Interfaith Relationships Support Group

In trying to understand your situation, I need to ask some questions...

1) Are you LEGALLY married to this man? I'm not up on Canadian law, but it seems to me that they don't condone bigamy.

2) Why doesn't his family know about you?

3) How could he force you to have an abortion due to his "family situation" when you are supposedly PART of his family?

I'm sorry, hon, but something's very wrong here. It seems as if he's keeping you a secret from everyone and denying you the chance to live life as you'd like, with children and a proper, fulltime husband.

And you're right, by Islamic law, a 2nd wife must be treated the same as the 1st wife otherwise he had no business marrying you.

But still with having a 1st wife already, can he really fulfill your desire to have a full time husband???

I hate to say this, but he's treating you more like a mistress than a wife and you might want to check on the legality of your marriage to him.

We are not legally married we are only religously married.
He told me that if I kept the baby its life could be at risk in the future as well as the lives of my family I hated him for that.his family doesnt know me because he is too afraid for himself and his children to tell them. I just get so angry because I have never been in a relationship that cant possibly go any further than it already has and I love him and care for him but she gets all of the benifits of being his whife while I am left in the shodows I know that I need to emotionally detatch myself and think logically and leave him or else I will regret it for the rest of my life. but everytime I get up the courage to leave and tell him I am not happy he comforts me and I chicken out I know he loves me alot and he is the love of my life but i have lived a verry tough and painfull life thus far and I deserve happiness

When he will not admit you exist to his family, nor treat you as you deserve to be treated, that's not happiness. That's being used.

From what I was able to find online, I've read that you cannot be legally married to him, therefore you will never receive the benefits and rights of a wife from him.

From what I've read of Canadian law, you cannot marry him while he already has a wife. Plural marriage would be allowed only if he had married both of you in another country, one that permitted plural marriage, and then all of you immigrated to Canada. Only then would it be permitted.

Alex, I'm afraid he's using you. I'm sure he'll tell you anything to get you to stay. He can promise whatever he wants, but you seriously need to think about ending this relationship until he can be with you honestly and openly. There's no reason why you should be forced to live on the sidelines while he does whatever he chooses.

I know how strong the feelings of love can be and how hard it is to think about leaving. But ask yourself this... is he really showing you love & respect in the way that he's treating you & expecting you to live???

As a human being you have every right to demand equal and fair treatment. There's no reason why you should have to put aside your hopes in return for nothing from him.If he cannot give you the things you desire so much: an honest home and family life, then please leave him and find someone who will. Everyone deserves to live and be loved in a respectful manner.

Yes, you deserve happiness, Alex. But can you really say this is the "happiness" you want so badly??? From your own words, it doesn't seem so. Please find the courage to live life as you wish.

Andie is right, hon; you are being used, manipulated terribly. Please think about your future here, and do something for yourself for once; leave him, and find antother way to be happy. He will ultimately make you miserable, as you are already finding out.

I hope I am not to late to reply to this and that you do see this. I would tell you to get out of this relationship.I am legally married and I am treated as you are.. walked on and his family doesn't know about me. I They did but I think he told them recently we are no longer together. He visits his country w/o me and I know that is wrong.We have just separated after 5 weeks> he is physically and mentally abusive and he drinks and does drugs. The only problem is LOVE HIM. After 2 weeks of seperation, he begged me to come and see him and I did .. He used me again and abused me and now I feel like not living at all.

Maybe you or him or both you two should talk with a Muslim scholar for assistance in such a delicate situation.

:(