Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

Hello Ashley and welcome to the community!

From what you have shared with us so far, it sounds like your girlfriend has a trust issue. You are dating her and your past shouldn’t be a factor in this situation; she is afraid you are going to leave her for another. No one can predict the future and her fear of the unknown is what she is focusing on instead of being in the relationship with you. Your relationship is still so new, and the two of you are going to have some growing pains along the way.

That is why good communication is so vital in a healthy relationship. Her lack of trust in your fidelity is her issue and not yours to own. She should seek some guidance there so that she can continue to develop a healthier outlook. As long as you stay consistent with your actions and give her no reason to believe you are leaving her for another, then there is no reason why the two of you can't have a successful relationship.

I wish you two all the best 

Sounds like you don't really have a problem. She does.

What I mean is, you and her need to sit down and talk with her about why she has this fear. Did someone else leave her for a guy? Is she operating off of a stereotype?

And are you in anyway responsible for giving her this illusion? Does she see any evidence that you may leave her? i.e. do you flirt with guys? Have a lot of guy friends?

I'm not saying you do these things, and if you do I'm not saying that you need to change. I'm saying that you need to understand why she percieves you are going to run off with some guy.

If the two of you figure out where the problem really lies, then address the issue specifically.

In the meantime, be there. Be present in the relationship. Sometimes it's not the 10th time you say something, it's the 100th time before they get it. Keep telling her you love her and you aren't going to leave. If you are in love, don't give up. Keep supporting her and trusting her. Keep talking about it.

It really comes down to trust. Why doesn't she trust you to stay committed to the relationship? And if she trusts you, what is it about the outside world that she doesn't trust?

I'm sure there is more to the story that I'm missing, but I hope that helps out a little.

Hearts,
Owl

thank you ladies for the advice... im goin to do what u ladies said and thanks anagin

I have to agree with dodge and owl. It isnt a problem with you, its a problem with her. Try talking to her, getting to the root of her issue. She may be having these trust ssues because of someone else in her past, perhaps some calm reassurance and some gentle explanations will help ease her mind. Best of luck and welcome to the group :)

she could be having some self esteme issues as well but like everyone said good communication should resolve this.

I am generalizing here so don't get too angry with me. Coming from her point of view... being a lesbian is hard. It would be much easier (societally speaking) to be in a straight relationship. I think that in the end, most bi people do end up wanting to be in a straight relationship. This could be her perception and no matter how much you try to convince her, it's her prejudice that will be the deciding factor. It can also be a huge blow to the ego if you get left for someone of the opposite sex, so even if she does trust you not to cheat on her, she may not fully believe that you won't leave her.
Your relationship is still young. Give it time to develop and maybe she'll stop worrying about it. but in the meantime it's not your duty to continue to re-assure her over and over again. Have a frank discussion with her and then let it go. if she can't and you've given her no reason to think otherwise, the problem lies with her and you can't "fix" someone else.

i think that trust either makes or breaks a relationship... if she cant come to trust you, what do you have left??? more heartbreak with an iritating tag along gf? sorry but i'd confront her and if she cant learn to deal, don't set yourself up for dissapointment.