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Discussion:
Help just found out
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I'm new to this group. I apologize for this message in advance. I'm hear to vent because I can't talk to anyone about this. I just found out, yesterday that my husband cheated on me.
After I found evidence he confessed. I don't want to know the details I just want to get out of this relationship and move on with my life but because of some circumstances that I prefer not to disclose I can't leave the house now. It will take some months until I can leave and I won't be able to talk to anyone about it for a while. It is for my own good but I know I will endure some really hard times. I know today is just the first day of a long and painful road that it is ahead of me.
I hope I can find some support here.
I'm going to ask a dumb question but how safe is this forum? Can anyone find me here?
Posted on 04/22/13, 01:45 pm
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Reminder: This is a support group for Infidelity. We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

You may also create your own Member Groups where you can moderate the discussion.
Comment:
Email me when others reply to this topic help
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Reply #1 - 04/22/13  2:02pm
" I don't think there are any guarantees with the Internet but if you set your profile to private and not accept any friendships, you should be pretty safe.

I'm sorry that are in this situation. Read some posts and you will see that there are any different situations here. Support is here.
Sending cyber (((hugs)))
Pink "
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Reply #2 - 04/22/13  2:11pm
" Thank you, Pink. I feel better just after I post here and after reading some. Like I said I know this will be a long and painful road but I also know that talking about it and helping others in the same situation makes a huge difference in recovering. "
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Reply #3 - 04/22/13  2:25pm
" pretty darn safe - just don't post your photos or other information unless you want to and when answering any too personally informaiton someone can tie you to this and that. "
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Reply #4 - 04/22/13  5:03pm
" Thanks onyx11. "
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Reply #5 - 04/22/13  5:38pm
" Welcome and sorry you have to be here. To answer your question all of our posts are public so you should make sure you don't use real names and places if you don't want anyone to know who you are. Also as pink suggested you should make sure your settings are very private and limit who you befriend on the site.

This board is great for venting and asking questions but a good majority of the current active users are in rebuilding mode. If you want to feel empowered about your choice to leave check out www.chumplady.com as a supplement. She has lots of very straight forward articles that will help you make sense of everything you're feeling. She makes a lot of sense, doesn't sugar coat and is a big advocate of leaving.

Sending support your way. "
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Reply #6 - 04/22/13  9:30pm
" I'm so sorry you have to be here, but glad you found this group! The good news is you have time to get your plan together so your exit can be easier on you than just gathering your things and leaving. It takes time to untangle a life together. If I were you, I'd start putting money aside, maybe buy gift cards when you get groceries and do general shopping. Even if you think you have enough, it can get pretty ugly once the separation happens.

Best to you! "
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Reply #7 - 04/22/13  11:16pm
" My heart goes out to you. No one ever wants to "welcome" someone new, here. We all wish the forums would dwindle and die because there's no need for it anymore. The world should be so lucky.

I was VERY uncomfortable/fearful of coming here because the woman my husband had his affair with was diligently stalking me. I had to pick a totally random username that I'd never used before in order to offer some sense of privacy and reassurance that she wouldn't find me.

If your username is anything you've used before, change it. If you haven't already, set your profile to "DS members only" at LEAST or "friends only" to be sure. Also keep in mind that every forum here is public and gets spidered by all the major search engines. What you say on the forums can't be taken back.

The good news is, you can do as I did and only reveal specific details (my husband's profession, for example) in "friends only" journal posts or private messages. If you keep your username generic and your posts generic, it's unlikely that anyone can trace you here. Your email address *IS* kept private. Even if you message other people here, they will never get your email address or other private info unless you give it to them.

So yeah... relatively safe if you're smart about what you do.

I hope you find the support you're looking for here and can soon begin your path to healing. "
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Reply #8 - 04/23/13  12:39am
" I have found some of the most caring people here. It is really unfortunate that we all have a pain that cannot be touched with hands but we know what you are going throgh and feel for you.

I know it is so painful because it is so new but I would suggest trying to sleep as much as you can. You are going to have to be diligent to take care of yourself because it is easy for things to spin out of control quickly.

I found it useful to find someway to workout or keep busy and always make time for prayer and reading scripture.

Just remember that you can get throigh this, just make sure you get through it with the things that make you happy. "
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Reply #9 - 04/23/13  10:31am
" Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to all of you! I am so thankful I found this forum. I had to create another account because like Allora said, this is a nickname I use very often. So I will start using my new account. I like a lot the link neverceases sent about the chumplady. Thanks for the tips LovePrevails. It is very hard to untangle a life together even though we weren't together for too long. Right now I just thank God that we don't have assets or children together and when I leave that will make much easier. I have a long road ahead and jdickey said I got take care of me. I want to heal and get better. I just want to be happy. I want to focus on myself. Reading, sleep are good tips. Yesterday I was in a very dark place. I couldn't get any sleep the night before and last night I finally could sleep. I feel better, I will just take one day at a time and try not to project things.Thanks again everyone. "
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Reply #10 - 04/23/13  1:14pm
" Im sorry you are here, but our group is very caring and supportave.
You are right this is just the first of many hard days. but we will be here to provide you with support and help as you need it. "

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