Jealousy Support Group

I just came to the realization that I compare myself to everyone. As a matter of fact, I compare EVERYTHING. I compare my relationship to other relationships. I compare my apartment to other people's houses. My car to others' cars...heck...my fingernails to others' fingernails.

My OCD and I have made myself think that if I am not PERFECT, my boyfriend doesn't like that aspect of me, and would choose someone who IS perfect in that aspect over me.

Examples? Get ready to be surprised.

Example 1: I quit my job at the beginning of the summer. I had an internship over the summer, but now it is over with. At the moment, I do not have another job. When we go anywhere, and there is a female there, working, I feel like my boyfriend would rather be with her, because she has a job, and I don't. (Whether or not that part is the OCD or not, I do not know) but then the OCD kicks in and I find things that he has said or done to support that awful thought...

Example 2: I am a jealous girlfriend (obviously). I have obsessive compulsive jealousy. Sometimes, we are hanging out with friends, and there are girls there. Either a friend of his that is a girl, or a friend of his' girlfriend. So SOMETHING shows that she is not jealous at all. I find myself lost in a world of thoughts that he wishes he was with her because she isn't jealous...and he would have to deal with less crap than if he stayed with me.

Example 3: He teaches a drum line. He is a senior in college. 22 years old. The drum line that he teaches is at a high school. Kids no older than 17. I do not drum. I have never drummed. I'm not really interested in learning to drum. I don't even really have the urge to pick up a stick and hit a drum once with it. Well, you guessed it, there is a girl on that drum line. So what does my brain do? It shouts thoughts at me that he likes her because she plays the drums. That he would rather be with her because she shares a hobby with him. Then my OCD kicks in again, and I'm remembering all the times he asked me to wear his drum, cuz he thought it was sexy...or the times he said it would be so sexy if we could drum together.

Example 4: We argue. I wonder if he is thinking that he should have stayed with his ex, because they never argued about that....or argued less.

Example 5: We go out to eat with a group of mixed sex friends. He orders something. One of the females orders the same thing. What they ordered is something I don't like. I begin thinking that he would be better off with her, because they like the same foods.

Example 6: A girl does something good in one of the classes that her and I share. Let's say she makes an A on a test that I made a B or a C on. I think that my boyfriend would rather be with her than me, because she makes better grades, or is better at what we major in (as him and I major in the same thing).

Example 7: He is tongue-tied, meaning the little peice of skin that seems to hold your tongue in your mouth from the underneath starts at the very tip of his tongue, making it so that he cannot stick his tongue out far at all. He has told me a story a couple of times about how he met a girl that had the same thing. I got extremely jealous over that...because...well, i think you get the picture.
Posted on 09/19/09, 01:09 pm