What is Interracial Couples
This community is focused on the unique challenges and social issues that a relationship between people of different ethnicities can present. While marriage and relationships betwe...
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Dating Outside of My race
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Okay I never seen someone for there skin color I always cared about the person.Ive always dated out of my race and in my race whatever.Last year I met this real conservative white guy.At first I fought my feelings because I never would date anyone like him.Then we end up building this bond/relationship.We had so much fun and I end up being head over hills for him.The he comes to me with his dad said "he doesnt want mixxed grand kids".We havent even gotten to this point never thought or disussed it we we're still friends.So we end up dating unofficially and every white girl that came around I felt like I had to try ten times harder.He ends up dating one of them who was a total slut but still I feel like if I was white I would still be with him.We finally called it quites last august but he said it was because he wanted to get closer to God but not even a month later he was with another white girl.Now let me say this he's family did learn to accept us and it was a slap in when he started tlkin to this new girl.I just recently met this new guy well we kinda grow up together and again never thought about being with him.We talked for some months I totally open up to him and the whole time he's saying he doesnt want a relationship and like last week he comes out and say he may start dating one of his other friends.Imagine how heartbroken I feel right now...for this to happen twice!My problem is like both of these guys say Im amazing, beautiful awesome but whatever why am I not the one they chose?Now this is guys in general.But they still want to be friends and the first guy wants to hang out...how am I suppose to watch them fall in love him fall in love with someone else when Im in love with him still???Then I ask myself how could I love someone who would break my heart over something I can't change?They said they cared or loved me and their actions seemed to show they cared a little.Especially the first guy I met his family and we had such a great time.He wants to see me soon but idk he has a girlfriend but idk if i should go see him?Or should I be still friends with either of them.....*sigh*
Posted on 04/29/09, 12:04 am |
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OK..First..
Dont beat yourself up trying to think of the reason why they left you or dont seem too serious. Sometimes there arent any reasons at all. But.. And Im assuming you are AA here because of your post and usually thats the most difficult type if interracial relationship to make work. White men can meet alot of resistance in their family and friends and these men may be having reservations about a serious relationship with you. It would be so nice if we could take an interracial relationship with a grain of salt and not think seriously about it but thats not the case in this messed up world we live in. If you are really serious about dating interracially and you are an AA woman I dont think the men you mentioned would be a good choice unless they pull their head up and become honest and real men willing to fight for you. It would be better to find an interracially experienced man who is serious about what he is doing. He will probably have already gone through the basics and accepted the difficulties. Please try to stay strong emotionally and with your personal beliefs. Especially if you want to continue dating interracially. You will need a man who will stand by you no matter what. There will be many wanting to break you up. They will start rumors and whatever to pry you both apart. Im not trying to shy you away from an interracial relationship. Im just trying to say it can be difficult at times. But if you find the right man. One that truly loves you above all others It will work despite all thats against you. 
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Back in the day when I was dating I never gave a thought to the race of the guy, that is just something that doesn't hit my radar and I'm attracted to a huge variety of types.
I don't think it's the race issue with you so much as the character issue. For some reason you are attracted to men who are not able to commit to you. Many women have this problem even when they only date men of their own race. It also helps if you know what you really want in a guy and what you'll accept in someone you want for a long time companion/spouse/mate. Try writing it out for yourself and be totaly detailed. While your at it think of all the things that you NEVER want to put up with such as being mistreated, having him be a cheater and try to find the positive way to add the opposite to your list, like instead of being abusive he is kind/understanding. INstead of cheating he would be loyal. It's real hard to go after what we really want if we don't even know that answer and just wanting love isn't enough, we all want that but what kind of package do you want it coming in?
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"I don't think it's the race issue with you so much as the character issue. For some reason you are attracted to men who are not able to commit to you."
I agree on that. An interracial relationship will quickly falter if you dont become very picky. You need to bo in tune with yourself and know what a healthy relationship is all about so that your next Bfriend no matter what race is going to be a man that is truly interested in you for who you are. Then if the man happens to be white you both are on the same page and can overcome the stupid stuff you will encounter. So.. Start with your relationship with men in general first and if the relationship turn out to be interracial you will have much more chance of success.
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I agree with the previous 3 replies.
Please don't desire a man who will not stand by your side with anyone that disagrees with your relationship even if it is his family. When this happens it just isn't worth it. For the first 13yrs. of my 15yo marriage, I stayed with my husband who wasn't strong enough to stand up to his parents. We are happy now, but for 13 yrs of being married to someone that is suppose to lift you up not let others weigh you down has affected our marriage. I continue to try and let go of the memories, but it isn't easy. It also really messed with my head and my self worth. Stay away from someone that isn't standing beside you. Good luck!
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