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Not acceptable to Indian community
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My BF is Hindu belonging to the Brahmin caste. We are presently in a long distance relationship. He told me he can never marry me because his family would be shamed and his parents will be shunned by the community.
I am not Indian and very much older than him. He said he will always keep me hidden if I stay with him. I know that I should take his words plainly and seriously. It is just that I cannot seem to let go. I know exactly what to do - to let go. But taking the step is hard. Posted on 05/04/09, 02:05 pm |
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Im sorry for your troubles. You are right you need to break it off and move on. You deserve a man who is willing to give it all up for you because you are who you are. What he is asking you to do is a one way street and that cant work unless you are happy to be an object to him and not a person.
I hope you find the right person for you. 
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KCabot,
I truly and deeply sympathize with you, because my background is similar to your bf's, and I while he's right about how his family/community might react (if they're that judgmental then yes), he is WRONG about the way he is treating you! If he is brave enough to be in a long-distance relationship with you, then he should man up and be able to face the world for his decision, and not be a coward. There is just no excuse. He can't have his cake and eat it too. I'm in the middle of a long process of coming out to my family about the man I love, and believe me I don't expect it to be easy at all. But when you're in a relationship with someone, you have to have the decency to face the struggle of committing, or do the right thing and get out. He is obviously not willing to commit. And his conditions (keeping you hidden) will only hurt you, deeply. It's clear he doesn't understand or respect your feelings in this matter, nor how his actions undermine you. All the best with what is a truly heartbreaking situation...
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The Brahmin caste is a very religious even priestly caste of Hinduism and you, even if you are Hindu, would have to be of an equally high caste because of the height socially of this caste. I only know this because one of the members of my church was cast out of his caste for becoming a Christian, and they have considered him dead to them. I think you do know exactly what to do, and should listen to this intuition.
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my story was little bit like yours but he chose to be with me..
when we started going out he had to hide our relationship for sooo long until i told him he had to look for somebody else because i coudnt take it.. long story short.. they made him go back home (jerusalem. we are muslim) and hidden his passports.. for one year.. we were already married!! he had to come back actually run away.. and they made him believe they accepted me until they found out im having a hard to concieve.. im worthless to them but he decided to stay with me.. Im sure you bf is under a lot of pressure and if he is not willing to leave them then you have to let go.. it will hurt at the beggining but you will heal.. i will pray for you..
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