Infidelity Support Group

Sweetie, It's all about them.

I wish I had an answer for you....my H left me a year ago for his 19 year old girlfriend....we had been together for 16 years - have 2 beautiful daughters....I was completely blindsided and am still in a bit of shock....ITS BEEN A YEAR....In a way my situation is very different from yours...my H continues to be kind to me....just have no answers as to why he left us for her....what was so awful about our life?....but - what I do understand is the not being able to let go....not being able to wrap your head around the fact that this is truly your life....not being able to accept that it is what it is....ugh...All I have realized is there are no answers that make sense when you're talking about complete nonsense....hope you find some peace soon...

This is my first time here. When I read your posting, I felt like it was me talking. Mine has done and is doing the same thing. We were together for 14 years and I feel like my spirit and soul have been ripped from me. I don't know how to recover or go on. I don't know what discussion groups to get into. I just know I am really struggling with this and trying to come to grips with what has taken place and why it happened. I was a good wife.

I hear you.

All I can say is this...I got into the frame of mind of 'this stuff happens.' It does. We see it all the time. Don't know why things got so off track, but it does happen too often.

It's a state of mind that you may need right now? It's a choice to get past this. Move forward. Rebuild your life. Enjoy yourself. Redefine yourself.

Go for it.

....and if it's hard? Lord knows it will be but..Fake it 'till you make it.

Take care, L~

I am going through the samething as we speak. My husband of 10 years left me for another women. Then he came back without reason or talking. Now he is making my life a living hell in this house. If I could leave I would but, where would I go. I just can't up and move without a job or transportation. Is is wrong to hate? I am sure it is but, I wish he would get on and leave me alone. He picks fights with me flaunts it in my face and dares me to say anything about it. I wish I could do something.

Thank you for your sugggestions, true, it is all about them, I too was an excellent supportive wife and we are a wonderful family still even without him. I am just functioning, I just wonder why me? Why now? My heart lags way behind my head. Am I crazy to want my marriage back? He's been so mean, when before he seemed so loving. What changed his heart so much?

we are only stuck for as long as we choose to be. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Why the hell do you want to stay if he's so horrible to you???

Come to think of it...I guess we could all ask ourselves this question.

You're just going to have to follow your gut on this one.

It is unfathomable to have the life and love ripped out of your life. It is horrendous to have someone you trusted with your soul turn their back so coldly and without any remorse. It is even harder to bear that the one person who could make you feel better, ease your pain and help you back onto your feet is the very one who put you there. There are those cheaters who have remorse and they do what they can to ease the pain they have caused the one they betrayed. They are a rare breed. The most common are the ones who cannot face what they did and cannot look into the eyes of the one they betrayed and face the pain they put there. So they become angry. They look at the betrayed as a reminder of how low they dropped and they resent that their partner did not fall like they did. They lash out. They tell stories and play the victim. It is all so pathetically common it is almost like they read from the same script.
It wasn't you. It wasn't what you did or didn't do. You weren't perfect. You didn't do everything exactly right. You didn't communicate perfectly. None of us did but neither did the cheater. We were in the same disfunctionally NORMAL relationship but didn't cheat. It isn't your fault. You don't own this. The partner who betrayed you caused this pain deliberately and without considering how much it would devastate you. They didn't. It was all about them and only them. You didn't cause it and you can't prevent someone from making the stupidest decision they will ever make.
Where does that leave you? It leaves you feeling gutted and hurting so much you pray to stop breathing. You cry yourself to sleep at night and reach out to the empty space beside you. You hurt more than you ever thought possible. But you focus on you. One moment at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. And slowly it fades. Very, very slowly. But it does. Take care of yourself and your kids if you have them. Eat right, reach out to friends, take up long lost hobbies, get involved in your community, volunteer, anything. Stay busy and take care of YOU. You will get through. I did and if I did then anybody can. (((HUGS)))

Thank you for your insightful reply. You really understand what if feels like to be so betrayed. I feel so stupid for not finding out sooner, but I trusted him so implicitly, even when after I found out and he was trying to find his exit out. I loved him and trusted him. He was just so mean to me. Telling me stories about her and their lovemaking - he had to bear his soul it seems. But it cut like a knife. I lashed out in anger using words, I wasn't perfect, but I was so hurt, and frustrated. I felt I had no control. I was thrown away. My heart not just broke, it was ripped apart and trampled on. He has no shame in this!!! He parades her around like she is his queen.
My children are suffering also in ways I cannot imagine. They cannot talk about their father without lying or being embarrassed. My youngest is forced to visit witht he two fornicators - as if they are husband and wife - it makes me sick they have no shame, no remorse, no decency. He can barely talk about it. He refuses therapy.