Interracial Relationships Support Group

Don't worry, i Know what you are feeling i wasn't disowned but I'm in the same boat, your parents just have to accept this and they will time will heal this and if it doesnt, then your love with your boyfriend will help you over come it, i understand how you feel about being ashamed of their actions but I let everyone know how she was because she would be very hypocritical and try to act differently in front of people, she still hasn't let up her thinking of my guy, even though i been dating him 3 years and she doesnt even want to meet him but my hearts content and i can't live my life for her so just keep your head up. This will pass i promise.

If this is who you truely want to be with then don't let anyone stop you. You never know where love will come from or from whom it will come from. Eventually your family may come around and learn to accept that he is a decent, caring individual, which is what any parent should want for their child. Good luck.

I"m very sorry your family is so intolerant that they would go so far as to disown you, that is pretty heart breaking if you've been close to them but there are times as we become adults when we have to stand up for what we belive deep in our core and this looks like one of those times. Moving away from your family and finding a family "of the heart" may not be easy for you but in the end you will be much stronger and richer in spirit for making the effort.
Does your boyfriend have family here? and if so how do you get along with them and what do they think of your relationship>
Now is the time to look for people, friends, fellow church members etc who come into your life and create the support systems we all need as human beings.
As long as you focus on doing what is right in your heart you will be fine. Hugs

I AM SO SORRY I can't imagine that situation and to know that you're going through it is heartbreaking :( all I can do is pray for you, and hopefully that will even in the tiniest way effect how you get through this...

I know what you're going through must be hard, but others have said (and they are correct) that you have to live for yourself. But speaking from experience, it is better for them to know now, than to carry the "secret" around for a LONG time like we have. There is a better chance that your family will accept it, in time.

Don't be embarrassed about your family because who is in the relationship?? YOU. If you don't harbor any of these feelings then all you can do is perhaps point out that they, in fact, raised you to be accepting. Also, since this was all very sudden, it might have been a gut reaction, that might end in an apology later.

I wish you and your boyfriend the very best of luck.

your faimily is in shock my sister had to go through this before she died. but just because he has a different color of skin doesnt mean they should be treating you like this . keep your head up high take one dayat a time and we are here for u. we stick togethere here. also if you need anyhelp e-mail me.

Hi DivaLor!

I am also recently in a (serious) interracial relationship. (My family knows of, but has not yet met my BF, due to geographical distance.) I agree with most of what the others have said, in terms of following your heart and not letting your family dictate your life/love, even though they are important to you. I have a few other thoughts to add, though.

First, I say maintain hope and see what comes with the passage of time. You came from your family. So, whatever their views about whether THEY or YOU personally should date/marry interracially, somewhere along the line, they gave you the traits that made you tolerant and open to love in any package. They may come around and realize that, once they see that their "power play" (removing support and affection to control your actions) is not going to work. I would just be very open/direct about everything with them. Tell them your preferance to have a relationship (and be consistent about that) with them, but be firm that you require they at least accept (if not welcome with open arms and love like a son/brother) your choice of BF.

Second, I would just recommend that -- whatever happens with this BF -- be sure to play up the positive and downplay the negative (even if it ends horribly someday . . . which I am sure will not happen!) with your family. They will look for any excuse to "reaffirm" their negative beliefs about black men, so just don't give them the opportunity. This can have the opposite effect (i.e., my mom is ALWAYS on my BF's side and gives him the benefit of the doubt, even though she's never met him, because I always play up his attributes and just fail to mention his various faults!). But it's the better way to go . . . at least for now!! Good luck!

For me, I think that it has to be about more than this boyfriend. It has to be about your beliefs. If you are suprised by your family's reaction, it may take less time for them to come around. If this is kind of what you expected, you knew this is how they felt and chose this path anyway, which shows that you and your family have always had different beliefs but loved each other.

You have to be sure of how you feel about yourself and the actions you are taking. Even if things do not work out with this byfriend, and I certainly hope they do, would you be able to go back to the same relationship with your family as though nothing ever happened? Would they be able to?

You will have some very sad moments over this, you will have some of anger, but if you are true to your heart and your beliefs, you will be happy. Rather than trying to prove or disprove anything about your boyfriend, rather than trying to make them accept him, ask them to accept you, that you are happy, and to love you and be happy for you. This does not mean that you have to let them reject your boyfriend, or disrespect him, but start with your relationship with them and tell them that that relationship will include a you that is with the man of your choice.

Good luck

I fell in love with a blk man when I was 20, my family didn't speak to me or see my kids for more than 13 yrs. I am now married to someone else who is blk and we've been together 17yrs. I was always fortunate that my black family always made me feel welcome and part of the family, but no one can take the place of your own blood. I think although my kids are comfortable in their skin,they also paid a price by missing out on family times with my family. Was it worth it, YES, because plain and simple: You can't help who you fall in love with. GOOD LUCK, MAY GOD change your familes hearts.