What is Interracial Couples
This community is focused on the unique challenges and social issues that a relationship between people of different ethnicities can present. While marriage and relationships betwe...
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I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months now. He is black, from Brooklyn, and is working his way up from a typically immigrant family. I grew up privileged, with a father who always made jokes about everyone. Although we never expected this to happen, it did- it was not planned, in fact, we had hated one another for a year prior, and it was only me trying to help his ex with their relationship that got he and I speaking and realizing that we actually were a match.
The problem is that my father refuses to acknowledge my boyfriend in any way, shape or form. The two times he has mentioned him were in reference only- for instance, him telling me he didn't care that I have been able to be off my depression medication because he makes me so happy, and he'd rather I be depressed and medicated because it would mean I wouldn't be with my boyfriend. It doesn't end there, unfortunately. Because my mother feels torn, she refuses to talk or acknowledge the situation, and it has driven her to insomnia and medicated depression. I have always been extremely close to my family, so it kills me not to be able to speak with them about this. On top of it, I can't speak to my boyfriend about it because I don't want him to worry or dislike my family- my worst fear is them hating one another. I honestly don't feel as though I have anywhere to turn. I can't go to my family because I don't want to hurt my mother. I can't talk to my boyfriend. My aunts have told me flat out that I am not allowed to date anyone that is not white. Is there anything that anyone else has said to families that weren't accepting of the relationships that has worked? Where have you turned for help? Thanks... Posted on 03/21/09, 01:03 am |
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I think you should be talking to your boyfriend about these problems. He should realize that he shouldnt get mad but to also be willing to carry the burdens of your race. You both need to be able to communicate on a higher level and much more personal level than same race couples.
So..For a better chance of success in an interracial relationship both partners should be willing to go that extra step in every part of their lives in order to preserve the fragile nature of the relationship itself. If you both are on the same team doing that then you both have a chance of accomplishing and experiencing many things most people dream of. If you really believe this is what you want to do then you should be ready to stand with your man and alone sometimes. 
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I agree, you should talk to him about it first. He shouldn't get upset but just love you no matter what. My grandmother disowned me when when my husband, who is black, proposed. That was 5 years ago. She died this past summer and we spoke few words after her blow up. Your family shouldn't tell you who to date, We can't help whi fall in love with. Good luck everything will work out
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i can tell you one thing about family- they can disagree with you, oppose what you do and even sometimes shun you for decisions you make but their geniuine love for you will be what makes them turn around. And i'm almost sure your parents are thinking they are just looking out for you best interest but not seeing that your best intrest right now is in that man from Brooklyn!(smile)My father hated that i loved black boys(when i was young) but when he relized that times were changing, like i'm sure your parents can see too(we have a black president for god's sakes!)my father had to accept it.And though me and him never seen eye to eye too much to begin with, his love for me out weighed his racist views i thought he'd never let go of. And 10 grandkids later between me and my three sisters (8 of them biracial) i think he's glad he had a change of heart. And so your parents will do the same, eventually. You just show them that you're old enough to look for love anywhere, with no boundries. Stay strong!
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I dont want to say that you have to get used to people stereotyping your relationship, but in a way you need to develop thick skin and be okay with others not agreeing with your relationship, including family. You cant change other peoples beliefs and values, but you can establish your own with your boyfriend and yourself. Chances are he may or may not come around, you have to be willing to accept that and move on. Usually when you have children is when the parents usually come around, but you have to be okay with it and live your life. my mother did not accept my relationship, and she has no part in my life or my childrens. you have to be okay with your decision about your love. Share with your boyfriend, so he doesnt walk in blind sided but express to him that you are one, and it really doesnt matter. hope this helps. If you are going to date someone outside your race, in this world you have to be strong.... hope this helps and is not too blunt.
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