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I just ended a relationship/friendship with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up back in Feburary. I thought it was because I wanted to go to his house and meet his family. He told me the reason that he doesn't want me over because he lives with his sister and brother-in-law and other family members and the house that they live in is too small and that we wouldn't have a moments peace. I know how he feels because I live with family. I just found out from his brother-in-law that my ex's new girlfriend spends the weekends at their house. My ex is white. I'm black. His new girlfriend is white. It's hard for me to come to the conclusion that my ex is racist? I keep thinking to myself how can this be We've kissed. We've gone out together. We met when I auditioned for a play that he was directing. I got a part. In the middle of rehearsals we fell for each other. We didn't start dating until after the play was over. I was unhappy because I didn't get to see him as often as I would like to have so I emailed him and told him that I would like to see him once a week and that's when I got the "we should just be friends" email. It wasn't until I went on his myspace page that I learned of the new girlfriend. That's not what's bothering me. What I'm bothered is that his white girlfriend get to go to his house and I the black girlfriend didn't. I wrote him an email and told him that I can't be friends with liars and broke off our friendship. How could I have not known? All I want to know is why he lied to me? I asked him once if he was ashamed of me because of my color, disability (I have arthristis) or my position in life and he said no. I think about him constantly because I have nothing to focus my mind on. I just want peace of mind.
Posted on 05/26/09, 08:05 pm |
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I dealt with this last summer.Well the guy told me the remarks his dad made and I was glad I didn't go meet him.On the other hand his mom and her side of the family loved me and always wanted to meet me.I was kinda scared to go after hearing his dads stupid remarks about our kids.I dont think the guy was so much a racist, he probably was worried about how his family would react and he was probably thinkin breaking things off was best so you wouldn't get hurt but it kinda back fired since he didn't really say.I've been told by one of my guy friend who is white that they couldnt date me because of his family but it was after I had already gotten attached and he lied about not wanting a girlfriend.That's a story for another day but umm I hate that they expect us to be friends after we established much more.I too think constantly about me ex and it sucks cause he still emails me wanting to be friends. 
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maybe it's his family that's racist, not him. maybe he just wasn't honest with you. what a coward....
there's better men out there
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Yes.. There are better men. If its important to you to have a white man then you will find one that will stand by you no matter what. Im very sorry it didnt work out for you. If he treated you differently than any other woman then he is wrong. You dont need that and should be glad its over. All I can say is you have learned an important lesson. You will know next time if it happens again with someone else.
Again Im very sorry.
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We can all speculate as to why he acted this way and probably never know the real truth of it but one thing can be said, the man is not good enough for you (and probably no one else either as he seems to be seriously lacking in moral charater and just plain guts).
I really do hope you think more of yourself then to just sit around and think about him. There are over 6 billion people on this planet and about half of them are men. There are some real rat bastards out there but there are also some really wonderful guys who would make loving boyfriends and husbands if you give them the chance and they come in all colors, shapes and sizes. Quit focusing on the past and what you think you lost and start looking at the future and what you could have with the right guy.
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I'm ready to face him. All I want is to know is why he treated me this way?
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He may not be racist but has bent to the peer pressure of his racist friends or family. This is sad, because true love has no race.
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I'm sorry you had to go through this. Some people are just cowards. Like some of the other commenters it must be his family. Frankly, my family is being a bunch of douchebags about me dating a black guy but I've gotten my father to apologize and agree to meet him. My man said he can't wait for the opportunity to "prove himself" to my family, which made me really sad. He doesn't need to prove himself to those jerks!
Anyways, I learned this the hard way, and from a totally different circumstance, but you're better off without cowards. Don't worry not all white people fear what their redneck family thinks. I know I don't.
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