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Indian parents.
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"There is no greater impotence in all the world than knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you."
I am in college. I was raised to be open-minded, strong-willed, and independent. Not to treat people differently because of anything, especially their race. I am an Indian-American woman, daughter of immigrant parents, falling in love with a black man. My parents are against it because (no, not because he's black! they don't even know that) he's not Indian. Thus, they argue, I will not be able to relate with his family, my family will not be able to relate with his, I have to set an example for my brothers and sisters, etc. Oil doesn't mix with water, they said. Not because we're racially superior or that mixing is immoral. That's an argument I can counter very easily. But how do I argue with my parents saying they would be uncomfortable interacting with someone or relating with them? That my mother's dream is for her son-in-law to talk to her in Hindi? I don't know how many people here are of Asian or South Asian descent... but I am tired of my white friends saying, you just need to be financially independent and do what you think is right. Bullshit. I am not going to sever my relationship with my parents, who brought me up and sacrificed everything for me. I can't do that. I can't break my parents' hearts. But I don't know if I could live with myself knowing that I did something I didn't believe in, or at least lobbied for it as hard as I possibly could. What do I do? Posted on 12/18/08, 01:12 am |
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I forgot to mention that my family is Hindu-Punjabi...and have been living in Canada for 35 years but hold on to their customs for dear life. 
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Where are you two in the area of spiritual beliefs? I think this is far more important than race.
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I am Hindu, I guess in terms of basic life philosophy and practices, and he is an atheist. I don't practice too intensely.
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You will not be a good fit from a spiritual perspective and trust me this is a very important part of your life, it goes to the core of who you are. He being an athiest will mock your traditions and your family and their beliefs. When you have children you will want to bring them up with those core values, and he will be at odds with you.
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I agree with inluv, being married is not easy, it is something that takes a life time of work and dedication even when you deeply love each other.
There is so much that batters at you but when you have a sound foundation based on a shared faith it makes a world of difference. Of course having the same or very similar cultures and backgrounds also makes getting through life easier but those are things that can be mixed and matched in your home to suit YOUR comfort and desires but religion does not work that way. Many couples think it does not matter until they have children and then suddenly many people find themselves drawn to their roots and wanting their children to have the same experiences they had growing up, the more difference there is the more you'll be torn.
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With all due respect, neither of you knows the depths or details of my faith. Although "inluvwjesus", your profile and username suggest that religion is an inextricable element of your identity, I don't really feel that my faith is. Again, that's your personal choice, and I appreciate your input, but I find the idea that just being an atheist would cause someone to "mock" my beliefs kind of offensive. Just because you're Christian doesn't mean I can draw all sorts of conclusions about how you would treat me.
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You need not be offended, I am merely pointing out a truth which has been proven in many others before us. Spiritual unity is more important than cultural unity. There are many who struggle alone with the cultural differences due to family, but I only offered my advice to your post, I did not intend to offend you.
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duke,
Like inluv I am only sawing what I have seen based on personal expeience with friends and what I've learned through other sources and the fact remains that having a mutualy shared belief system does increase the chances for happiness and stability in a relationship. I have many friends who are athiests or in relationships with them and never thought religion was important at all until they had kids and suddenly, and to many inexplicably, found they wanted their children to have a spiritual foundation and then the friction came. Of course this is not true with all couples but it does happen far more then most who think they are more 'rational' in their outlook would like and the thing is you never really know if your going to be one of those people until after you have those kids and start thinking about their future. Some one doesn't need to know the depth of YOUR faith to relate to you what others have found through study and experience, you will do with it what you will.
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