with her.

I guess it could be kind of a shock if you expect someone to respond a certain way and they go and do something totally different. It'd be a big let down and I don'y blame you for crying or being upset. But then, if you don't talk to people beforehand, they sometimes just come up the the "Well stop fussing, what did you expect" attitude.

I have consulted my big fat astrology book on this and it says that although Librans generally show fabulous grace under pressure, they sometimes make problems worse by not leaving well enough alone.

PS to Owl: spot on advice!

Thanks alot for all your advice... sometimes when i am in the situation, it is so hard to think....
I can see that my gf and me both play a part.
At times, i do have to step back and not be too anxious to make things right.
Everything needs time.........

First things first. You have to step back and away from the Astrology. It may be fun...and even eerily correct at times...but you can't use it for a total basis of communication.

If she thought that dinner was just going to be you and she...perhaps she would have appreciated a> you telling your sister it was time to go and b) asking your gf quietly if it would be okay to invite her to stay.

If you feel that she doesn't care about your feelings...then tell her how you feel, and how her behaviour makes you feel. Don't rehash things..but say things like...It makes me feel hurt when you do X. Don't go on and on...just say it and wait for a response. Don't say things like "you do this, and you do that...." keep to "I" sentences.

You need some counseling if you want to make this work.