What is Insomnia
Insomnia is characterized by an inability to sleep and/or to remain asleep for a reasonable period. Insomniacs typically complain of being unable to close their eyes or "rest their...
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My physical health is failing. I have developed a heart condition, asthma, rapidly worsening vision (unexplainable), blood, prostate, joint, and other problems. Some of my health problems are definitely directly related to going so long with such a severe sleep disability, and the anxiety, stress, and depression that results from a terrible unhappy life that insomnia has caused me to have. Almost from the start of this whole thing, (about 15 years ago), I did not feel that I was taken seriously by the people that could have helped me when there was still time. It seems like none of my many doctors have ever been able to understand the urgency of finding some way to help me feel better. Even after the times when I intentionally ate 180mg of xanax with a bottle of wine and six bottles of beer, or jumped from a vehicle traveling down a highway, or spent several days in ICU from blood loss caused by intentional wounds, or drank a big bottle of scotch whiskey just before jumping off a cliff into a lake 60 feet below while it was snowing, (i have pretty crappy luck), i still did not feel like anyone was in any real hurry to actually do anything to help (talking about doctors here). After the first several "cry for help" attempts, i felt like someone might realize that there was no time to waste on things such as waiting for a medicine like BENADRYL to stop me from hating life, or waiting years for a change to occur by way of psychotherapy, but none of my doctors ever seemed to realize how important time is when a person is hoping that today is their last day on earth. No one ever seemed to realize that immediate decisive action is required when someone has just intentionally done something terrible to them self and nearly died as the result. I can not understand why none of the doctors would ever just give me the strongest drugs that they could think of that would not kill or permanently injure me. After all, if X medication is preventing me from shooting myself, then what better use for a medication could there be? I even tried this logic on a couple doctors.... not sure if the logic made its way to the actual human reasoning part of their senses or not.... There were quite a few times when some of them even found it necessary to write words such as "defiant", "angry", "difficult", "rude", in my chart, or whatever it's called. It seems rather obvious that someone in the situation that I was in would feel all of those things, especially when being held against his will for having tried to relieve his own pain (only after a long time of having tried to do it the "right" way). It still blows my mind that anyone is not able to understand the simple concept of the necessity of self medication. I was always told by my psychiatrists that self medication was bad, right before they would hand me a prescription to benadryl and tylenol and tell me to come back in six to eight weeks if i still felt like strangling myself to death. I mean really, is it so hard to understand that people don't try to kill themselves because it's not taking long enough for them to feel better? Does anyone actually believe that there is plenty of time to 'wait and see' when a person has just tried to kill them self? I would honestly love to hear an opinion from a doctor who is experienced in treating post suicide attempt patients. So maybe i got a little off topic here, but the fact is, if i had been able to sleep on all of those awful nights, i wouldn't have been trying to kill myself.
Posted on 07/03/09, 07:07 am |
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Hi um....again...just me :)
So a few my previous questions have been answered but I'm curious as it what you're doing now....who is treating you at this very moment....and what are you currently taking? I'm sure you've done your share of research on insomnia and medications etc--- if you were the dr treating you....what would you do? What would be your treatment plan? What medications would you perscribe a patient like yourself? While I don't know all the details of your past, from what you shared, it sounds like you've had poor medical treatment. Have you ever been treated by a dr who you thought was good or who provided you good care? If so, would that dr be able to provide you a reference or refferral to (good) specialist? ~Brook 
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Hi cantnever... I'm Cat and have read your last three messages. I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering from insomnia. It sounds like you started having difficulties sleeping around 11, is that correct? I'm no professional but insomnia runs in my family. I was wondering if you recall why it happened or what changed when you were 11? If I understand you, I agree with Brook that anxiety can make it very difficult to for any medication to work. The adrenal system is on overdrive. I've had this happen to myself and my husband has had this problem.
I apologize if I missed the answer but I wonder if you have been to a sleep clinic? And are their good medical facilities where you live such as with a university? I don't want to overwhelm you with questions so we'll just start here. I have some ideas but I would need more information. I''m praying for you, Cat
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I don't have a doctor now because i dont have any insurance and i can not pay for it because i never sleep. I dont have any drugs either because i dont have a doctor. I am not trying to go see any doctors because i get too frustrated. i dont know what medicine i should take. Nothing really can make me sleep so i take heroin now
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Once again I am so very sorry you are suffering. Do you have a supportive family? I'm concerned about the heroin. That's a powerful substance and very destructive. But, back to the family...do you live close to family? Have some good friends to talk with?
Cat
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Caterina: I never slept well, even as a child, but it started being a problem when i was about 11. I started hating school around that age because i had to wake up so early, even though i was still able to sleep at night then. I don't know if anything happened to cause it, i guess i was just born with problems. I have heard a lot of stories about people with particularly high efficiencies in specialized areas of mental ability often have very dramatic deficiencies in other areas, and i guess that's true of myself. It makes most sense of all the possibilities, though it still makes very little sense, and having a great IQ is not a good trade off in my opinion. If i could sleep and still have mental abilities, then i guess i would be a scientist and not a loser. Many nights when i attempt to sleep, i am aroused every 30 seconds by adrenaline, as if one area of my brain is struggling to keep the rest of my brain awake. I have only recently discovered the practice of using Beta blockers to inhibit the effect of adrenaline, but i won't be able to try them any time soon since i don't have enough money to see a doctor or to pay for any medicine, and black market pharmacists generally don't carry beta blockers. I have been tested/measured in 3 different sleep study clinics. On two of the occasions, i was not able to sleep, and the third only confirmed what i already knew. I told all of the doctors who prescribed the studies that i would need to write my own prescriptions prior to the tests if they were to be of any use, but as usual i was ignored. There are quite a few hospitals around here, but i don't know if any of them are progressive enough to treat someone with a disease (or whatever you want to call it) that resists every kind of treatment. I know that i could manage my disease on my own if i had the opportunity, but rules, laws, and other factors make that impossible in the united states. I have always wanted to talk to a leading sleep specialist, but i have never been able to since it is so expensive to do so, although even then, i don't have much hope that any improvement would come.
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