What is Insomnia
Insomnia is characterized by an inability to sleep and/or to remain asleep for a reasonable period. Insomniacs typically complain of being unable to close their eyes or "rest their...
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When all else fails, what to do?
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If anyone else knows what i'm talking about and going through, i would like to know what your next step was. The story is this; i have tried all of the drugs and methods, and things are only getting worse. Five years ago, i did not believe that anything could get any worse for me, but now i know that i was wrong. I am 26 , and i have been starting to realize (slowly and painfully) that i will probably never be happy and i'll never amount to anything because i'll never be able to sleep. I have realized that i will never be able to have a job, never have relationship with opposite sex, never be able to have children, never respect or like myself, and never just be happy to be alive. I'm not looking for advice on ways to sleep or which medicine i should try, because i have already tried them all several times. What i would like to know from anyone who is or has been in the same situation, is what did you do next? When you finally realized, in a factual sense, that you will never have anything that you want and you will never be who you want to be, what did you do? What is there to do? I'm not the kind of person that will accept having a worthless life. I will never be happy simply for the fact that I exist, and now i am more frustrated than i have ever been before, because there is nothing left for me to do except wait for the last day of my life. Is there anything i can do between now and then that won't be a pointless pursuit? Please keep in mind, if you are going to respond, that nothing makes me happy anymore, for all of the reasons that i listed above...
Posted on 07/03/09, 06:07 am |
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Hi again....it's me. Boy, it really sounds like you've had it rough. While I haven't been dealing with my condition as long as you have, I can honestly say that I too have seen some pretty dark days and felt similar hopelessness and depression. Which brings me to my first point....I am concerned you're in pain----emotional pain. Have you ever been treated by a psychiatrist, psycologist or therapist? Do you have any other medical conditions/diagnosis? Do you suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar, or ? I understand what it's like to not sleep, to feel so alone, so desperate for sleep, so out-of-control, so helpless, so frustrated.....etc...I also suffered from suicidal ideation and was almost hospitalized. There is a REASON why sleep deprivation is used by torturers. It is effective---and painful. I have found some relief through professional talk therapy and antidepressants---which is really only scratching the surface of my "insomnia journey" and I am not totally "cured"....but I'm a lot better than I've been. The CBT also helps. I think I just want to encourage you to hang in there. You've found a good group of people and we care about you. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I know how to fix you or what's wrong with you----heck, I can't even FIX myself.....but I know your pain and I will help you as much as I can...and there are others on this board who may have new insights or stories to share which can help too. If you're comfortable sharing, what have you done/tried? I know you mentioned Lunesta and Valuim......but what else have you done? What kind of drs have you seen? What has your "treatment" looked like in the past?
If you don't what to "chat" via the public board you can add me as a friend and message me. Either way....I'm here for you! ~Brook 
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I went to see a psychiatrist for the first time when i was 10. I have lots of things diagnosed, but no one ever has any thing else to say about it. I would rather just not know. I've been in hundreds of meetings with psychiatrists and therapists and they never help. I have tried every drug that might help but none do unless i take much more than 'they' say i should, which ends up being worse than never getting any drugs. i think i have been to about 35 specialists in the past, all over the east coast
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Wow, that is incredible....and it breaks my heart. I am so sorry you've had to go through so much and still feel like your problems are unsolved. Were there any periods of relief even if short lived? Has there ever been a time (since you were 10) that you feel like your life was in control, or that your sleep habits were more predictable? Do you think your other health related problems are from lack of sleep or vice versa?
~Brook
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I feel in the same situation and I've only had insomnia for 8 months...well done for keeping going!
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Cantnever- if you are not the kind of person that will accept having a worthless life than do not. There is more for you to do. I know insomnia sucks. It does not define what we do or who we are. Forget about the doctors and the drugs,as far as I am concerned. Please go get a pen and a piece of paper. Write down 5 reasons why you will not be the kind of person that will accept having a worthless life? These are your words. Put these things in writing and set goals. Even if it is that you post here, or send me, and your friends a daily message about what you accomplished today was your getting out of bed and brushing your teeth, start there.
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Well i was able to sleep well for the first time when i discovered a partial opioid agonist, and that didn't last long. I felt completely normal while it still worked. I went for about 6 months sleeping great every night and doing everything that normal people are able to do but then it just stopped working. I tried to convince many doctors to give me a prescription pad because i can usually at least not feel 100% bad in every way if i have the right drugs, but no doctor would ever do that. I am thinking of trying to move to Mexico or some foreign country so i can get the drugs that will aloow me to at least be sort of happy for a while before i die. I don't believe that any doctor understands the need for people to live happily, as opposed to them thinking that it's more important to just exist as a working biological entity. I guess it's true because no person that has zero functionality can ever become a doctor. What i'm saying is, i would rather live happily for 5 years and die of drug related causes than to live unhappily for 70 years and die of natural causes.
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There was a time when I felt the same way you did. I was ready to give up. But in the end, I gave up on doctors. I did my own research and started taking supplements because, at the time, my body and brain needed the supplements. It took a long time but I got through it. My sleep isn't perfect but I'm off of the supplements now and things are looking better.
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