What is Infidelity
Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who ...
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Im confused!!(newbie)
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Hi everyone im new here and desperate for people to talk to.Im not sure where to start and have delayed writing this all day not knowing what to write.My head is full of unanswered question,s.I will try and cover a little now.Ok my partner of 12 years.Started going on a game via facebook back in febuary.I later discovered he had been having sex on line not saying much except for mmmmmmmmm thats nice or i miss that.It was then i installed webwatcher i saw no more sex like that but saw him getting close to other girls and not always one at a time.He used to tell them he was 28 he is 46, he works in a bank, he dosent he is my carer as im disabled with m.s.Used to say things like your my girlfriend i love you.Your mine used to tell them he was single.He know knows that i know and we have had the usual tears from me the hurt from me.The denial then admidence from him.He says it was just a game to which he was playing he didnt realise what wrong he did till he saw me cry and sob for 2 hours last week.At the time it was going on he was on the computer for at least 12 hours a day he got quite nasty and distant from me.Sometimes wouldnt even come to bed.One night i recorded a convo between him and another girl and they got quite deep him saying if i was there u would be with me, i want just one night with you.be loved thats a joke cos he wasnt loving me at the time.There is more to all this but i cant write for to long at anyone time.I am right in thinking this is all wrong and it is kind of affairs??? Why has he done it???I feel so fat ugly and horrible at the moment i tried making more effort in my apperance and he didnt seen to notice.He still dosent seem to know why he done it.We are talking abit at a time about it but he dosent really like me bringing it up.When it was all going on i used to nearly beg him to talk to me used to tell him i loved him all the time used to write poams and msg,s to him via fb anything to get his attension now i feel pathtic for doing all that.There was even a couple of times he asked girls if they had webcams and to buy one god knows what for.I will write more when i can thank-you all so much for listening xxxx (p.s excuse and sp mistakes etc)
Posted on 11/04/09, 07:11 pm |
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I have wrote a little bit more in my journal.xx 
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First, I'm sorry that you're experiencing this difficult time. With your MS, I'm sure that adds to your hurt as you probably think that's a factor in his behavior. It shouldn't be. A person doesn't have to face any challenges and yet can still be fully deceived by their significant other. I know.
Second, HE knows without a shadow of a doubt that his behaviour is cheating; it's wrong. He knows it and don't let him tell you or convince you otherwise. Unless you're in an open relationship, any of his behind-the-scenes actions would hurt any normal person. So just know that. Third, though he may be cheating through a webcam or whatever other means, it's STILL CHEATING. It's hurting you and that's what's important. I'm not certain of this, but I'm guessing that he has an addiction to the PC (esp. with 12-hour a day stints). I'm sure others in here could comment further on this theory. In any case, he's hurting you openly and he needs to recognize that. He's being selfish and if there's to be a positive future for the two of you moving forward, then he needs to address his problems AND he needs to communicate with you deeply about the state of your relationship. That is, where he's at and where your at. Best wishes, -TheRule
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This is online sex. Cheating. It's wrong. He knows it's wrong. End of story.
Sorry he is doing this to you. All I can say is if he doesn't knock it off? Tell him to take his little computer and hit the bricks already. To spend 12 hours a day cultivating online relationships when he should be actively your husband, around you, with you, maybe even WORKING, is ridiculous. Tell him to stop. If he doesn't, you have some serious decisions to make. But NO ONE deserves this crap. Sending support, L~
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...whoa...hold it...
You are not married to this guy? Wow, he can pack up now, don't you think? L~
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I'm sorry you are going through this. My H has had many emotional affairs with women online, over the phone, camera, texts, etc. It hurts so much so I know what you are feeling.
I know it might seem scary since you have MS and he's your caretaker. But you deserve better. You don't have to stay with him because of this. I almost wonder if he's doing this in part because he thinks he won't leave because of the situation. If you are getting disability to her pay the bills, then you don't need him... you can hire a caretaker or pay a friend to help or family. There has to be a way. If you are not married and don't have kids, I say get out. If you do have kids, it's harder but you still don't deserve this crap. Take care and lots of hugs!
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Thank-you all so much for your replys.Things are still quite difficult here at the moment.We take one step forward and three back.I think me asking for the full story is to much to ask.As im not getting it he says i know it all through the webwatcher.I want to know what went one before then but i doubt i ever will.He is a compulsive lier so that dosent help i feel such a fool.
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Me again...
If you know he's a compulsive liar, get him out of your life now. This is really going to drive you nuts for the rest of your days and is soooo NOT worth the time and effort. If you have to question or doubt every word he mutters, you life will be miserable with him. Trust me on that one. Your life will be much simpler without him. I would rather be alone than with someone who has to little respect for me than to lie to me daily. That lying man does not deserve me or my heart. Take care and sending support, L~
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Thanks L i know that will come.As im feeling very different towards him.It would be nice if we could sort it but i doubt it.Im not strong enough for anything right now but im sure that will come.
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Looby, it will come. In fact, I sense it is already.
I called it gathering. Gathering myself for the uphill battle that I knew I would have to face, do the things that I knew would be so hard but needed to be done, make those hard choices. I allowed myself to gather myself together for a month. That's it. Then I did all that I needed to do. Can I ask what it is you need to sort out with him? You know he is one filthy liar. You know he does some great cheating on you...or is, at least, trying like hell to round up women online. You know that in his heart, he is not faithful to you. What is it that you need to sort out? Is this the type of thing that can be discussed? Really? Even if he gave you a good reason (as if...) for all of this, would you even believe it? If you can't believe someone, you can't trust them. If you can't trust them, you can't respect them. If you can't respect them, you cannot hope to love them. Take care. Sending support. L~
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