What is Jealousy
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not...
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Seems like I can never go out into a social situation without eventually feeling jealous over my husband and something or someone else. Very frustrating!(For both of us, I know) He is a wonderful man, I am most positive that I never have to worry about him straying or doing anything like that that would hurt me.
We're both pretty social but I would say him more than I since I have all these annoying hang-ups. So I think when I see him with some other woman having fun it bothers me and makes me think he is enjoying their company way more than he could ever enjoy mine. I get so conflicted. I know that how I act is hard on him too and I want him to be able to have fun and good times because he deserves it. But at the same time I remember that I've never been good with sharing certain things that mean a lot to me. It happens a lot too. Lately I know I've been trying harder but than I'll get jealous and it feels like I'm making no progress. It happens when we're in big crowds or even when it's just us and our friends. It even got to the point where I got jealous of him and my best friend! They weren't even doing anything just laughing and talking and in my jealous mind it felt like they were really hitting it off. The last incident was Halloween of course. I was so excited all day and told myself to just have fun and not worry about anything, even though I knew there would be a bunch of sexy ladies running around wearing nothing. And all was well until later in the night when I let the green eye monster take over for a minute and I felt so bad I made a comment to my husband and a friend about some thing like 'why don't you just go off together' and walked away. She came after me and listened to me rant. She was supportive. Then I decided I should just go home and I think that was the best idea.- I apologized the next day to him and he said he was getting used to it. That made me feel so bad, because its true. He is sticking by me in all this and letting me just do my jealous thing because he loves me and knows I have a problem, yet i STILL do it!!!!!. I know the reason I get this way is because I don't feel confident enough in myself, it is nothing to do with him really. I have always had the worst self-esteem and it effects all these people that I love. And that night it started to feel like i was the ugliest thing walking the town. He was having all this fun with these cute little costumed girls and i felt like shit. Really immature of me but the feelings are so real. Posted on 11/02/09, 11:11 am |
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Awww..
You sound like you're writing about me! I know exactly how you feel, and it's awful. I can't go anywhere with him anymore - definitely not any clubs or parties. House parties with only a few people are ok, and a local pub isn't too bad. I accuse my sister-in-law all the time of flirting with my boyfriend. And she's married to my brother! ANY female that is talking to him, in my eyes, is flirting, or he is flirting with them...and plain and simple, IT SUCKS. It's fanatastic though that you have a supportive husband, be thankful for that. And don't be so hard on yourself when you have a set-back. We all do. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing great, and than I mess up and it feels like I have to start all over again. I think what we have to remember is that as longas they see us REALLY trying, than we shouldn't beat ourselves up over any "mess-ups". Keep moving forward, you sound like you're doing great. And one day you're going to go out with him, have a fabulous time, and come home only to realize that you didn't even notice the other people around you..that it was just you & him having a great time. You should check out my group "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff In Love". It's a great book and I post chapters on there daily. Good luck, and keep up the GREAT work! 
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wow, lk
you've made me cry tears of joy to see these words. i am very lucky to have him. actually i have a lot of great support, from my close friends and family. i can even talk to his mother about all my issues and she totally understands and gives me wisdom. But i think i needed to come here and talk about it with people who actually know how i feel and it's wonderful. i know that i have been so lucky throughout my whole life but there's been some bad things that have happened too. even through knowing all this i still can never seem to justify the way i feel. i sooo need some balance! but i will try and remember what you've said, that i need to acknowledge my efforts :) thank you a million times!
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Your welcome :)
Keep in mind though that those of us who are jealous for "no reason" are usually not very happy with ourselves. For some reason or another we have low-self esteem, we self-loathe, we don't feel we deserve a partner as great as what we have, and we are often sitting & waiting for them to leave us. So we try and catch them doing something first, so we can say "aha! I KNEW you were going to (fill in the blank..leave me, flirt with her, like her better...). We have to stop worrying, we have to remind ourselves that we ARE worth it..and that's why they are with us. Love yourself, and everthing else will fall into place :)
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when you realy really REALLLLY want to make the change, you will. My bf left me on October 8th, but only for the day because I literally begged for him to come back. He was done with me, he had made up his mind. That was my wake-up call. I don't want to lose him. So that shook me up enough to realize that I MUST change. Good luck, I know you will be fine :)
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i'm glad that you are back together again. i had an enlightenment happen to me recently! My husband got extremely upset at me the other day and it wasn't about a jealousy situation but i think that because of all these times i have gotten mad at him, this anger in him has built up. He really just needed to blow his top. He was really mean about it but there were a lot of things he said about me that i could agree with, he just put it all so harshly. Like telling me my brain is so small that although he has told me certain things time and time again it takes something big, like his rant, to get it through my skull. But it truly had some kind of positive effect. The next night we were at our friends house and normally, even with our good friends I tend to find some kind of action of situation that really bothers me, like when i think my husband and best friend are flirting and getting along too well. But this night somehow i was able to see past all the little things and the b.s. and just enjoy the moment and have fun. I mean this is some ground breaking stuff for me. I managed to reason through the usual thoughts of jealousy or isolation and just be and laugh and talk. I was able to step back and see the whole situation and not just focus on one thing like what my husband is doing but also see my friends saying "hey, isnt it your wife's turn to be picked on" or basically 'turn to get some attention'. and if i didn't feel like worrying about it i would go talk to someone else and create my own atmosphere. it was a really good feeling to get home and like you said, just realize i had a great time and that is all! i just really hope i can continue to apply all this and keep remembering to live in the moment. for me the enlightened times are often led astray and i don't want to let it happen so easily.
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thats amazing!! sooo happy to hear! forgive the short message, had surgery on my right arm can only type with left but i am very very happy for you!! keep it up!!!
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i have to admit i am struggling after that night. i rode the "high" of feeling accomplished for as long as i could but thoughts and worries have returned. i am doing alright in reasoning with myself though and am s till trying to implement positive thoughts amidst the wondering and worrying...
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I'm back :)
Have you been doing any better? I have been doing a little better with my bf, not checking his phone, etc, but now he has said that basically because of everything I have put him through over the last few years, he isn't happy. He said that he is happy for me that I have been doing much better, but he isn't sure how he feels. He said he loves me, but is very down & depressed right now. I get it. I'm sure he is very resentful for what I have put him through. I think he is planning on going to a club saturday night, and despite my accomplishments, this will still kill me. I can't handle him going to a club right now without me. So we'll see what happens. But no matter what, I feel stronger, and better about myself - so if god forbid the worst does happen, i will be heartbroken, but I will not allow my world to fall apart.
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