Interracial Relationships Support Group

If his mother is so mental what is she doing with custody of him? I can understand why your wife is having such a hard time and I really feel for her, I also know that one of the biggest causes of divorce in second marriages are the children from the first marriage.
You did not say how old your son is and that is of course an issue here. If he is old enough to know that what he is saying is out of line then you need to decide if your man enough to step up and let him know that under no circumstances will that behaivor be tolerated in your home and if he will not govern his mouth he will not be welcome.
Let him know that you love him and want him in your life but he has some responsibility and choices to make too. Of course if he is just a very small child this cannot be as strict as with an older child or teen but still the message needs to be given that what he is doing is wrong and that his mother is a sick person and he should not listen to her when she says these things, of course I'm back to the why is he with her if she is so bad.

I am a AA woman who is married to a Caucasian man. My H also has two sons by his first marriage and his first wife was also Caucasian. I do understand your wifes situation. I did not have the same problem as you and your wife is having, my H X has two children who are biracial. How ever we did have disrespect issues and that is what I feel is going on with your son. He is influenced by his mothers views because he lives with her but you have to be the person to counter that. She may have mental issues but thats no excuse for her blunt racism. I understand that talking to her about the things she says may be a waste of time but you need to try. Explain to her that the only person who she is hurting is your son. He has to go out in the world and deal with all people, many of different races and if she doesn't stop with her hate he will end up being the one who will pay for it.
I agree with GeorgiaW. You need to talk to you son and put your foot down when it comes to what he says and how he acts in your home. You need to convey to him in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate disrespect of your wife in your home and there has to be clear consequences if he does. This is going to be a tough time, but if you to teach your son to be a real man in todays world you need to show him a real man.

I grew up in a home where my step-father, whom I adored was Black, and my father, who really loved was White.

I think that it is very important to seperate what is, unfortunately very common in divorce, anger, resentment, jealousy, all of that, form what is racist. And in this type of situation, it is very important to identify these things to a child.

No matter how it happens, the way that parents talk about each other after a divorce is destructive. One lesson that can be taught by not allowing bad behavior to a new spouse is what is a good way to behave in a relationship because usually children of divorce have already seen all the bad. By showing love and support for your spouse, you are teaching your child something very important.

By addresing your child's actions and words without mentioning the mother, you are teaching and correcting. The mother should be a seperate issue, JMO, because you don't want it to look like you are picking one over the other, but rather it is the racism you are dealing with.

I would really consider what kind of home your child is being raised in and if there isn't some need for maybe joint custody. A home filled with hate and hostility of any kind is not a good place for a child.

I think that you can only control your actions, and it is up to you to get a handle on this, for the sake of your spouse and child. JMO.