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Insecurity Issues, How can I overcome?
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Whenever my gf and I have disagreement, she is able to be emotionally detached. She can give me the cold treatment for days. At times, I don't even know what is bothering her.
When she does that, I will feel so scared that she is going to simply give up on us. I feel so scared that she no longer loves me. I simply feel insecure easily. Despite being together for more than 3.5 years, I am still trying to get used to her need for space during such situation. Get used to her cold and distant treatment. Usually, after a few days, she will lighten up and things will be as loving as always. How do i feel more secure such that I can pull through such situation and cope when she gives me the cold treatment? Posted on 10/27/09, 10:10 pm |
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Have you told her that the cold treatment hurts you so much?
Would it help if she said something like, "I love you very much, but I need to be alone right now to work through my anger/sadness/pain." ? Words like that will assure you that she is not going to walk away from the relationship. If she will do that for you, then you can relax a little, knowing that she isn't going to walk out on the relationship. Then just give her some space. Some people just like to be alone to work our their anger. That works the best for them. Good Luck, Owl 
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I think that MissOwl gave some fabulous advice for this one. What you have to realize is that your insecurity lies within YOU, she cannot control that. Especially if she's never given you any reason to question her commitment to you. People just deal with different situations and emotions differently. But you 2 need to discuss how her reaction makes you feel and like MissOwl suggests, find a way to communicate better. We all know how important communication is but it is the most difficult part of a relationship.
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Yes. She needs time to manage her own anger.
She needs space and she will just walk away from whatever we are . Although I told her before how hurt I can be by her behaviour. I realize she can't help it. My insecurity contributes to the hurt I feel. I am trying to handle that.... Thanks for the advice. My gf is trying too.
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perhaps she could go to counseling.. therapists usually have great ideas on how to handle anger and being cold sholdered.
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What does she attribute her detchment/distance to? Her own hurt, anger or anxiety in the relationship? Perhaps. I think we can all relate to your feelings of despare/anxiety for your relationship. I relate that to feeling abandoned; you are hurt and you want your loved one to hold you through the rough patch.
Couples counseling would help the two of you learn new techniques in communication. The need to fight or flight is human nature when we have those hurt or fearful situations and not a signal that the relationship is falling apart. It definitely takes two to work together and over come old habits when dealing with confrontation. I wish you two the very best and happiness. Hugs.
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Communication is the key to a healthy, long term relationship. You two have been together for a while now and it sounds like of course it would be hurtful to you when she gives you the cold shoulder instead of discussing what's going on. But it sounds like she loves you very much and your relationship is very important to both of you. A short spat of couples counseling, or even talking to a good friend, might be just the ticket. But MissOwl makes a good point. Everyone deals with their anger differently. A little space might be what she needs. And that's ok. Maybe finding activities that help you cope while she works out things will help you.
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She is soft on the inside but extremely stubborn on the outside. We had a disagreement and I tried to bring it up about her cold treatment and how she needs space but eventually we should still talk. So I ask what is good for her and me.
Her response is "I don't know." Initially I was pissed but I know she needs time and dislike facing emotional stuff. I always get emotional, and cry. I guess she needs space and we will work on that. Thanks for all your input...
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