What is Jealousy
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not...
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I can't go to my appointments anymore
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I can't go to counseling or whatever if my husband is going to be home. I know he will watch porn so I would rather stay home than go. He doesn't know this yet and he will be extreamly upset when I tell him I'm not going anymore. He wants me to get better but oh well. I am going crazy. My appointment is on Wednesday and he keeps reminding me about it and my heart keep beating fast and tighting up and my thoughts are racing. This wednesday is my first initial appointment with my doctor and it's supposed to be more than an hour and a half. Fuck that!
Posted on 10/26/09, 07:10 pm |
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Oh no sweetie! I feel the same way!! Not with counseling (still working on getting the finances for that) but with EVERYTHING. He stays at school with me, but next semester I am making a schedule so that he has no time alone at home.. when friends ask me out, I always decline unless Sean is at work. I dont even like to be in the bedroom by myself cuz he might go online and look at porn while I am in the room. Its so infuriating.. yes we are super jealous, but we should be able to trust our men for a little bit while we do something.. especially to better our lives. I feel so bad for you sweetie (((hugs))) I really wish there was something I can tell you to help you.... 
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cant he go with you and wait? explain you would like his support
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if he wont go you need to explain just how bad your jealousy is, that you feel that you cant even go to counselling as your fretful at leaving him on his own. Point out that unless you get help, you will continue to be stuck in this hell and so will he, if he wants things to change between you he should help. I know it seems like blackmail, you'll be almost saying "i cant go to counselling unless you go with me" but what choice do have. You wont be able to concentrate on your session and get the best out of it cos all the time you will be thinking of him at home watching porn. What would he say about you taking the router so he cant access the internet? or would you worry about other things?
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Well today is the day and till this morning I had no idea what to do. Right as I was getting ready to go he woke up and I asked him if I could talk to him about something with out getting upset and he said he'll try... thats when I explained to him about my fear and he did get upset saying I need to trust him. And I was like, ummm I am not paranoid since this has happened before while I was gone and he started getting physical... not too much. Then he gave me his router... by then I was thinking, wait, he has porn on his computer which is not on the internet! So I just left the router at home... I think it's porn... but not totally sure. Anyway I left the house but didn't go to the appointment.. I am too upset. I am at the library. He should be gone soon to babysit his nephew so by the time I get back he won't be there. Thank god and thats when I will cut nice and deep. I need that.
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The only person who will suffer when you cut is you, do you think that will make him change? Will he even care? He hasnt so far. I'm surprised you haven't deleted the porn he has stored, whats stopped you?
Cutting will make you feel better in the short term, a quick release, i understand your desperation, i'm feeling it too, but things are never going to change if you dont get support or help for yourself. tell us why you love this man. Is this relationship worth saving, only you know the answer. 1 thing i do know, YOUR worth saving.
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